Ascension/Quotes

This is a list of quotes for the map Zombies map Ascension.

Beginning a Match
"Okay...WHOA! Where the hell did color go?"

- Starting a game.

"Hey, check it out, black and white bitches!... Dah... no Power."

- Starting a game.

"Hey, Treyarch! Can we get a new objective, please?"

- Starting a game.

"Hey, what happened to all the color?"

- Starting a game.

"No one can ever tell me why there's always a big switch to find. Seriously."

- Starting a game.

"New place, same problem, no power. HOLY CRAP, NO COLOR EITHER!!"

- Starting a game.

"Uhhh...Is it just me, or did you guys hear a voice?"

- After hearing Gersch.

Killing a Zombie
"Now serving number one-fifteen!"

- After killing multiple zombies, or being surrounded. A reference to the element 115.

"Tank Dempsey! Kickin' ass and making messes!"

- When Dempsey is killing a lot of zombies.

"Wow, you're all so limp and... wow... (laughs)"

- When getting multi kills with the Thundergun

"Whoa man, I didn't know I was that good. Oh wait, yeah I did!"

- When killing a large group of zombies.

"I think that one hit the sky. Holy crap!"

- When killing a zombie with the Thundergun.

"Whoo! Learn to fly, freaksacks!"

- After killing multiple zombies with Thundergun.

"Thank you, Ray!"

- After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun

"Is that blood, or is there this red mist everywhere?"

- After getting a knife kill

"Not a chance in hell, you maggot addicts!"

- Dempsey after knifing a zombie.

"Can you clear through, flesh addict!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Take that marrow maggot!"

- After killing a Zombie.

"It's raining body parts, Richtofen will be so happy!"

- After blowing off a limb.

"Say "Hi" to Sam for me!"

- After killing multiple zombies with the Gersch Device

"EAT LEAD - uh, green shit - MAGGOT-ADDICTS!!"

- After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun (Possible reference to a line in the movie "Independence Day")

"EAT LEAD...uh, green... balls... FLESH ADDICT!!"

- After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun (Possible reference to a line in the movie "Independence Day")

"What's that? You don't want to die? Sorry, no returns accepted."

- Dempsey after killing group of zombies.

Being Hit by a Zombie
"I told you not to touch me BONE-JUNKIE!!"

- After killing a zombie that attacked him.

Space Monkey
"I'll send you back to space, monkey bones!"

- Getting attacked by a Space Monkey.

"Back off Monkey!"

- Dempsey after killing a Space Monkey

"Holy Undead Space Monkeys!"

- When starting a Space Monkey round (possible reference to Robin from Batman)

"Back up Buttercup."

- Said after being hit by a Space Monkey. A possible reference to a line in Halo 3: ODST

"Monkeys are stealing my Juggernog!"

- Dempsey after Monkeys start attacking Juggernog.

"Monkey are stealing my Jumping Juice!"

- Said if the Space monkeys are attacking the PhD Flopper Machine

"Eat it you undead space monkey!"

- Dempsey after Monkeys start attacking Juggernog.

Downed/Revived
"I know, I know, you need me, no need to tell me about it..."

- After being revived.

"It was all Nikolai's fault!"

- After being revived

"Oh, you saved me! Whatever."

- After being revived

"Dammit, they're taking me down!!!"

- After being downed

"I'm not winning here!!!"

- After being downed (possibly a reference to Charlie Sheen).

Ammo
"Hey! Player, get me some more ammo or we're both goin' down!"

- When out of ammo

"I'm outta ammo, how about you player?"

- Said when out of ammo (This is a clear fourth wall breach, which Dempsey has done before)

"Hey dude, want to get me some ammo!?"

- When out of ammo.

"You know this isn't as much fun when we don't have bullets!"

- Running out of ammo

"Nothing left in my guns."

- When out of ammo

"Yo! Need some Juice!"

- When out of Ammo.

"Gettin' Low on Ammo."

- When low on Ammo.

"I need some Ammo, How 'bout you, Player?"

- When out of Ammo.

"Think i'm gonna need a clip soon."

- When low on Ammo.

"No Ammo."

- When out of Ammo.

"I'm all out of juice!"

- When out of Ammo.

"I gotta get some Ammo before the bloodshed can continue!"

- When out of Ammo.

Buying a Weapon/Door
"Well, this will do the trick."

- After buying a sickle.

"Holy hell this is cool!"

- After getting the Gersch device

"Now THIS is why I keep playing!"

- After getting a Ray Gun

"Oh, the M16. She's just sooo perfect."

- After buying M16 off wall

"5.56 millimeter of love. Just like Richtofen."

- After buying an M16 off wall

"M one sleek. Awesome."

- After buying M16 off wall

"Right!The M16!"

- After buying M16 off wall

"M16! This tool get the job done!"

- After buying M16 off wall

"Yo freaksacks. Wanna try a classic?"

- After buying M16 off wall

Power Up
"That will keep them out for a few seconds!"

- Dempsey, after getting a Carpenter.

"I don't know how that works but, thank you."

- Dempsey after getting a Carpenter.

"Time for a break!"

- Dempsey after getting a Carpenter.

"Woah! Max ammo!"

- Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.

"Juice!"

- Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.

"Free killing"

- Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.

"Hear that freak bags? You're gonna die!"

- Dempsey, after getting an insta-kill.

"ROID RAGE!"

- after getting an insta-kill or a death machine power-up

"That's right, die!"

- Dempsey after getting an insta-kill.

"Ka-fucking boom maggots"

- Dempsey after getting a Nuke.

"Attention freaksacks, EVERYTHING MUST GO!"

- Dempsey when a Fire Sale is activated.

"I get to buy guns for half-price? AWESOME!"

- Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.

"Box pulls: 10 points! Sweet!"

- Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.

"The creepy little girl has a weird sense of humor."

- Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.

Perk-A-Cola
"Some things get better with age, Revive soda's not one of them!"

- After buying Quick Revive

"I can't stand prunes."

- After buying PhD Flopper

"Goes down like a bucket of slime."

- After buying Speed Cola

"Doesn't get any better, Mmm Mmm Mmm!"

- After buying Juggernog

"Whoa, that was sour."

- After buying Stamin-Up

Pack-A-Punch
"Who would have thought a little girl could cause sooo much trouble!?""

- Dempsey when Pack-a-punching a gun.

"Everyone says Tak is boring - and, maybe he is - but you always need that one stale guy to make the rest of us a little bit cooler."

- Said When Pack-a-Punching a Weapon with Takeo Masaki nearby

"This one is MINE!!!"

- When receiving a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"(Demented Laughing)"

- After receiving Porter's Ray Gun X2 from the Pack-A-Punch machine

"This just turned the fun knob up to 11!"

- After receiving Porter's Ray Gun X2 from the Pack-A-Punch machine. (Reference to "This is Spinal Tap")

"I don't like that Richtofen. I think I've seen him before Shi No Numa, in fact, I don't remember much at all..."

- When Pack-A-Punching a weapon, referring to the memory wipe caused by Element 115.

"Damn, I keep forgetting to update my Facebook page"

- Said when using the Pack-A-Punch machine

"Yeah, Nikolai is alright, I just think he is hiding something under all that booze."

- Said when Nikolai is near while the player is Pack-a-Punching.

"Skullcrusher, that's what they used to come back home."

- After Pack-a-Punching M16. Reference to M16 service during Vietnam war.

"What's better than then M16? The Skullcrusher!"

- After Pack-a-Punching M16. Reference to his quote from Kino Der Toten about the M16

"Looks like M16, smells like M16, kills like five M16!"

- After Pack-a-Punching M16. A possible reference to the Pure Silk commercial.

"Oh baby, whats not all about this?"

- After Pack-a-Punching M16.

"I'm gonna make 'em all die *laughing*."

- After Pack-a-Punching M16.

Mystery Box

 * "Bye-bye box. *mutters* Shit-balls"
 * — Getting a Teddy Bear
 * "Hey leggo my hand grenade! "
 * — After getting the Matryoshka dolls. (Reference to "Leggo My Eggo", a slogan of Eggo Waffles.)
 * "What's this?"
 * — After getting the Matryoshka Doll from the Mystery Box.
 * "An SMG... now I just need one for my other hand!"
 * — After getting an SMG from the Mystery Box.
 * "SCREW THAT STUPID BOX!"
 * — When attempting to use the mystery box without enough points.
 * "What in the world is Gersch?"
 * — After obtain Gersch Device from mystery box, reference to Shi no Numa quote about Root Beer Shelf
 * "Great. Just like that singing monkey."
 * — After obtain Gersch Device from mystery box.


 * "It's long, hard and accurate...Just like me."
 * — After obtaining a L96A1 from mystery box.



Matryoshka Dolls
"Who's this guy?"

- After Nikolai's Matryoshka Doll talks to him, because he ignores Nikolai.

"Just what I need, a crappy Russian toy!"

- After receiving the Matryoshka Dolls from the Mystery Box.

"Is this a doll or an action figure?"

- Using a Matryoshka Doll.

Other
"Yeah, yeah. Found the song. Whatever."

- Upon finding the secret song

"I sure hope that was a good idea."

- After completing the final power node.

"Look at the poor, evil doctor all surrounded."

- When Richtofen is surrounded.

"On my way, Doc. Only because I want to shank you myself."

- When Richtofen is down or surrounded.

"Hey Richtofen, speed dating again?"

- When Richtofen is being chased by zombies.

"Come get some maggot addicts!"

- Dempsey when surrounded, Reference to Full Metal Jacket.

"Player, focus man. We need headshots."

- Dempsey when surrounded.

"Yeah, Yeah. You got its head. What was that? five feet?"

—Said after Richtofen quotes himself getting a headshot. Rarely, Richtofen replies to Tank's comment with:

"Next time that could be you, Dempsey."

Beginning a Match
"Need to get the power on, so all this cool stuff turns on."

- Said at the start of a game.

"First objective: Turn on power. Second objective: Drink! Or vice versa! You know what I'd choose!"

- When starting a game

"Yeah, yeah, I'm almost out of vodka...I mean, No power!"

- When starting a game

"Why is there never any power?"

- When starting a game

"I will help you, but only if you bring me Vodka!"

- After Gersch speaks.

"That's what she said! (laughs)"

- Said after Gersch talks.

Killing a Zombie
"What I love about explosions is the explosion part."

- After blowing up a group of zombies

"Cheer up! You guys last longer than my marriages!"

- After killing a large group of Zombies

"This fucking gun is amazing!"

- When getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun.

"There are plenty of zombies for everyone, I just happen to be killing them all!"

- After killing multiple zombies.

"So easy, even a drunk can do it."

- Said when using the Thundergun. (Reference to Geico caveman commercials)

"The shattering bones of the, uh... DIE, DIE!"

- Said when using the thundergun.

"You'll never reach into the pockets of the, uh... I lost my train of thought."

- Said when killing a crawler.

"I feel like dirty western capitalist, hogging up all these kills!"

- When getting multiple kills

"The sound of your brain exploding is like music to my ears."

- Getting a headshot

"If only divorce was this easy."

- After killing a zombie with the Death Machine

"They were like dominoes, da?"

- Said after getting multiple headshots. Likely a reference to the "Domino Theory" of Communist Agression

"Feel the wrath of the Motherland!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Russians only get this close to vodka!"

- When a zombie hits Nikolai

"It's a party, see the confetti?!"

- After getting a headshot or an explosive kill

"Invade my space, I shoot your face!"

- Getting a headshot

"I am warning you, I am FLAMMABLE! *Long pause, then chuckles* Pull my finger..."

- When surrounded

Being Hit by a Zombie
"You touch me, I KILL YOU! Sounds like fair trade?"

- Nikolai after killing a zombie that just hit him

"My ex-wife hits harder than you!"

- after killing a zombie that recently hit him.

"I warned you, hell spawn!"

- After killing a zombie that had hit him.

"You are a fool for touching Nikolai!"

- After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You are like foot fungus!"

- After being attacked by a crawler

Space Monkey
"So, Takeo DID have love affair with stuffed monkey! Look what they made!"

- Randomly at the start of a Monkey Round.

"Am I drunk, or am I getting attacked by space monkeys?!"

- Nikolai being attacked by a Space Monkey

"What will Opposable thumbs do you now, eh?"

- When killing a space monkey.

"Owch, Monkey! I will kill you for that!"

- After being attacked by a space monkey.

"The monkeys are stealing my stuff!"

- When a monkey attacks a players perk.

"Orangutan!"

- When killing a space monkey

Downed/Revived
"Oh Shit, I need help! I don't care if it's Takeo!"

- After being downed

"I'm going down!"

- After being downed

"The bear's been hit!"

- After being downed

"I need help!"

- After being downed

"I've fallen and I cant get up!"

- Nikolai being downed. A reference to Life alert.

"(Exhales) About time! I was beginning to sober up!"

- After being revived

"I was getting tired of doing all the killing, so I took a break!"

- After being revived

"You should be thankful I was giving you something to do, other than running away!"

- After being revived

"It took thousands of them to finally take me down!"

- After being revived (A reference to a similar quote in Kino, where he exclaims "You've seen what happened to me, there were thousands!")

"I merely slipped in all the blood I spilled!"

- After being revived

Ammo
"Guess I'll have to use my bare hands... like with my fourth wife. Always talking..."

- When out of ammo.

"Every bullet must count now, I'm doomed!"

- when low on ammo

"These things eventually run out!?"

- When out of ammo.

"FUCK! Out of ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"I don't think throwing my gun at them will be as effective as having ammo."

- Said when out of ammo.

"My weapon is hungry for ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"I can't talk zombies to death, I need ammo."

- When out of ammo

"I can't wish zombies dead, I need ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"I give too many of my bullets away!"

- Said when low on ammo.

"If I don't find ammo soon I'll have to kill them with my breath!"

- When out of ammo

"Can anyone spare some ammo?"

- When out of ammo.

Buying a Weapon/Door
"They will never hear me coming...*burp*"

- Upon buying an M14 of the wall.

"This I can not wait to use!"

- Said after buying a SMG off the wall.

"I used this to kill a bear once, she was also my first wife."

- Buying a Shotgun off the wall

"I will aim carefully, pull the trigger at just the right time... wait, I am too drunk for this."

- Sometimes said after buying the M14.

"My wife used to wear this between her ears... because of my snoring."

- Upon buying a Sickle off the wall.

"That stripper DID take all my money!... Bitch..."

- Said when trying to open a door without enough points. This is a reference to a Kino Der Toten quote under the same circumstances.

"Shhh... I'm going to kill you.."

- After buying M14. A reference to Elmer Fudd from Looney Toons.

"'God-in-can' ...Okay."

- After buying a Thundergun

"Wait, so I can't just fire with reckless abandon?!"

- After buying a semi-auto weapon

"""This gun should be free, like in USA,everyone have gun there.""

- Can't buy a gun off the walls

"I hear this weapon cures living."

- Upon buying an Olympia off the wall.

"[burp]...uh, this will do."

- after buying the stakeout from the wall

"Such sharpness... like my wit."

- Upon buying a Sickle off the wall.

"This reminds me of home. 'HONEY, I'M HOME!'"

- upon buying the Sickle off the wall

"Nothing says trouble like a drunk Russian with an MG (laughs)!"

- Said after buying a MG off the wall.

"Come to Nikolai!"

- When buying the MP5k

Power Up
"I am so happy I can do the Trepak! (starts singing)"

- Whenever a power up is picked up or when scoring multiple headshots

"My weapon is filled with bullets, my body is filled with vodka. All is good!"

- After getting a Max Ammo.

"They're all dead, good time for drink."

- After the nuke explosion.

"Quick! Everyone make a mad dash for the box!"

- Upon picking up a Fire Sale.

"Let the carnage continue!"

- When getting Max Ammo

Perk-A-Cola
"Now, I am Russian bear!"

- After buying Juggernog.

"Now my reloads are as fast as my wit! (Laughs) You get it?!"

- After buying Speed Cola. (Based on a recent running gag of him following lame jokes with a "Get it?!"

"I do not like this drink, it ruins my buzz."

- After buying Quick Revive.

"This makes good mixer, no?"

- After buying Stamin-Up.

"This thick like Russian bull milk mom used to drink!"

- After buying PhD Flopper.

Pack-A-Punch
"I don't trust Takeo, I think he is up to something. Maybe he has been playing around with the monkey bomb."

- Said while Pack-A-Punching a weapon

"Takeo, he's quiet: that makes me suspicious. (Quieter) And, trust me, he's up to something - like playing with that evil, stuffed monkey, eh?"

- Said while Pack-A-Punching a weapon

"Ugh, I keep forgetting to update my Facebook page!"

- Said during the use of the Pack-a-Punch machine. This very sneakily breaks the fourth wall, as there ARE Nikolais on Facebook.

"Dempsey: I like him because he is brave, like 3rd wife. He is going to die one day but he will take many with him, like 4th wife."

- Said while using Pack-A-Punch and Dempsey is near by.

"Richtofen, I don't know why he like me so much. Maybe he is trying for a free drink. I don't give free drinks."

- During Pack-a-punch process.

Mystery Box
"I have black hole now just like 3rd wife! We won't talk about that."

- After collecting the Gersch Device

"I used this to kill my relative. She was my fifth wife!"

- After receiving an assault rifle from the Mystery Box.

"A cute little trinket. Maybe there's vodka inside, eh?"

- When activating the Matryoshka Doll easter egg or receiving one from the Mystery Box

"Great, now I have to hold up both arms!"

- After obtaining CZ75 dual wield.

"What a handsome weapon! Oh, that's my reflection! He he..."

- After getting the Thundergun from the mystery box.

"Ah the Falafel - good for eating AND killing."

- said after receiving the FAL from the Mystery Box.

"Fuck you Teddy Bear!"

- When getting a Teddy Bear.

"There it goes again. If you see my ex-wives, tell them "Fuck you!""

- When getting a Teddy Bear.

"Thank God I didn't hide my vodka in there."

- After receiving a Teddy Bear.

"I knew I should've spent the money on the vodka instead!"

- When getting a pistol from the box.

"I wonder if zombies can die from laughter..."

- When getting a pistol from the box.

"Now, if only Shitness could kill..."

- When getting a pistol from the box.

"Gun meet zombies, zombies meet death *chuckle*"

- When getting an assault rifle from the box.

"F'n A! I got the FN FAL!"

- When getting the FAL from the mystery box

Matryoshka Doll
"I have sister who used to make these. She's bitch."

- When using a Matryoshka Doll.

"A cute little trinket. Maybe there's vodka inside, eh?"

- When using a Matryoshka Doll.

"Hey! I had some of these back home!"

- When receiving a Matryoshka Doll.

"This reminds me of better times...if I had them."

- After examining a Matroska Doll or getting one from the Mystery Box.

Other
"HEY! You didn't get me a drink!"

- After completing the Kassimir Mechanism.

"A song! Let us dance."

- Said after activating the song "Abracadavre"

Beginning a Match
"I must give light to this dark, dead place."

- Starting a match

"Darkness is the domain of the dead, we must give this place life!"

- Starting a match

"With the switch of the honorable, we'll breath new life into this place."

- Starting a match

"War, Demon! It's just a shot away!"

- Starting a match (A reference to the The Rolling Stones song Gimme Shelter)

Kassimir Mechanism
"May the light shine in your darkness."

- Completing the first node.

"Poor points of power."

- Completing the second node.

"I am not sure how this is helping you, but I hope that it is."

- Completing the third node.

"Your fate, shall be decided by the honorable."

- Completing the fourth node.

"I will open a portal of honor!"

- Completing the fourth node.

"I am beginning to feel you are stringing us along."

- Completing the fourth node.

"More power! Where do we get more?"

- Completing the fourth node.

"I hope you in turn, free someone else.. who needs it."

- After freeing Gersch.

Gersch Device
"What the..... is this?"

- Getting the Gersch Device

"With this, they stand no chance!"

- Getting the Gersch Device

"This is a... most unnatural weapon."

- Getting the Gersch Device

"Oooh, I don´t like that."

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"Euh... how did I get here?"

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"Oh, that is just not right."

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"Focus, keeps the stomach from going inside out."

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"What once was, Is no longer!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"Bye Bye, Zombies!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"They will harm, no longer!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"They are send beyond!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"The abominations are pulled into the void!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

Killing a Zombie
"That's how we shake hands where I come from."

- Blasting away a Zombie's limb.

"I will cherish this moment."

- Blasting away a Zombie's limb.

"That's what you get from coming back from the dead!"

- Blasting away a Zombie's limb.

"I go too easy on you."

- Blasting away a Zombie's limb.

"Crawlers? I sense a good strategy with these."

- After making a crawler. (Referring to players who often make crawlers)

"Remember my name... TAKEO!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"Oh you wish to die face to face then? So be it!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"That is it? THAT is ALL you have?"

- After knifing a zombie.

"It slices! It dices! It's a wonder!"

- After knifing a zombie with a Sickle. (It is possible that this is a reference to the Slap-Chop commercial.)

"Like the sushi, it's all in the cut!"

- After knifing an enemy with a Sickle. (Not confirmed for knifing with combat knife.)

"Death should always be this intimate."

- After knifing several enemies with a Sickle.

"Slashing throats!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"Taste my steel!"

- after knifing a zombie

"Bow down!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"Ah-hah! That is called, a 'reversal of fortune' beast!"

- after knifing a zombie

"WHAT IS MY NAME?!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Spilling blood, is the only joy I know!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Back to your graves, death pigs!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Takeo is all that is man!"

- after killing a zombie. Reference to Kennedy's Quote on the map 'Five'.

"Take THAT, you soulless creature!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Just like how the universe began, Big Bang!"

- When killing Zombies with the Phd Floppers explosion.

"Grenades? I sense a good strategy with these."

- Killing a couple of zombies with a grenade.

"I don't like that."

- After jumping through the Gersch Device

"Confucius say, "Answer blow in wind." Wait, that's not right..."

- when killing a zombie with a Thundergun. A reference to the Bob Dylan song "Blowin' in the Wind"

Being Hit by a Zombie
"Touch me not, lest ye be destroyed!"

- Upon killing a zombie after being attacked.

"Ah! Every scratch met upon me, will be met upon you a THOUSAND fold."

- Upon being attacked

"Check your feet!"

- Upon getting attacked by a crawler

In trouble
"I will make the last stand of the 300, look like amateur hour!"

- Getting overwhelmed. (Reference to the movie, 300)

"Don´t be too anxious to cross sword with Takeo!"

- Getting overwhelmed.

"They have encircled my position!"

- Getting overwhelmed.

"Three-hundred-sixty degrees of protrusions!"

- Getting overwhelmed.

"You DARE sneak up behind me, cravens!?"

- Getting overwhelmed.

"The line will be drawn, here!"

- Getting overwhelmed.

"Come, I will give you something to groan about!"

- Getting overwhelmed.

"TO THE DEATHS!"

- Getting overwhelmed.

"That´s it, get a little closer! Don´t be shy!"

- Getting overwhelmed.

Space Monkey
"That doesn't sound good."

- Beginning of the monkey round.

"Ooh, what is coming now?"

- Beginning of the monkey round.

"This better be something GOOD, for once!"

- Beginning of the monkey round.

"Dempsey, you speak these monkeys' language, don't you? TELL THEM TO STOP STEALING MY PERKS!"

- Upon dealing with the Space Monkeys.

"Your thieving days are over!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"These are destroyed, by the weapons of the pure!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"Die, foul creature!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"Begone from this earth!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"The monkeys are stealing my Speed Cola!"

- When Space Monkeys attack the Speed Cola machine.

"NO! They steal the Stamin-Up!"

- When Space Monkeys attack the Stamin-Up machine.

"They are stealing the Boom Brew!"

- When Space Monkeys attack the PhD Flopper machine.

"They are stealing my Juggernog!"

- When space monkeys are attacking Juggernog.

"They are taking revive!"

- Takeo when the Space Monkeys are stealing Quick Revive.

"Get your hands off me you damn, dirty ape!"

- After killing a monkey that recently attacked him. A reference to Planet of the Apes.

Downed/Revived
"I refuse to accept this fate!"

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"No, not like this!"

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"No, this is not how Takeo will meet his demise!"

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"I dishonored myself on the ground like this."

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"Where is the sweet sushi taste, of a Quick Revive when I need one!?"

- after being downed by zombies.

"I will repay this debt, on my honor!"

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"I and my ancestors, thank you."

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"You do me a great kindness...my brother in arms."

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"You have ensured your survival, with this act."

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"Urgh... Domo."

- after being saved from the brink of death. (Domo roughly meaning "thank you" in Japanese)

Ammo
"Empty, I am!"

- When out of ammo (possibly a reference to Yoda from Star Wars)

"No guns, no problem!"

- When out of ammo

"I may be out, but it's not over!"

- When out of ammo

"No ammo, no problem!"

- when out of ammo

"Zero ammo, double the honor!"

- Takeo with no ammo.

"No ammo, or new weapon? Decisions...decisions..."

- Takeo commenting about players often needing to choose between no ammo, or buying a new gun.

"Confucius say, get more bullets dammit!"

- Takeo breaking the fourth wall.

"No ammo, no weapons... now the real fight begins!"

- Takeo with both weapons out of ammo.

Buying a Weapon/Door
"War demons, Is just a shot away!"

- Getting a sniper. (Reference to Gimme Shelter)

"I must destroy more undead for this gift."

- Trying to open a door/buy a weapon without the minimum required points.

"A skill-less, yet powerful weapon!(A reference to the fact that most gamers don't aim with a shotgun)"

- Buying the Olympia.

"A most interesting weapon."

- Buying the MP5K.

"I will cut them down... one limb at a time!"

- Buying the Stakeout.

Power Up
"Fortune and glory, Fortune AND GLORY!"

- Getting a nuke.

"And THAT was for my master!"

- Getting a powerup.

"The strength of my Ancestors powers me!"

- Getting a Max Ammo.

"You bring shame to the zombie people."

- Getting a Max Ammo

"Crazy Takeo! Must be insane with prices THIS low!"

- Getting a Fire Sale

"They are slashing prices!"

- Getting a Fire Sale

"Hurry up and buy!"

- Getting a Fire Sale (Reference to the film "Don't Be A Menace")

Perk-A-Cola
"Like a kamikaze on a hot day!"

- After buying Boom Juice (cut)

"I take this was rotten"

- After buying PhD Flopper (cut)

"Double-tapping my R.O.F"

- After buying Double Tapp. (cut)

"A taste that reminds me of home."

- After buying Quick Revive.

"Juggernog is fuel for honor!"

- After buying Juggernog.

"That would go well with Revive soda."

- After buying Stamin-up

"This...makes my eyes water."

- After buying PhD Flopper.

"I love S-s-s-sp-peed COLA!"

- Getting a Speed Cola

Pack-A-Punch
"I think Dempsey is like a ghost, he wake up in new world everyday. I don't think he remembers anything from before."

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish.

"Nikolai's presence brings me dishonor. He tries to drown the past. It will consume him one day. I do not think he remembers anything."

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish.

"Richtofen, his evil is great. But not as great as what we fight today. One day, when the time is right I will make him pay for what he has done!"

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish.

"Hurry up, time is a luxury here!"

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish. (Possible reference about the danger getting overwhelmed in the same room.)

"No more Mr. Nice Samurai!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"It has changed for the better!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"I love it when you Pack my gun with Punch."

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"My weapon, has been blessed by the gods!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"Just when I thought, It couldn't get any better!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"Like a butterfly bursting force from it's cocoon."

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"It is truly wondrous to behold!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"Pack-A-Punch, work your Black Magic!"

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to be finish

"More Yin for the Yang!"

- While waiting for Pack-A-Punch to finish.

"I'll take it!"

- After Pack-a-Punching a gun.

Mystery Box
"You dare laugh at Takeo!?"

- After getting a Teddy Bear instead of a weapon.

"Still this box mocks me, with its fickle ways!"

- Trying to buy the box, without the required 950 points. (Also replying to his comment in Kino der Toten.)

"One hundred twenty rounds per second. More then enough!"

- Getting the Spectre from the box.

"Double Fists of Fury!"

- Getting a double pistol.

"This is what my dreams are made of."

- Getting the Crossbow out of the box.

"I´d rather go into battle, with no arm!"

- Getting a weak weapon out of the box.

"It´s lack of honor, knows no bounds!"

- Getting a weak weapon out of the box.

"This box I trust no longer!"

- Getting a weak weapon out of the box.

"I will tear out your cottony guts for this, bear!"

- After getting a Teddy Bear instead of a weapon.

Interactive
"Doctor, your precision never ceases to amaze!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Your skills support your knowledge of Bushido!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot

"I can learn much from your brutality, Edward."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot

"Richtofen, your work will become a legend."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot

'''"Keep it up, doctor!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"Get to the doctor!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Hold fast, Edward! I'm coming!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"You can do it, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Keep it up, Richtofen! I am en route!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"It's not over yet, doctor! Keep fighting!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Oh, you relish in your work, doctor!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"You made a crawler! Congratulations!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"It still breathes, Edward! Finish him!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"You knock them down, I clean them up!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"Revel in it, Richtofen! Revel!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"You do not deserve such fortune!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Even a blind squirrel, occasionally finds a nut!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Your foul breath caused its face to explode!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"I give you begrudging kudos. Hmph."

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Wipe that grin off your face, Russian dog!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"You listen Takeo more, you live longer!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed (A reference to a similar line said by Short Round in Temple of Doom) '''

'''"I am bound by honor to aid you!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"The enemy of my enemy is...stinky!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"Look at Nikolai. Now that is a show!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"I weep for your honor, Russian dog."

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"Pathetic, even for a Russian!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"You just can't get it right, can you Nikolai?"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Nauseating."

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Your skills in battle offend my eyes!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Drink less, kill more, Bolshevik dog!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

Matryoshka Doll
"One becomes two becomes three becomes...Death!"

- When using a Matryoshka doll.

"How many surprises do you hide, little one?"

- When using a Matryoshka doll.

"A toy that even I can play with!"

- When using a Matryoshka doll.

Other
"There will never be enough of you to take my honor!"

- When being surrounded.

"Who are you?"

- Replying to Gersch at the start of a match

"I'm coming Edward!"

- When Richtofen is being swarmed

"Keep fighting Doctor, I'll come save you!"

- When Richtofen is being swarmed.

"I see you take great pleasure in your work, Doctor!"

- After witnessing Richtofen get multiple kills

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

- Upon firing the Thundergun (Reference to Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings)

"Uhh, I feel funny."

- After jumping through the Gersch Device

Beginning a Match
"Why is there no power? Where did all the color go? (short pause) Who am I talking to?"

- When starting a new game.

"If given enough time I could create a generator from spare parts- why is it black and white now?"

- Starting a game

"Dempsey must be the one turning off the power... he probably stole all the color too."

- When starting a new game

"Who keeps turning off the power wherever we go? And now taken the color? WHO IS DOING THIS!?"

- After starting a match

"I think that rat Dempsey stole all the color, and HE keeps turning off the power. Oh I hate you Dempsey."

- After starting a match

"There's no power. And no color. Fascinating."

- When beginning the match

"Usually the voices sound so angry!"

- After hearing the voice in the start.

Killing a Zombie
"It's like mowing a lawn of flesh, ja..."

- After killing multiple zombies

"Die you demon!"

- After killing a zombie

"Hahahahahahaha! DIE!!"

- After killing multiple zombies

"The insides of your head are delicious!"

- After getting a headshot

"I HARVESTED your soul!"

- After killing a zombie with the Sickle

"They are so small now, I can put them in my pocket."

- Said when he blows up a zombie.

"Why do the voices sound so ANGRY?"

- Getting multiple kills

"The screams of the dead fills my heart with joy!"

- Getting multiple kills.

"Boom goes the corpses!"

- Getting multiple grenade kills. Said to the melody of 'Pop goes the Weasel' Gets a china lake kill.

{{Quote|..tiny pieces! in Ze wine Hahaha!|Said with any explosive kill.

{{Quote|DON'T LOOK DO- oh, too late.|Said with a Thundergun kill}}

{{Quote|I hope you understand that you will all die.|When swarmed}}

{{Quote|The power! ...Oh look, they all fall down.|Said with a Thundergun kill}}

{{Quote|Oh, that must hurt so good.|Said with a Thundergun kill}}

{{Quote|They're flying... Fly Children! FLY!|Said with a Thundergun kill}}

{{Quote|Now you could fit into a gumball machine... and I could have a piece of you for a quarter. WHO HAS A QUARTER?! Dempsey?|After blowing up a zombie.}}

{{Quote|Gather around, gather around... it's story time, mein children...(Demented Laughter)|When swarmed.}}

Being Hit by a Zombie
"Again, the doctor is victorious!"

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"It bounces off me and sticks on you! (Laughs) Oh, sticks on you..."

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"NEIN! My turn!"

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"I do the dissections around here!"

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"It's warm! It's warm it's on my neck!"

- After killing a zombie that had hurt him.

"Get off my shoe schwein! (Laughs) Shoe schwein."

- Being hit by a Crawler.

"Off of me, sheisse!"

- When hit by a crawler.

"Stay back you little creeps!"

- When hit by a crawler

"You must be put down!"

- When hit by a crawler.

"It wants to play! How cute."

- When near a crawler.

Space Monkey
"(laughs) I don't like monkey."

- Said upon killing a space monkey.

"Are they trying to comunica- oh no... they're having sex."

- Said upon being attacked by a space monkey

"At least it isn't throwing shit."

- After being attacked by a Space Monkey.

"Die little hairy man!"

- After killing a Space Monkey.

"Look at the tail! I want the tail!"

- After killing a Space Monkey.

Downed/Revived
"We shall commence with the killing."

- After Richtofen is revived

"The doctor needs a nurse."

- after getting downed

"I'm not dead! ...Not yet."

- After being revived. Possible reference to the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

"Step away, the doctor is back."

- After being revived.

"Nein, nein! I need assistance!"

- When being downed

"Doctor needs a nap."

- after getting downed

Ammo
"This weapon is empty!"

- When running out of ammo

"Nein, nein, nein! I need ammo!"

- When running out of ammo

"Now, to find some ammo!"

- When running out of ammo

"Without proper ammo, I cannot give them proper death!"

- When running out of ammo

"The ammo is low!"

- When low on ammo

"Dempsey! Did you steal my ammo?"

- When having no ammo.

"Hm... ammo is running low."

- -When running low on ammo

"Only few bullets... perhaps I should stab them."

- When running low on ammo.

"Ze Doctor needs to find ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"That sound taunts me."

- When out of ammo. Refers to the clicking sound made when a gun is empty.

Buying a Weapon/Door
"Oh, the inflation is killing me!"

- When trying to open a door without enough points, a reference to the hyperinflation that occurred in the Weimar Republic (post WWI Germany)

"Eenie meenie miney SHOTGUN!"

- Said when receiving a shotgun from the Mystery Box or buying one off the wall

"Now to strike them in their SPINE!"

- Said when buying a M14 off the wall

"I shall touch you, from a great distance!"

- After buying M14.

"This will paint the walls a wonderful color....RRRED!!!"

- Said when receiving a LMG or Assault Rifle from the Mystery Box. May also apply to other weapons

Power Up
"Oh ze little demons go boom!"

- Upon getting a nuke.

"The explosion is so intense! I cannot contain myself."

- Upon getting a nuke

"Ja, ja, send me more patients!"

- After receiving Insta-Kill.

"Your death will be quick!"

- After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill.

"Now you DIE!"

- After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill]].|undefined

"Double the points, double the death, double the fun."

- After receiving a Double Points power-up

"Shut up, shut up. I must concentrate."

- When receiving the Double Points power-up

"Oh, ja, I've been waiting for this!"

- After receiving Double Points

"Well, this place did need a remodel."

- After getting Carpenter.

"Where does this man with the hammer hide?"

- Upon receiving Carpenter

"Their little heads will go... BOOM!"

- When getting a max ammo drop

"More ammo, more death! *maniacal laugh*"

- After getting Max Ammo.

Perk-A-Cola
"BLAH! Gets me every time..."

- After buying Revive Soda.

"(said very fast) This drink is my favorite, I cannot express how much I enjoy it's invigorating taste and exceptional finish."

- After buying Speed Cola

"It has "Doctor" in the title. Just like me!"

- Upon purchasing PhD Flopper.

"Ah good, I was getting parched."

- After buying Juggernog.

"With this The Doctor can go for a very long time! *laughs* Does that turn you on?"

- After buying Stamin-Up

"Ah, the Root Beer shelf. We meet again, my friend."

- The unused quote for drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

"Oh ja, maybe this will toughen me up."

- Unused Quote for the cut perk Tufbrew.

"With this I can go down even quicker!"

- Unused quote for the cut perk Pronaide.

Pack-A-Punch
"Eenie Meenie Minie Mo, I will shoot you in ze toe; UND ZE FACE!"

- Said when receiving a weapon from the Pack-a-Punch machine.

'''"I've always disliked Dempsey. He's just a meathead. Nothing's changed no matter how much we did it."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

'''"Nikolai. Maybe it was his drinking that made him take so well. Or maybe what we did, gave him his drinking problem. Oh well."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

'''"Takeo has always been so quiet. For some reason, no matter the pain, he's always so respectful. I hate that."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

Mystery Box
"How do they get that little person inside?"

- After receiving a Matryoshka Doll from the Mystery Box

"Oh ja, this will work nicely."

- Getting a SMG from the Mystery Box

"Why is there no Ricthofen device?"

- Getting a Gersch device from the Mystery Box

'''"This is unfortunate."

- When getting a "bad" gun from the Mystery Box '''

"Eenie meenie miney SHOTGUN!"

- Said when receiving a shotgun from the Mystery Box, or buying one off the wall

"Box... we talked about this."

- Said when receiving a pistol from the Mystery Box

"Damn,damn,DAMN!"

- after receiving a CZ75 or python from the mystery box.(A reference to Good Times)

"I used to crush these when I was a child to hear my sister cry in anguish."

- Said when interacting with a Matryoshka Doll.

"Mother told me never to play with dolls - now... they are MINE!!"

- When getting the Matryoshka Dolls

"The Gersch Device!"

- After receiving the Gersch Device from the Mystery Box

"Nothing is better than a personal black hole."

- After receiving the Gersch Device from a Mystery Box

"If I'd made this it would have sucked and not blown. (Laughs)"

- When getting the Thundergun

"Why do you taunt me?"

- Said when Mystery box disappears.

"I shall find this box and with its gifts DESTROY YOU ALL."

- Said when Mystery box disappears.

"Where did it go?"

- Said when Mystery Box disappears.

"What? DO NOT TOY WITH ME, BOX!"

- Said when Mystery Box disappears.

Interactive
"Help is on the way, comrade!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed

"(Chuckling) Dempsey is trouble! (Laughter)"

- When Dempsey is swarmed

"Nein! Nikolai, you must survive!"

- When Nikolai is downed.

"I'm coming for you, Nikolai!"

- When Nikolai is downed.

"I will be coming soon Nikolai! Oh so soon..."

- When Nikolai is downed.

Kassimir Mechanism
"Maybe we should help this... thing."

- When the generator is sucked into the Gersch Device.

"This Kassimir Mechanism sounds intriguing!"

- When node one of the Kassimir Mechanism is completed.

"Ahhhh, this is just too much fun!"

- When node two of the Kassimir Mechanism is completed

"Kassimir? Could this be related to Hendricks’s work?"

- When node three of the Kassimir Mechanism is completed

"How exciting! JOY!!!"

- When node four of the Kassimir Mechanism is completed

"You've already have this much power and you've want more?!? ... I like the way you think."

- Said in response to Gersch saying there still isn't enough power after a Gersch Device is used next to the Kassimir Mechanism after all nodes have been activated.

"Ohhhh, I HATE it when that happens before I’m done!"

- If portal collapses prematurely

"1.21 GIGAWATTS!!! ...Where have I heard that before...?"

- When node puzzle is successfully completed (an obvious nod to the "Back to the Future" series)

"Fascinating! A dimensional rift! Goodbye Gersch! It would have been good to know you!"

- Richtofen when Gersch is released.

Matryoshka Doll
"It rubs the lotion on the doll, it does this every time. *long pause* Or else it gets the hose again."

- When using a Matryoshka doll. A reference to the movie "Silence of the Lambs".

"Oh, there's a doll inside a doll inside a doll! Sounds perverse!"

- Upon using a Matryoshka Doll.

Other
"Nein, my turn!"

- When being hurt and then knifing back the zombie.

"I do like the sound of this one... It tickles my special place."

- Said upon activating the musical easter egg

"I see one, two, thr-- oh shit."

- When being targeted by large group of zombies.

"Hey Zombie, got the time? (laughs) Doubt it!"

- When shooting off a Zombie's arm. (A possible reference to a similar quote of Dempsey's from Kino der Toten.)

"IT TICKLES! IT TICKLES I KNEW it it tickles!!!"

- Said upon getting downed. )

Gersch
"Please.. Help me.. She's coming! The mechanism must be repaired."

- Said at start of game.

"You've done it! Now, it needs as much power as possible. Hurry, she's getting nearer!"

- Said after generator is sucked into Gersch Device.

"Three more! No, stop it!"

- After activating Node 1 in the Kassimir Mechanism.

"It needs to be more concentrated power for this to work!"

- After activating Node 2 in the Kassimir Mechanism.

"Yes, YES! Almost there! Hurry! She's coming! LUNA!!"

- After activating Node 3 in the Kassimir Mechanism.

"Ah yes, I'm free! I cannot thank you enough for releasing me from this horrible place."

- After completing the Kassimir Mechanism.

Tank
"Your breath smells like death!"

- When Nikolai activates Tank's Doll

"Hey hey what up Tak?"

- When Takeo activates Tank's Doll, a pun of Bugs Bunny's catch phrase "What's up, Doc?"

"You suck Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen activates Tank's Doll

"Hey good looking!"

- When Tank activates his own doll

Nikolai
"Oh... hi Dempsey!"

- When Tank activates Nikolai's doll.

"I hate you Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen activates Nikolai's doll.

"Your eyes are empty Takeo!"

- When Takeo activates Nikolai's doll.

"Hey... you look just like my sister!"

- When Nikolai activates his own doll.

Takeo
"You ugly American!"

- When Tank activates Takeo's Doll

"Good day doctor!"

- When Richtofen activates Takeo's Doll

"I will not work for you!"

- When Nikolai activates Takeo's Doll

"For the emperor!"

- When Takeo activates his own doll

Richtofen
"Hey, Dempsey, you're so big."

- When Tank activates Richtofen's Doll

"Ack... don't breathe on me."

- When Nikolai activates Richtofen's Doll

"Oh... hi Takeo!"

- When Takeo activates Richtofen's Doll

"Hehe... stop tickling me!"

- When Richtofen activates his own doll