User blog comment:Codfreak999/How tough is Chuck Norris?/@comment-2063304-20100526190617

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the Element of Surprise.

Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - except for the definition of mercy.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside it.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse - horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called Nun Barrys?. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.