"Five"/Quotes

Round start
"Call the department of energy, we need power!"

- At the beginning.



"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so hit the power!"

- At the beginning.



"We'll be judged more by what we do here than anywhere else."

- At the beginning.



Killing a Zombie
"Negotiations: one piece at a time."

- Upon getting a kill.

"Pain is temporary, pride is forever!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"They should put my face on the silver dollar."

- Upon getting a kill. An obvious reference to how his face is actually on the silver dollar.

"Fail miserably, achieve greatly!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"Who's your President now, stale-skin?"

- Upon getting a kill.

"Stick it in here, Uncle Zeddy!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"Let us not negotiate the undead with fear, but with bullets!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"I am all that is man!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"Just like the Solomon Isles!"

- Upon getting a kill, referencing to the time he served in the Navy during World War II.

"That's a wicked digger."

- After a knife kill.

"Can you dig it?"

- After a knife kill. This line may be a reference to the cult classic film The Warriors, as the phrase is first used in the film.

"Taste the flavor, chomper!!!"

- After a knife kill. A possible reference to Skittles commercials, where the tag line is Taste the rainbow or Taste the flavor.

"Oh, pisser!"

- After a knife kill.

"Take that, skinny!"

- After a knife kill.

"I made this look reeeaaal good!"

- Upon a headshot.

"Inaugurate this marble eyes!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"I am all that stands between the dead and the White House!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"Never fight out of fear, but never fear to fight!"

- Upon getting a headshot, referencing to the line in his Inaugural speech "Never negotiate out of fear, but never fear to negotiate."

"Take that, you Warren Commission dick!"

- Upon getting a headshot. A reference to the group who investigated his assassination.

"I said: Eat it, rot!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"The cost of freedom is high, but I will pay it!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"Take that to the paper ya pisser."

- Upon getting a headshot.

"*sings first line of National Anthem* Oh say can you see... BOOM!"

- After an explosive kill.

"You're making the mess on my floor, munchers."

- After an explosive kill.

"It's raining zombies like a bastard down here!"

- After an explosive kill.

"Bombs for the zombs!"

- After an explosive kill.

"*sings second line of National Anthem* By the dawn's early light... BABOOM!"

- After an explosive kill. A reference to an earlier quote.

"You're better than that Jack, get it together!"

- Upon killing a crawler.

"Executive Order 112477: DIE!"

- Upon killing a crawler.

"Ah! The smell! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little."

- Upon killing a Gas Zombie.

"You have been nominated for death, Shambler!"

- Upon killing a Gas Zombie. A reference to the Shambler, a monster appears in Quake.

"Ah, who cut the cheese?!"

- Upon killing a Gas Zombie.

"And I thought they smelled bad Ah, on the outside."

- Upon killing a Gas Zombie, referencing Han Solo from Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.

"I said freeze!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"I just gave him the cold shoulder!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"Why don't you just... chill out."

- Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"A zombie mis-educated is a zombie lost!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"I know there is a devil, for I see a storm coming, and his hand is in it!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"Good ol' fashioned, Irish beatdown!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"You're all gonna die, uh...AGAIN!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"You're all PARDONED!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"Argh...hands off the merchandise lurkers!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"*speaks in Boston accent* The beast of Boston...Raagh!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"On this earth, God's work is in our hands. Huzzah!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"In the time of turmoil, knowledge is power!"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"Who's the president? Who? Huh? Who?"

- Upon getting multiple kills.

"Chief! You dropped something!"

- After shooting a zombie's arm off.

"I'll put that limb next to my Pulitzer."

- After shooting a zombie's arm off.

"Don't lose an arm on my account!"

- After shooting a zombie's arm off.

"If pain is good then I can walk to work!"

- After blowing a zombie's leg off.

"Ha! You are no more!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"*Laughs* winning the Space Race now!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun. A reference to how he was the President during the great Space Race.

"With great clarity!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Off the earth with you!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Ha! Just like back in Roswell!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun. Reference to his service times in World War II.

Being hit by a Zombie
"Do I look like a guy with a foot fetish?"

- When getting attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Get off my bunions!"

- When getting attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Calm your liver Mr. Wiggles."

- When getting attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Forgive one's enemies, but never, ever, forget their names!"

- Upon killing a zombie that attacked him. A possible reference to his quote Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

"Ich bin ein Berliner!"

- Upon killing a zombie recently hit him. From Kennedy's speech in West Berlin, meaning "I am a Berliner". Awkwardly enough, a Berliner is a type of doughnut.

"I see an America, unafraid of beauty and grace...but you beasts aren't helping!"

- Upon killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You want a taste of my size 10's don't ya?"

- When attacked by a crawling zombie.

Ammo
"I need a re-up."

- When out of ammo.



"Could use some ammo soon!"

- When low ammo.



"No ammo, pass the buck!"

- When out of ammo. Reference to Harry Truman's "The Buck Stops Here" sign on his Presidential Desk.



"Gun-gauge is pointin' at E!"

- When low on ammo.



"Need a mag like yesterday!"

- When low on ammo. Reference to his service times in World War II.



"Ugh...need some beans for the chowder here!"

- When out of ammo. This line appears as a small easter egg in Ascension.



"Ugh...no ammo!"

- When out of ammo.



"Your president needs slugs!"

- When out of ammo.



"Ammo! That's an order!"

- When out of ammo.



"I seem to have no more rounds."

- When out of ammo.



Receiving Weapons
"Do you realise the responsibility I carry?"

- After getting a 'bad' weapon.



"What kind of bad luck is this?"

- After getting a 'bad' weapon.



"To Hell with the M.I.C."

- After getting a 'bad' weapon.



"What am I supposed to do with this thing?"

- After getting a 'bad' weapon.



"I veto you box."

- After getting a 'bad' weapon from the Mystery Box.



"Like my job isn't difficult enough."

- After getting a 'bad' weapon.



"That's the ticket."

- After getting a 'dual' weapon.



"They don't call me "Jack" for nothing."

- After getting a 'dual' weapon.



"Two for the price of one. I like it."

- After getting a 'dual' weapon.



"I ordered one, but they delivered two."

- After getting a 'dual' weapon.



"Time to play the two gun blues."

- After getting a 'dual' weapon.



"I'm positively glowing now."

- After getting a 'favorite' weapon.



"If I am strong, my strength will speak for itself."

- After getting a 'favorite' weapon.



"The human mind is our fundamental resource"

- After getting a 'favorite' weapon.



"Now is the time for action."

- After getting a 'favorite' weapon.



"You need not fret any longer."

- After getting a 'favorite' weapon.



"Let's touch the untouchables."

- After getting a 'favorite' weapon.



"It's cold and icy like Fido's heart."

- After getting the Winter's Howl.



"The time is now! Creeps."

- After getting the Winter's Howl.



"I'll stop them in their tracks."

- After getting the Winter's Howl.



"Why don't you just chill out?"

- After getting the Winter's Howl.



"I'll give you something to remember me by."

- After getting the Winter's Howl.



"And the rockets' red glare. The bombs bursting in air."

- After getting a 'launcher' weapon.



"Now this is power."

- After getting a 'launcher' weapon.



"Time for a zombie missile crisis."

- After getting a 'launcher' weapon.



"Secure peace by prepping for war."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"I hold the key to peace in my hands."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"This will stem the dead tide."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"As Teddy Roosevelt once said: "walk softly, and carry a BFG"."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"Nothing better than an MG. Except being president."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"I shall not be afraid to use this."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"With great power comes great responsibility."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"Rack 'em up."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"I'll take them all down."

- After getting an 'MG' weapon.



"Argh... Whoever invented this must be insane."

- After getting the Monkey Bomb.



"Eh Fido, I got your Brother in the palm o' my hand."

- After getting the Monkey Bomb.



"Fuzzy wuzzy was a bomb."

- After getting the Monkey Bomb.



"Get those cymbals outta my face."

- After getting the Monkey Bomb.



"Go monkey, be free."

- After getting the Monkey Bomb.



"Ancient weapons are no substitute for a Ray Gun at your side."

- After getting the Ray Gun.



"Wicked."

- After getting the Ray Gun.



"Where have you been all my life?"

- After getting the Ray Gun.



"A handsome gun, for a handsome president."

- After getting the Ray Gun.



"I must shake the hand of he who invented this fine weapon."

- After getting the Ray Gun.



"A man may die, undead may rise, but this Ray Gun lives on."

- After getting the Ray Gun.



"A cure for the living inpaired."

- After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.



"Efforts and courage are not enough. A shotgun helps."

- After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.



"Gonna make some Zed chowder."

- After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.



"Big gun for the bullet sponge."

- After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.



"Oh yeah, now we're groovin'."

- After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.



"This is my sword, my Excalibur"

- After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.



"Munchers, ride shotgun."

- After getting a 'shotgun' weapon.



"A most perfect weapon."

- After getting an 'SMG' weapon.



"Rapid fire hellfire."

- After getting an 'SMG' weapon.



"I like this. A lot."

- After getting an 'SMG' weapon.



"Full auto zombie slaying death in the palms of my hand."

- After getting an 'SMG' weapon.



"I should keep one of these under my desk in the oval office."

- After getting an 'SMG' weapon.



"Eh, don't wanna get too close. Zed goop stains."

- After getting a 'sniper' weapon.



"Line 'em up and lay 'em down."

- After getting a 'sniper' weapon.



"Hail to the chief baby."

- After getting a 'sniper' weapon.



"I'm an idealist, with a sniper rifle."

- After getting a 'sniper' weapon.



"This'll slow those undead marauders right down to the ground."

- After getting a 'sniper' weapon.



"I think it's singing to me."

- After getting the Thunder Gun.



"Maybe this came from the Groom Lake program."

- After getting the Thunder Gun.



"I, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, do solemnly swear to crush the undead."

- After getting the Thunder Gun.



"Beautiful."

- After getting the Thunder Gun.



"Thank you sir, may I have another?"

- After getting the Thunder Gun.



Power-ups
"Ah, just what the doctor ordered."

- Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up. Similiar to a quote by Nikolai Belenski in Kino Der Toten.

"Your country thanks you."

- Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Builds faster than a Communist building a wall!"

- Upon getting a Carpenter power-up. A reference to the Berlin Wall.

"The time to repair the barricade is when the sun is shining."

- Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Double the pleasure, double the pain."

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up. A possible reference to a quote by Richtofen.

"I'm seeing in two's!"

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I comin' for you all!"

- Upon getting a Insta-Kill/Death Machine power-up.

"Twice the man I used to be!"

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"M to the A to the D!"

- Upon getting a Nuke. Reference to Mutually Assured Destruction, a thermonuclear war scenario.

"And that's how you push the button!"

- Upon getting a Nuke.

"Understatement of the century."

- Upon getting a Nuke.

Perk-a-colas
"Ugh...in the Navy for years, never tasted anything that fishy."

- Upon drinking Quick Revive. An obvious reference to his service years in World War II.

"Ah, hail to the chief!"

- Upon drinking Jugger-nog.

"Feelin' sp-peedy!"

- Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"Let's pull the trigger on these scum-divers!"

- Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

Downed or revived
"My country thanks you."

- Upon being revived.

"I never hoped for an easy life, just to be a stronger man."

- Upon being revived. A reference to his one liner at the end of the solo intro.

"What? I was...just...resting my eyes."

- Upon being revived.

"Back and better than ever!"

- Upon being revived.

"Back in the game, kids."

- Upon being revived

Pack-a-punch
"Ask not what your gun can do for you, but what you can do for your gun!"

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine. A reference to his inaugural address.

"I need that now..."

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"Things do not happen, they are made to happen."

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Finally, let's do this!"

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"It's go-time!"

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Gimme gimme!"

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

Mystery Box
"Laugh it up, Chucklebutt."

- When getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box



"Hmm, disturbing."

- After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.



"Teddy bear, you and me are about to have words."

- After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.



"This is not a contribution to the human spirit."

- After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.



"A challenge it is then. I'll take it."

- After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.



"I'm the President of the United States. Open!"

- When trying use the Mystery Box without the needed points.

Interactive
"'Atta boy, Bob!"

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Go, Big Mac, go!"

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"I knew I appointed you for a reason!"

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"That's how a Sec-Def takes care of business!"

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Make 'em bob, Bob!"

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"B-Mac is kicking rear!"

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"I got your back, Mac!"

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"Don't let your fears hold you back from hope, Bob!"

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"Hold on Bob, I'm Oscar Mike, er, JFK!"

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"Concentrate all fire on McNamara!"

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"Corral them this way, Bob!"

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"Taking time to enjoy yourself, eh Mac?"

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"It's the little things, isn't it, Bob?"

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"You made a crawler, McNamara."

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Robert, crawler!"

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Sec-Def, you missed some!"

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Good job, Bob!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind it up, Big Mac!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Let fly the monkey of war!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"McNamara's got the monkey! Clear out!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Gonna change your name to Secretary of Primates, buddy!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Those who dare to fail miserably, can achieve greatly."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Oh, look. Fidel's being helpful for a change."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Surprised you can hit anything with that much beard, Castro."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Great, a headshot. Now try shaving."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Castro is surrounded, everyone point and laugh!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"You can do better than that, Castro!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"You can't stop a handful of zombies? Come on!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"Those things look like you in 40 years, Castro!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"Always settling for second, eh, Fidel?"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"We got a crawler on the loose!"

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"And you wonder why you couldn't play ball in the States!"

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"Strike three! You're outta there!"

- When Castro makes a crawler. A reference to an earlier quote.

"How you won a revolution is beyond me!"

- When Castro makes a crawler. A reference to how Castro's quotes often focus around talking about a revolution.

"Maybe we don't need Gitmo after all. Your aim is way off!"

- When Castro makes a crawler. Gitmo is a shorter way of saying Guantanamo Bay.

"Quit smoking stogies and do your job!"

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"Hey, Fido, quit playing with your toys!"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"At least give it a cigar before you blow it up, Castro!"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Don't put your finger there! That's just disgusting!"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"It's not a toy Fidel, it's a bomb. USE IT!"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"It's not a capitalist Castro, you can set it free."

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

Other
"This was not in the presidential job description!"

- After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"Y...You can only get this close if I get your votes!"

- After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"MOB CONTROL!!!"

- After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"No pushing! No shoving! Patience is a virtue!"

- After noticing a crowd of zombies.

"C'mon, I'm good for it!"

- When trying to buy something without requisite points.

Cut
(This was to be used in the game as proven by PC audio files until the creation of the Pentagon Thief) "Gotta walk the dog in the park."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Looks like Dicky Nixon's mutt, Checkers."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Antihistamine! My nose may run, but I will not!"

- At the start of a Hellhound round

"Sit! Stay! Die!"

- At the start of a Hellhound round

"Good! I hate dogs!"

- After killing a Hellhound

"That's for making me sneeze!"

- After killing a Hellhound

"Defecate in your own yard, you ugly mutt!"

- After killing a Hellhound

"Now, play dead!"

- After killing a Hellhound

Robert McNamara
"There's power nearby, there has to be."

- At the beginning.

"Electricity is required to continue this war."

- At the beginning.

"We must find the switch, if we are to last."

- At the beginning.

Killing a Zombie
"I'm happy to see you die."

- Upon getting a kill.

"Each zombie dead is another man living."

- Upon getting a kill.

"Lesson 2: Rationality will not save you, fellows."

- Upon getting a kill. A reference to the second lesson in The Fog of War.

"Living dead: maybe, but I'll still outlive ya!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"Hands off the Mac, Jack!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"U-S-A! U-S-A!"

- After a knife kill.

"The time is now!"

- After knife kill.

"BIG MAC ATTACK!"

- After a knife kill.

"Death to death!"

- After a knife kill.

"Calculate that, chomper!"

- After a knife kill.

"Dominance!"

- After a knife kill.

"It was...inevitable."

- After a knife kill.

"Die. Now."

- After a knife kill.

"You are the sickness, I am the medicine."

- Upon getting a headshot.

"See first with your mind, and then with your eyes."

- Upon getting a headshot.

"Remember my favorite Broadway Show: I Dismember Mama!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"Take it by that, zombie shit!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"I will give you something to moan about!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"Discard what is of no use, SUCH AS YOUR HEAD!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"I SAID DIE!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"Huh! I made the goop, into goop!"

- Upon getting an explosive kill.

"BOOM! Period!"

- Upon getting an explosive kill.

"Things that go boom, usually die!"

- Upon getting an explosive kill.

"I dub this Op: shock and awe!"

- Upon getting an explosive kill.

"Your death creates a nauseating Fog of War!"

- After killing a Gas Zombie, an obvious reference to McNamara's documentary, The Fog of War.

"I'm an stone-cold killer."

- Upon getting a kill with the Winter's Howl/Winter's Fury.

"Die again, and again, and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN!"

- Upon multiple kills.

"Back to hell, demon-spawn!"

- Upon multiple kills.

"This is how one stimulates progress!"

- Upon multiple kills.

"Not yet we have a single defense policy: DEATH TO ZOMBIES!"

- Upon multiple kills.

"They didn't call me the whiz-kid for nothing."

- Upon multiple kills.

"Lesson number 8: Be prepared to re-examine your reasoning."

- Upon multiple kills. A reference to his documentary, The Fog of War.

"Really, I have only just begun!"

- Upon multiple kills.

"Be happy; you have another arm!"

- When destroying a zombie's limb.

"I'm putting this gun into service effective immediately!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"This is how I deal with your offensive presence!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Your evil has been vaporized!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"This weapon has... significant value."

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"You have been enumerated zombie!"

- Upon getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

Being hit by a Zombie
"Watch the hair!"

- After being hit by zombie.

"Oh... crawler!"

- When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"Nixon... you have soiled your pants."

- When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"I...have had...enough. Of. YOU!"

- When attacked by a crawling zombie.

"The probability of you touching me again... is ZERO! Hah!"

- After killing a zombie that attacked him.

"You will pay for that, rot-face!"

- After killing a zombie that attacked him.

Downed or revived
"Lesson 10: Never say never!"

- When downed. Another reference to his documentary, The Fog of War.

"The last stand of McNamara!"

- When downed. Reference to the perk Last Stand.

"Give me a revive! There are too many to handle alone!"

- When downed.

"I'm down!"

- When downed.

"Give me the shot, dammit!"

- When downed

"No. It is not over yet."

- After being revived.

"I thank you for your support."

- After being revived.

"I am in your debt."

- After being revived.

"Thank you, I will not let you down."

- After being revived.

"*Gasps* Back to the business at hand."

- After being revived.

Hellhounds
(These quotes were to be used as proven in PC audio files until the creation of the Pentagon Thief)

"If the President is allergic to them, then I am too."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Ugh... Smells worse than a wet dog."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Here, puppy puppy, I have a treat for you."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Could use a dog trainer here."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Uglier than Nixon's dog, Checkers."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"The President didn't appreciate your canine dander."

- After killing a Hellhound.

"I'm blowing every dog away!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"Watch it Dick."

- After killing a Hellhound.

"Take that brimstone stink elsewhere, beast!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"Submit! No dogs allowed."

- After killing a Hellhound.

"There's only one alpha here, and his name is Jack."

- After killing a Hellhound.

"More like Hellpuppies!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"I will use your hides to carpet my den, mongrels!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"PSA of the day: Spay and neuter your dogs."

- After killing a Hellhound.

Ammo
"Almost out!"

- When low ammo.

"Guess I shouldn't have made those budget cuts."

- When low ammo.

"Gimme the ammo, dammit!"

- When low ammo.

"I'm leakin' lead here!"

- When low ammo.

"My accounting suggests that I still need to find some rounds."

- When out of ammo.

"Zero times two is still zero!"

- When out of ammo.

"No ammo? Time to get dirty..."

- When out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wall
"Today I hunt death."

- After buying any weapon.

"Line 'em up so I can knock 'em down."

- After buying the M14.

"This 'll do."

- After buying an MP5K.

"SMG! Recommended use, short bursts for maximum elicitation of death."

- After buying a PM63.

"This weapon does not suit my disposition, but it suits the situation."

- After buying an AK-74u.

"Automatic carbine designed to fire pistol cartridges... genius!"

- After buying an MPL.

"Devastation is at hands!"

- After buying an Olympia off the wall.

"In order to do good, you may have to engage in evil."

- After buying a Stakeout.

"Damn, my math was wrong!"

- When attempting to buy a weapon without requisite money. Also said when cleaning debris/opening a door without enough money.

Power-ups
"An expediential solution."

- Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Finally full."

- Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"I needed that!"

- Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"This will hold them for few seconds."

- Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Yes! Time to resupply!"

- Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"I calculate success."

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"X times P equals ... more points than Rockefeller!"

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Oo... good math!"

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"Here I come!"

- Upon getting a Insta-Kill power-up.

"It's knife time."

- Upon getting a Insta-Kill power-up.

"Your burning flesh warms my heart."

- Upon getting a Nuke.

"A cure for the living impaired."

- Upon getting a Nuke.

"The use of nuclear deterrence is approved."

- Upon getting a Nuke.

Perk-a-Colas
"This will enhance my defense capability two-fold."

- Upon buying Juggernog.

"Ugh! Did anyone check the expiration date?"

- Upon buying Quick Revive.

"Whoo, faster reload well worth the money spent!"

- Upon buying Speed Cola.

"Double Tap! *speaks quickly* Increases the fire rate by 30%."

- Upon buying Double Tap Root Beer.

Pack-a-Punch
"This reminds me of Step 6: Get the data!"

- While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine. This is one of the lessons shown in the documentary The Fog of War.

"It's better be worth it!"

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch Machine.

"This weapon is powerful as the United States military!"

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"No more Mr. Nice secretary!"

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon. A possible reference to either one of Richtofen's quotes from Kino Der Toten, or the popular line, "No more Mr. Nice Guy!"

"Gotta send one of these to the USMC."

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

Mystery Box
"This will cut down zombies without question."

- After getting a Commando from Mystery Box.

"This will do nicely."

- After getting a G11 from Mystery Box.

"My appraisal to this weapon is one of approval."

- After getting a Spectre from Mystery Box.

"Seven hundred rounds, two minutes of continuous fire? I approve."

- After getting an HK21 from Mystery Box.

"Precise weapon for a man of precision."

- After getting a Dragunov from Mystery Box.

"This weapon suits my disposition."

- After getting a L96A1 from Mystery Box.

"Perfect for close encounters."

- After getting a SPAS-12 from Mystery Box.

"It's time to fill their bellies with lead!"

- After getting an HS-10 from Mystery Box.

"This is unacceptable!"

- After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"This poorly made weapon needs a memorandum."

- After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"I should be insulted, but my utilitarian nature prevents it."

- After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"This weapon statistically is insufficient to the task!"

- After getting a Python or CZ75 from the Mystery Box.

"Two hands plus two guns equals to... four hundred dead Zeds!"

- After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"Lesson number 5: Proportionality should be a guideline in war."

- After getting a China Lake from Mystery Box. A reference to his documentary, The Fog of War.

"Explosives, approved."

- After getting a Crossbow from Mystery Box.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold."

- After getting a Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Where have I seen this weapon before?"

- After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"Insufficient funds..."

- When attempting to use the Mystery Box without requisite money.

Interactive
"You're skills in battle are to be envied, Mr. President."

- When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"A fine shot by a fine man!"

- When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"I'll be your wingman anytime!"

- When Kennedy gets a headshot. A Top Gun reference.

"That's it. Never let some force other than reason shape reality."

- When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"I have never seen such precision!"

- When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"Hold 'em off Jack! I'm coming!"

- When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Stay the tide, Mr. President! You can do it!"

- When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Mr. President, watch your six!"

- When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Do it, Jack! Now is the time!"

- When Kennedy is swarmed.

"Show them why you won in 1960!"

- When Kennedy is swarmed. An obvious reference to how Kennedy won the presidential election in 1960.

"Tear them apart, Mr. President!"

- When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"You knock 'em down, I'll sweep 'em up!"

- When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Finish them, Jack!"

- When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Show them what a Kennedy is all about!"

- When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Right on! You jacked their legs!"

- When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"You took the shamble out of the shambler, Mr. President!"

- When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Jack, that monkey is dangerous!"

- When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Release the monkey, Jack! Quickly!"

- When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"You have the luck of the Irish, Mr. President!"

- When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Be careful! That one's loaded!"

- When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind it up, Jack! I like it when you dance!"

- When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I think your one-liners made their heads explode, Dick."

- When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Lucky doesn't BEGIN to describe it!"

- When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Nixon, belief and seeing are both wrong. Do it again and I MIGHT be impressed."

- When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Next time, do it on purpose, Dickie Nix."

- When Nixon gets a headshot.

"What, are you inviting them to a tea party, Dick?"

- When Nixon is swarmed.

"It's your whining, Dick, JUST SHUT UP!"

- When Nixon is surrounded by zombies.

"Kill them, Nixon! Don't dance with them!"

- When Nixon is swarmed.

"Clearly, you need help, Nixon!"

- When Nixon is swarmed.

"Nixon, you continue to disappoint!"

- When Nixon is swarmed.

"Efficiency is far from your best quality, Richard."

- When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Stop playing with your food, Dick!"

- When Nixon makes a crawler.

"You call yourself an American?"

- When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Discipline, Dick, DISCIPLINE!"

- When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Making things worse does not make things better!"

- When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Is that monkey your sister, Dick?"

- When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind it up and hold on to it, Nixon."

- When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Detonate it, don't play with it, fool!"

- When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"(Sighs) Just like a Republican. Afraid to get his hands dirty."

- When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Dump the monkey, Dick! You got enough on your hands!"

- When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

Other
"Not enough money? Time to re-examine the budget!"

- When attempting to open a door without requisite points.

"I'm surrounded! Give me a hand!"

- When surrounded by zombies.

Richard Nixon
"Uh, can we go find the power switch?"

- At the beginning.

Killing a Zombie
"No, you cannot have a hug."

- After killing an approaching zombie.

"Einey Meiney Mieney DIE!"

- When killing zombies.

"One potato, two potato, three potato... BLAM!"

- After killing a zombie.

"America! Hell yes."

- After killing a zombie.

"I've never been a quitter."

- After killing a zombie.

"Zed head's dead!"

- After killing a zombie. A reference to Pulp Fiction.

"Give me what I want!"

- After killing a zombie.

"I want your blood and I want your vote!"

- After killing a zombie.

"That's right, you better die."

- After killing a zombie.

"No Mr. Hippie, I expect you to die."

- After killing a zombie. Reference to the infamous James Bond quote.

"Got your gobble gobble right here freak!"

- After killing a zombie.

"By taking this action, I hope I have hastened the start of healing."

- After killing a zombie.

"If only you had a vote..."

- After killing a zombie.

"Pick that up hippie!"

- After killing a zombie.

"As the hippies say, I come in peace man."

- After killing a zombie.

"WHAT?! WHAT?! Oh, I did that on purpose, okay?"

- At random.

"Now that's what I call a bullet sponge."

- After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Have a blast lurcher!"

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"I'd feel bad for the hippies if they didn't smell so bad."

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Well this isn't even fair!"

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Yes! What can't this Ray Gun do?"

- After killing a zombie with the Ray Gun.

"Mwahahahahahah!"

- After killing a zombie with a grenade.

"BOOM! Goes the explosive."

- After killing a zombie with a grenade. Reference to an internet meme in which a newscaster would drop all his lines.

"I did that on purpose. But, but I did."

- After killing a zombie with a grenade.

"Can't you maggots explode quietly?"

- After killing a zombie with a grenade.

"Ugh, boogie guts all over me."

- After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"That's as close as you get. compadre."

- After killing a zombie that was close-by.

"Take no risks, suffer no defeats! Take no risks, win no victories!"

- After killing multiple zombies.

"Killcam! Where's my killcam?!"

- After killing multiple zombies. A reference to the multiplayer first-person shooter game culture.

"I am that good."

- After killing multiple zombies.

"Yea, yea, I'm good. Tell me something I don't know."

- After killing multiple zombies.

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

- After killing multiple zombies.

"Oh look at the filthy carpets."

- After killing multiple zombies.

"Look what you made me do."

- After killing a zombie that just hit him.

"Back to the Ice Age!"

- After hitting a zombie with the Winter's Howl or Winter's Fury.

"I kicked him in his ice hole."

- After hitting a zombie with the Winter's Howl or Winter's Fury.

"C'mon! You're not dead yet? Really?"

- After hitting a zombie multiple times with a knife.

"Lets cuddle!"

- After killing a zombie with a knife.

"Gotcha!"

- After killing a zombie with a knife.

"Disgusting."

- After killing zombie with a knife.

"I've had it up to "here" with you carpet baggers."

- After killing a crawler.

"I hate aiming so low, it hurts my back."

- After killing a gas zombie.

"Now that was with my eyes closed."

- Sometimes said when getting a headshot.

"Now come on, you're making a mess."

- Sometimes said when getting a headshot.

"Aroo!"

- Sometimes said when attacked by zombies/scoring a lot of kills. A reference to TV show Futurama.

Being hit by a Zombie
"No Touchy"

- After a zombie hits him.

"You dare touch a Quaker?"

- After a zombie hits him.

"Get off me you hippie!"

- After a zombie hits him.

"Son, I am sick of this shit!"

- After a crawler hits him.

"Go get a job hippie!"

- After a crawler hits him.

"Hey, hey, hey! These shoes are Italian!"

- After a crawler hits him. A possible reference to Fat Albert.

"Get off my legs!"

- After a crawler hits him.

"Who's got the mukluks? These things are making a mess!"

- After a crawler hits him.

"Richard Nixon is not part of a complete breakfast!"

- Sometimes said after evading a zombie attack.

"Gotta learn how to survive defeat, that's how you develop character"

- Sometimes said after evading a zombie attack.

"Never learn how to accept defeat. *That's* how you develop courage."

- After a near-death experience.

"Jack is the handsome one, get him!"

- At random.

Hellhounds
(These quotes were to be used as proven by PC audio files until the creation of the Pentagon Thief)

{{Quote|Leave Checkers alone.|At the start of a Hellhound round. Checkers is Nixon's pet dog.}

"No where near a pretty as my boy Checkers."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Sit. Stay! STAY!"

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Let's play fetch... the grenade."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Who's a good boy!?"

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Boom goes the doggy."

- After killing a Hellhound.

"You ain't got nothing on Checkers!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"Back to the pit with you!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"I dropped you like a bad habit!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"Looks worse than the DMZ"

- After killing a Hellhound.

Ammo
"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for some extra rounds today."

- When running low on ammo. An obvious reference to Popeye.

"Gonna get real intimate if don't find ammo."

- When running low on ammo.

"Pass the ammo please... I said PLEASE!"

- When running low on ammo.

"Ammo anyone? Hello? I am talking here."

- When running low on ammo.

"We'll all die soon if I don't find some rounds!"

- When running low on ammo.

"Damn you hippies, I'm out of ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"Empty! I am empty, dagnabbit!"

- When out of ammo.

"Who needs ammo when you have looks like mine?"

- When out of ammo.

"And, I'm out!"

- When out of ammo.

"What is this nonsense? Where are my rounds?!"

- When out of ammo.

Downed or revived
"I may be down, but I'm not out!"

- After getting downed.

"I'm not dead! Not yet!"

- After getting downed.

"NOOOO!"

- After getting downed.

"You can't stop Tricky Dick!"

- After getting downed. A reference to the nickname he received by Helen Gahagan Douglas, the Democratic-Republican running against him.

"Nixon's back!"

- Upon being revived. A reference to him winning the election on Futurama.

"I'm not finished yet!"

- Upon being revived.

"Meat, is an anagram for team you know."

- Upon being revived.

"A man is not finished when defeated, only when he quits."

- Upon being revived.

Buying weapons off the wall
"Uh, just give me a rifle to kill all the hippies I see!"

- After buying an M14 off the wall.

"I'm gonna love it, and hug it, and call it Checkers!"

- After buying an M14. Checkers is the name of Richard Nixon's Cocker Spaniel. Also a reference to the Looney Toons in which a snow giant, while holding Daffy, exclaims "I will love you, and pet you, and call you George!"

"Let's turn those rotten empty heads inside out."

- After buying an M14 off the wall.

"Perfect! I can keep my distance from this mess."

- After buying an M14.

"Ergh, I get to see the whites of their eyes."

- After buying an M14. This is ironic, however, since the M14 is a long-range weapon and seeing the whites of your opponents eyes refers to getting close to them. Also, zombies do not appear to have white in their eyes, rather glowing yellow. Plus, this quote refers to the famous Revolutionary War quote, "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!"

"Guts will be spilled!"

- After buying an Olympia.

"All right, let's get this over with."

- After buying an Olympia.

"All right, who wants a buckshot rye?"

- After buying a Stakeout.

"People who like this kind of thing will find this as a sort of thing they like."

- After buying an SMG off the wall.

"That's it? Only one?!"

- After buying an SMG off the wall.

"Here comes the 'Nix'!"

- After buying an SMG off the wall.

"Yes, I get it. I have to go fight now!"

- After buying an SMG off the wall.

"Oh, this I can work with."

- After buying an MP5K.

"With this, I'm going to gut me some zombies and use their ribcages as hats! ...Actually, that's quite disgusting."

- After purchasing the bowie knife.

Perk-a-Colas
"I guess this means I have to help..."

- After drinking Quick Revive.

"Ooh, I feel good now."

- After drinking Juggernog.

"*said fast* I'm not a crook! I'm not a crook! I'm not a crook! I'm not a crook!"

- After drinking Speed Cola. A reference to the Watergate Scandal.

"Double tap? So I can do two phones?"

- After drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

Power-ups
"Who said that?"

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I don't need your stinking points, I need your votes."

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"There's a catch, isn't there?"

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"That's it? Max is all I get?"

- After getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"This means I have to keep fighting doesn't it?"

- After getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Die!"

- After getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"Nixon's revenge!"

- After getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"Now we're talking."

- After getting an Insta-Kill power-up or Death Machine power-up.

"Blow it away!"

- After getting a Nuke power-up.

"Nuke-a-da-roo-co"

- After getting a Nuke power-up.

"Nuke-a-doodle-do"

- After getting a Nuke power-up.

"Finally, getting some help around here."

- After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Keep it down up there!"

- After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"What's with the racket?!"

- After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"OK, maybe we have a few seconds."

- After getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Oh, I'll take it."

- After getting a Fire Sale power-up.

Pack-a-Punch
"This is me waiting... This is me waiting on drugs... HURRY THE FUCK UP!"

- When waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine. Reference to 1980's Presidential Anti-Drug campaign.

"Great Caesar's ghost! This was worth the wait!"

- After getting a weapon from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"I don't have all day, you stupid machine!"

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Tick-tock! I'm gonna kick you in the *cough*!"

- While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine.

"Hurry up! Hurry up."

- While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine.

"This better be good... it cost enough."

- While waiting for Pack-A-Punch machine.

"This is how you pack-a-punch."

- After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"Bring on the hippies! The commies! The commies and the hippies! Bah! Both of them!"

- After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"It took you long enough damn machine thingy."

- After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"I might actually smile...*might*."

- After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"That's right...you're going to give me what I want."

- After getting a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"Wait what?! I deserve a celebrity discount!"

- When he doesn't have enough money to Pack-a-Punch a weapon.

Mystery Box
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! THE ALIENS ARE REAL!!"

- Upon getting a Ray Gun.

"Communists! Open the damn box!"

- Not enough money to buy the Mystery Box.

"I'm being treated like a crook!"

- After getting a CZ75 or a Python from the Mystery Box. A possible reference to the Watergate Scandal.

"This I can work with."

- After getting a Spectre from the Mystery Box.

"This gift better keep on giving!"

- After getting a Galil from the Mystery Box.

"Somebody likes me!...I think."

- After getting a China Lake from the Mystery Box.

"Uh, good enough, I suppose."

- After getting a Commando from the Mystery Box.

"Uh, stay frosty!"

- After getting the Winter's Howl from the Mystery Box.

"Just when I was beginning to like you..."

- After getting the Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box.

"Solutions are not the answer...Wait a minute, did I miss anything?"

- After getting a Spas-12 from the Mystery Box.

"What kind of box is this?"

- After getting a Teddy bear.

Interactive
"You are the only Commie who should have the right to bear arms."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"A little more of that, and I may just kiss you, Comrade."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"I envy your aim, my Communist friend."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Glad you're on my side, Fidel!"

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Not bad for a pinko Commie."

- When Castro gets a headshot.

"Castro, use that exploding cigar Jack gave you."

- When Castro is swarmed.

"Fidel, watch your six!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"Hey, Fidel could use a hand or three!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"Smack 'em with your beard, and burn 'em with your stogie, Fidel!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"Just hold 'em off for a few more seconds!"

- When Castro is swarmed.

"Take your time, Comrade. I got you covered."

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"You are something else, Castro."

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"Tear 'em up, it's fine. Jack will clean up after."

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"Not bad, Fidel. Not bad at all."

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"You still play baseball? I think you got a future, kid."

- When Castro makes a crawler.

"Atta boy, Castro!"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Commies got all the luck, don't they?"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Now that's a present, Fidel!"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Wind 'er up and let 'er rip, Fidel!"

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"No offense, but you and the monkey kinda look alike."

- When Castro gets the Monkey Bomb.

"(Sarcastically) Oh yeah. Nice shot Mac."

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"(Snores) Snore."

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Oh, please. I coulda done that in my sleep."

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"That's the least a Secretary of Defense can do."

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"And your point is, Secretary McNamara?"

- When McNamara gets a headshot.

"Bon appetit, McNamara!"

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"Why isn't that cute, they wanna hug Bob."

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"Look, Mac, they want their daddy."

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"I would help but...um...I'm resigning."

- When McNamara gets swarmed.

"Where is your President now, Bob?"

- When McNamara is swarmed.

"McNamara can clearly manage just fine alone."

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Your ability to make a God-awful mess is truly awe inspiring."

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"(Sarcastically) When I grow up, I wanna be just like you, Bob."

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"You'll handle that about as well as the war in Vietnam."

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"(Sarcastically) Good job, good job, you should do this professionally."

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"I'd applaud if I wasn't busy cleaning up after you!"

- When McNamara makes a crawler.

"Oh look, a monkey for Jack's monkey. How cute."

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Don't just cuddle with it, USE IT!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey, monkey brains, throw the monkey!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I will not call you Big Mac until you use the Monkey Bomb!"

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

"I think you cheated, Bob."

- When McNamara gets the Monkey Bomb.

Other
"I KNEW IT! THEY'VE BEEN TAPING ME!"

- When the "Won't Back Down" music easter egg is activated. A reference to Nixon's involvement in the Watergate Scandal.

"Argh...Taxing me like a democrat!"

- Not enough money to buy a weapon or barrier.

"The bloodiest wars in history were fought with buttercups, and hippies!"

- At random.

Fidel Castro
"Will someone please find the power?!"

- At the beginning.

"Batteries were clearly not included!"

- At the beginning.

"Ah! Only a capitalist pig nation would deprive their people of power!"

- At the beginning.

Killing a Zombie
"Oh yeah!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"Hahaha! I am closer to heaven than never before!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"No man should live past the time where he begins, to deteriorate!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"I will use your stale skin to wrap my cigars!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"If only I have time, I would piss on your tomb!"

- Upon getting a kill.

"Time to die, zombie putas!"

- Upon getting a kill; "puta" means "whore" in Spanish.

"¡Viva la Revolución!"

- After a knife kill. It means "Long live the Revolution" in Spanish. He also said this in the cutscene.

"For Cuba!"

- After a knife kill.

"Taste my fury!"

- After a knife kill.

"Yaaaah!"

- After a knife kill.

"Destiny!"

- After a knife kill.

"Let that be a lesson to the bourgeois!"

- After an explosive kill.

"They fall as easily as Batista, ha-ha!"

- After an explosive kill. Batista was a Cuban politician who was overthrown by Castro's revolution.

"No escape for those who live like parasites!"

- After an explosive kill.

"Let the cursed blood rain!"

- After an explosive kill.

"Half the zombie you use to be, no?"

- After an explosive kill.

"BOOM!"

- After an explosive kill.

"Have a decency to die!"

- After an explosive kill.

"Ha ha ha! You look like my mother's ropa vieja!"

- After an explosive kill. "ropa vieja" means "old cloth" in Spanish, it is a famous cuisine in Latin American countries.

"Just like an lazy American, never finish their job!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"I am the rival of the West!"

- Upon getting a headshot.

"Eat dirt, dirty capitalista!"

- Upon killing a crawler.

"At least stand before I kill you!"

- Upon killing a Gas Zombie.

"Your stink reminds me the 23rd attempt on my life!"

- Upon killing a Gas Zombie.

"Oh.. Argh... Not enough cigars to cover that taste!"

- Upon killing a Gas Zombie.

"¡Vete pa'l carajo!"

- Upon multiple kills. "vete pa'l carajo" is a slang for "vete para el carajo" which means "go to hell" in Spanish.

"I am a one man battalion of invincible combatants!"

- Upon multiple kills.

"even if it takes months, every one of these hell spawns will burn!"

- Upon multiple kills.

"Aha, a lesson for you diablos!"

- Upon getting multiple kills. ("diablo" means "demon" in Spanish.)

"La revolucion!"

- Upon multiple kills. La revolucion means the revolution.

"I think you lost something, puto le muerte!"

- After destroying a zombie's limb. "Puto le muerte" means "fucking death".

"Juan! You lost something."

- After destroying a zombie's limb.

"As tasty as a Mojito!"

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun. A Mojito is a Cuban cocktail.

"Better than a perfect game!"

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"Thank you Ray Gun! Thank you for existing!"

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"HA! As advertised!"

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

"This weapon can move worlds!"

- After getting a kill with the Ray Gun.

Being hit by a Zombie
"Keep your putrid fingers off my uniform... filthy flesh eaters!"

- Upon getting hit by zombies.

"Touch me again and I will kill you again!"

- Upon getting hit by a zombie.

"This time the revolution is for real!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him.

"I dare you to repeat that offer maricón!"

- After killing a zombie that attacked him. "maricón" means "faggot" in Spanish.

"Only I can punish crimes of such magnitude!"

- After killing a zombie that recently injured him.

"Get off of my legs!"

- When hit by a crawler zombie.

"Come closer, I have a surprise for you!"

- When surrounded.

Down or revived
"Come to me! The revolution dies without Fidel Castro!"

- When downed.

"I will fight as a brace until my last breath!"

- When downed.

"Revive me! My work here is not yet complete!"

- When downed.

"Like the revolucion, I will never die!"

- Upon being revived.

"Gracias hermano."

- Upon being revived. "gracias hermano" means "thank you brother" in Spanish.

"Next round of Cuba Libres is on me!"

- Upon being Revived. A Cuba Libre is a type of Cuban beverage.

Hellhounds
(These were to be used as proven by PC audio until the creation of the Pentagon Thief)

"I will wipe you from the face of this earth!"

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"You will die like a capitalist pig!"

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Come to me so that you may receive your treatment."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"I spit on you dogs."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"Your stench makes my stomach turn."

- At the start of a Hellhound round.

"¡Muérase! ¡Los perros del infierno!"

- After killing a Hellhound (In English, it means "Die! Dogs of Hell!")

"Back to your cage, beast!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"Your pelt will adorn my walls!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"Die like the dog you are!"

- After killing a Hellhound. Reference to a similar quote by Nikolai Belinski.

"¡Perro travieso!"

- After killing a Hellhound In English it means "Mischievous dog!".

"I am the true dog whisperer!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

"No bitches would touch me!"

- After killing a Hellhound.

Ammo
"What is this? I'm low on ammo!"

- When low on ammo.

"I'm low on ammo!"

- When low on ammo.

"Capitalists keep ammunition from my hands!"

- When low on ammo.

"Great Lenin's ghost I'm low on ammo!"

- When low on ammo.

"Lots of ammunition to keep the revolution alive!"

- When low on ammo.

"I demand ammo!"

- When low on ammo.

"Bullets, bullets! My republic for some bullets!"

- When out of ammo. This is a reference to William Shakespeare's play "Richard III".

"There can be no revolution without ammunition!"

- When out of ammo.

"No ammo? Time for a cigar break then!"

- When out of ammo.

"I'm out! Knife work it is then!"

- When out of ammo.

"No more ammo? Fine, I will crush them with my fist!"

- When out of ammo.

Buying weapons off the wall
"I'll prefer to stand a fight but this will suffice!"

- After buying an M14.

"My time is now!"

- After buying an M16.

"Their lessons will be hard, but well deserved."

- After buying an MP5K.

"This is a honor."

- After buying an AK-74u.

"Time for some C.Q.C."

- After buying a PM63 off the wall.

"I love it!"

- After buying an MPL.

"I will spill off the wall."

"Just like the one I keep under my bed!"

- After buying a Stakeout.

"You dare overprice this?!"

- When try to buy a weapon without needed points.

Power-ups
"The revolution will never die now!"

- Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"¡Sí sí sí!"

- Upon getting a Max Ammo power-up. "sí" means "yes" in Spanish.

"Double Points? Only a capitalist pig would want more than what he is given."

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I only accept this rise for the sake of the people."

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"If only I have double the cigars, too!"

- Upon getting a Double Points power-up.

"I have time to resupply."

- Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"That is the time to resupply!"

- Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Have a moment before they return!"

- Upon getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Damn you Khrushchev for denying me this!"

- Upon getting a Nuke.

"Yuri for devastation!"

- Upon getting a Nuke.

"Burn away the spawns of fuerza negra then!"

- Upon getting a Nuke. "fuerza negra" means "black force" in Spanish, possibly referring to "Black Magic" controlling the zombies.

Perk-a-Colas
"I am a better comrade for this!"

- Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Hysterical? Neuractic? I am all that ain't more than juggernaut!"

- Upon drinking Juggernog.

"I haven't moved this fast in years!"

- Upon drinking Speed Cola.

"I think I can use this for nuclear business."

- Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer. A reference to the Cuban Missle Crisis.

Mystery Box
"Let the revolution begin!"

- After getting an AUG from Mystery Box.

"My battle against the unholy is one!"

- After getting a G11 from Mystery Box.

"I will split their skulls and use them for bowl!"

- After getting a Dragunov from the Mystery Box.

"The weapon of a calculating man."

- After getting an L96A1 from the Mystery Box.

"I will not waste a single day for something so just!"

- After getting a SPAS-12 from the Mystery Box.

"Perfect! Those infected-rotters look hungry for them!"

- After getting an HS-10 from the Mystery Box.

"As easy what I needed!"

- After getting a CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"I would wish that I have three arms!"

- After getting a Dual-Wielded CZ75 from Mystery Box.

"This is an outrage!"

- After getting a Python from the Mystery Box.

"Who needs Khrushchev missiles when I have this?"

- After getting an M72 LAW from the Mystery Box. A reference to the Cuban Missle Crisis.

"I will raise this hole to oblivion!"

- After getting a China Lake from the Mystery Box.

"Not for a billion capitalists dollars would I give up this work of art!"

- After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"If only I had this at the Bay of Pigs..."

- After getting a Ray Gun from the Mystery Box.

"The child who owns this box is raised by capitalist dogs!"

- When trying to open Mystery Box without requisite points.

Interactive
"You remind me of my comrade Che."

- When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Lenin would be pleased!"

- When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Now that's my little Dick!"

- When Nixon gets a headshot.

"Ah, Dick, you can still draw a crowd!"

- When Nixon is swarmed.

"Tear them to pieces!"

- When Nixon makes a crawler.

"Hey, I'll trade you a cigar for your monkey, Comrade Nixon."

- When Nixon gets the Monkey Bomb.

"(Spits) Dirty capitalista!"

- When Kennedy gets a headshot.

"(Laughs) Hey Kennedy, you're popular, yeah?"

- When Kennedy is swarmed.

"You idiot! You made a new one!"

- When Kennedy makes a crawler.

"Suprise, suprise, the monkey explodes, like the cigars you have sent me."

- When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

"Hey, hang on to it for a minute and see what happens, Jack."

- When Kennedy gets the Monkey Bomb.

Pack-a-Punch
"I will wait as many days as necessary!"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"*Whistles a tune*"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"Ah, like a perfect cigar! Smooth and silky!"

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Perfecto! Perhaps my cigars should get Pack-a-Punched."

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon. "Perfecto" means perfect in Spanish.

"It's play-time!"

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

Other
"If I were in Cuba this wouldn't happen!"

- When without enough points to buy something.

"Ladrón capitalista!"

- When without enough points to buy something. "ladrón capitalista" means "capitalist thief" in Spanish.

Female Announcer
"Power level critical. Major systems offline."

- At the start of a game.

"Level 1, main floor."

- When taking the elevator to the first floor.

"Level 2, war room."

- When taking the elevator to the second floor.

"Level 3, laboratories."

- When taking the elevator to the third floor.

"Power restored. We are now at death-con 1. Security lockdown active."

- When a player turns on the power.

"Warning, breach detected on level one. Initiating security protocol 115."

- On a Pentagon Thief round if the player is on the first floor.

"Warning, breach detected on level two. Initiating security protocol 115."

- On a Pentagon Thief round if the player is on the second floor.

"Warning, breach detected on level three. Initiating security protocol 115."

- On a Pentagon Thief round if the player is on the third floor.

"Attention, containment successful, system monitoring will remain on alert status."

- If the Pentagon Thief successfully escapes.

"Attention, containment failure, system monitoring will remain on alert status."

- If the Pentagon Thief fails to escape.

"We are now at death-con 2."

- When 1 death-con switch is used.

"We are now at death-con 3."

- When 2 death-con switches are used.

"We are now at death-con 4."

- When 3 death-con switches are used.

"Attention. We are now at death-con 5. Security lockdown lifted."

- When all 4 DEFCON switches are used.

"Attention. We are now at death-con 1. Security lockdown active."

- When the players leave the Pack-a-Punch room and the DEFCON level is reset.

Trivia

 * PC game files reveal recorded quotes from all four characters making references to the Wunderwaffe DG-2, the Thundergun, Hellhounds, and the Flamethrower as its own weapon.