Shangri-La/Quotes

The following is a list of the characters' quotes for the Zombies map Shangri-La.

Starting a Match
"Ugh we have the same objective again, I'm getting tired of this, you know you guys NEVER give the community what they want!"

- Upon spawning.

"Lights are out, Perk-a-Cola machines are out, the zombies aren't here yet, guess that means we gotta turn on the power."

- At the beginning of a match

"Power's out... wait, does power even make sense in an ancient temple? Seriously, Treyarch? SERIOUSLY?"

- At the beginning of a match

"Power's out, then again, why is there power in an ancient temple? FUCK YOU TREYARCH!"

- At the beginning of a match

"Finally, we're out of that damn closet!"

- Upon spawning. Reference to the Original Characters Trapped easter egg.

"No power. (yawn) I'm so bored of this unquoted objective that I can't even complain anymore...."

- At the beginning of the match

Zombie
"Cover your ears, shriek-bag!"

- After a Shrieker Zombie spawns

"No dice, gutterbags. You Die!"

- after getting a Spikemore kill

'''"Care for some spikes, Mr. Jones? (Reference to Indiana Jones)"

- After getting a Spikemore kill '''

'''"Crack shot certification complete. Where's my medal?"

- After getting a headshot '''

"Ka-Boom!"

- after shooting a zombie with an Olympia.

"DIE! DIE!"

- After killing a bunch of zombies

"FREAKS!"

- After scoring multiple kills

"I've got your ticket off planet Earth, maggots! Congratulations!"

- When swarmed (Reference to next zombie map, Moon)

"I'm gonna die someday, but your day is today!"

- When swarmed

"Crap! My ears are bleeding!"

- After Shrieker Zombie spawns

"Baaa-Bloee! Nice."

- After getting an explosive kill

"You hear that? We got a Flamer on the way!"

- After a Napalm Zombie spawns

"You see that?! There's brains all over the place! (Laughing)"

- After getting an explosive kill

"Fly, zombags, fly!"

- After getting an explosive kill

"Got a flamer for ya, Richtofen!"

- After a Napalm Zombie spawns (A flamer is a term for a homosexual.)

"Nikolai! Is that screaming one of your wives?!"

- After a Shrieker Zombie spawns. Reference to Nikolai's many wives.

Weapon
'''"Yo, she-bitch, FUCK YOU!"

- When the Mystery Box disappears '''

'''"I. Hate. That. Box!"

- When the Mystery Box disappears '''

'''"Ah, the M16. Maiming zombies since 1964."

- After getting the M16 '''

"Winning!"

- When obtaining an LMG from the box, an obvious reference to Charlie Sheen

'''"Well, green balls are better than blue balls any day of the week!"

- Reference to WeeklyTubeShow2's Piccolo lays a Beating '''

"Yeah! Fun for the whole family!"

- After obtaining the M72 LAW or China Lake from the Mystery Box. Also a reference from Tallahassee in Zombieland.

"Alright zombies, it's time to meet your maker...well the first maker...not Richtofen."

- Said when receiving a high damage weapon from the mystery box. (A reference to how Richtofen helped create the zombies and hinting that Dempsey is recovering from the 115 memory wipe)

"This is gonna deliver a metric crap ton of awesome!"

- After buying an SMG off the wall "Let's do this."

- After getting an SMG from the Mystery Box

"Spikes are way better than clay!...Okay, that was a bad joke. Sorry."

- After getting a Spikemore kill (A reference to the Claymore)

No Ammo
"If I run outta ammo I'm kickin' your ass, player. Notice I didn't say shoot... cause I need FUCKIN' AMMO FOR THAT!"

- Said when out of ammo

"Need some lovejuice, sweetheart!"

- When out of ammo

"Hey player, you got about 20 seconds before I show up in your living room and have a few words with you...or until I say another out of ammo line...GET THE HINT?!"

- Said when ammo runs out

"I better start looking for some lead."

- After having low ammo

"No ammo, well this freakin' sucks."

- After having no ammo in a gun

"Time to get some juice for this gun. I'm out!"

- When having no ammo

"I need to get some honey for this sweet thing."

- When having no ammo

"Hey Player, drop the chips and get me some ammo!"

- When having no ammo

Perk-a-Cola
"Hey, fishy, fishy, fishy."

- After drinking Quick Revive

"This is cool and all, but I already get headshots."

- After buying Deadshot Daiquiri

"Mmm, Jugger-Girl, I think I love you."

- After drinking Juggernog

'''"Cowboy up, partner!"

- After drinking Double Tap Root Beer '''

"This stuff gives me the shakes."

- After drinking Speed Cola

"Ugh, goes down like hardcore lemon-lime with a twist of gasoline."

- After drinking Stamin-Up

"Slap your body to the floor, everybody wants some more of your explosive lovin'... he he... genius..."

- After drinking PhD Flopper

Downed/Hurt/Revived
"Gah! My knee caps!"

- After being attacked by a crawler

"Where the hell were you when I went down?"

- After being revived

"I didn't say we could snuggle!"

- After killing a female zombie that recently touched him

"Get off of me Cupcake! I already had dessert."

- After killing a female zombie that recently touched him

"Shit, When's Treyarch inventing shin armor?"

- When attacked by a crawler

"Ah! My ass!"

- When getting hit by the Punji Stakes

"Yeah, that totally sucked. Thanks. (Sighs) Can't believe I just said that."

- After being revived

Utilities/Landmarks
"All i want is some down time, a pot of gold, and a hula girl. mmnnnnnnn hula girl"

- Tank Dempsey after entering the water fall area.

"Yahoo!"

- When using Geyser

"I'm flyin'!"

- After using the Geyser

"Okay, that's slightly annoying."

- When walking through the mud pit

"Aw, I bet poor Nikolai would get lost in here."

- When entering the mudpit

"I wish my monkey was here to enjoy this with me."

- When going down water slide

"I would have fucking paid for this!"

- When going down the water slide.

Pack-a-Punch
"Skullcrusher. Good gun, good name, good times."

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched M16

"Now it's party time, and I'm bringing the doughnuts."

- After receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon

"Ancient temples, Russian cosmodromes, being stuck in a dark closet with Richtofen. (Sighs) What an adventure."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"Sure was nice to hear the sound of a woman . Too bad I couldn't see who it was. Heh. Could've been someone famous...nah."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch (Reference to Sarah Michelle Gellar in Call of the Dead, a real celebrity)

"I think Nikolai and Takeo are gonna get into it one of these days. I mean, how often can Takeo get away with calling him Nikki?"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"Richtofen is scheming something big, as usual. I bet it's no good for the rest of us. Better keep an eye on him."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch, a reference to the easter egg "Richtofen's Grand Scheme" on moon.

"Wonder why Richtofen's acting so stranger lately...wait, did I say that right?"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch

Interactive
'''"Good shootin' Tak!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"Nice shootin' Tak!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"SQ-UISH goes the zombie!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"Skulled him, Tak! Nice!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"Confirmed kill. Oorah!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"You outta teach Dicktofen how to shoot like that!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"Dont'cha just love that little guy, Tak?"

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"If anyone is doing anything a little...borderline with that monkey, it's Richtofen, man."

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Tickle his chin, Tak. He likes that."

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Alright! Hurry up and use it, Tak!"

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Yo, Tak, sweet monkey brah!"

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"We're coming, Tak!"

- When Takeo is swarmed ''' "Help's on the way!"

- When Takeo is swarmed

'''"Gotta go help out Tak!"

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Tak, stop tryin' to have all the fun, man!"

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Hang in there, buddy! We're comin'!"

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Got a slug comin' in!"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Hey Tak, need a doggy bag for your leftovers?"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Got a knee biter comin'! Watch your legs!"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Got a little left there, Tak."

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Look at that little thing crawl. Sick."

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"(Sarcastically) Oh yeah, that was great. He walked right in front of ya, man."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"Heh. Hey Richtofen, I think your weapon spontaneously fired."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"(Laughs) You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a shotgun at three feet."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"Throw enough shit at the wall, sometimes a little will stick."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot (in the safe version, "shit" is replaced with "mud") '''

'''"Hey! Richtofen finally hit something!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"That wasn't you, Richtofen! I shot at him yesterday and it finally caught up to him!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot  "Richtofen, don't get any ideas. I don't think it's legal!"

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Oh no! That poor little monkey!"

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Hey, Richtofen, quit playing with your monkey and help us out, man!"

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Poor little monkey in the hands of a perverted psycho sadist."

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Hey, monkey bones, punch him in the banana and run!"

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Tear him apart, freakbags! Wait, I wanna do that MYSELF!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Start runnin' or start shootin', Doc! Pick one!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"They can't get enough of ya, Doc!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Alright, I'll bail you out AGAIN, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"That speed dating thing ain't workin' for you cause you're UGLY, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed (A reference to a similar quote he said to Richtofen in Kino der Toten) '''

'''"Richtofen, stop experimenting and start helping!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"Keepin' that one for some down time lovin'?"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"You take torture to new heights, you know that?"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"You just can't help yourself from making your little creations, can you?"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"One of these days, I'm gonna make YOU crawl!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"Hey Richtofen, how 'bout some knee time? You like that anyway!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

Miscellaneous
"Oh screw you! I've killed so many zombies, this crap oughta be free by now!"

- When not having enough points for a weapon/door.

'''"I got the meteor! Check it out, I'm all perked up! (Referencing to the 7 perks that the player gets from getting the Stone)"

- When picking up the Focusing Stone '''

'''"You lucky bastard."

- When someone gets the Focusing Stone '''

'''"Uh, that looks a little like Richtofen, doesn't it? Odd."

- After noticing the statue that looks like Richtofen '''

'''"Nice sig, Richtofen. When the hell did you have time to do that?"

- After noticing Richtofen's signature on the Focusing Stone altar '''

'''"They hid yet another song. Where do they get these original ideas from?"

- After activating the song '''

Starting a Match
"Let me guess, power? A few more shots of vodka, then I'll go looking!"

- After starting a match

"What would we do if the power was already on? Yeah. I know, I know. Never going to happen."

- After starting a match

"Eh, but it was nice break, no?"

- After starting a match, responding to Dempsey's quote about the "closet".

"Who needs power when you have vodka?! Don't answer that."

- After starting a match

"I have been wearing same pair of underwear for two years now! Oh, and power's out."

- After starting a match

"(sarcasticlly) there's no power!"

- After starting a match

Zombie
"I can use you for my train set."

- When shrinking zombies with the 31-79 JGb215

"Good, it's small now! Little zombette..."

- When shrinking zombies with the 31-79 JGb215

"Zombie... in my vodka...When shrinking zombies with the 31-79 JGb215"

"Pieces be with you!"

- After getting an explosive kill (Pun of the phrase "Peace be with you")

"This party's really dead!"

- After scoring multiple kills

"Enjoy Hell!"

- When killing a zombie.

"How dare you touch Nikolai! I just bathed for first time!"

- After killing a zombie that recently touched him

"Never touch drunk Russian, hellpig!"

- After killing a zombie that recently touched him

"Never get close to a Russian"

- After killing a zombie while Insta-Kill is active.

"My sister is more dangerous than you!"

- After killing a female zombie that recently hit him

"Get some love juice sweetheart!"

- After killing a female zombie

"Is my vodka okay? Phew! That would have been bad!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him

"Ba-boom! (Laughing which turns to choking) Ugh, I just inhaled some zombie."

- After getting an explosive kill

"It's snowing hell spawn!"

- After getting explosive kill

"It's like firework show, only with blood and zombies."

- After getting explosive kill

"He looks like my brother-in-law! I should probably kill him, too."

- After a Shrieker zombie spawns

"He-he, smells like victory. Oh no! Fire Pig!"

- After a Napalm zombie spawns

"Watch out, fire zombie!"

- After a Napalm zombie spawns

"Hellspawn for real!"

- After a Napalm zombie spawns

"Good! That sound was driving me nuts! (A reference to the Der Riese trailer.)"

- After killing a Shrieker Zombie.

"That arm comes right off, doesn't it?"

- After shooting off a zombie's arm

"Oh, good, it's small now!"

- After shrinking a zombie

"I really disarmed him! Ha! I have heard that before."

- When gibbing a zombie (Reference to Richtofen's quote)

"Take that, arm! I'll get the rest of you later."

- When gibbing a zombie.

"Stay away from my (burps)!"

- After killing a zombie

Weapon
"Hey, look a new toy."

- When getting the Spikemore

"Hey, zombies! Get back!"

- After getting a weapon from the Mystery Box

"Good! I can be a lazy sniper for a while!"

- After getting a sniper rifle out of the Mystery Box or M14 off the wall

"Great, Nikolai can kill 50 zombies now!"

- After buying the Stakeout

'''"Anyone mind if I stroke this gun for a while?"

- After getting the FN FAL '''

'''"Effin Fallafle, I think I love you."

- After getting the FN FAL '''

'''"Oh great, a gun-shaped paperweight."

- After getting a "bad" gun from the Mystery Box '''

'''"This is why I drink so much."

- After getting a "bad" gun from the Mystery Box '''

"You could say this day is going to be explosive because... aw, screw it, I quit."

- After getting the Crossbow from the Mystery Box

'''"Hello, baby Takeo! I cannot wait to get rid of you!"

- When getting the Monkey Bomb '''

"Why would I want to make it smaller?"

- After getting the 31-79 JGb215 from the Mystery Box

"Because of fourth wife I like pump-action best."

- After getting Stakeout

"This gun needs cup holder."

- After getting the M14 off the wall or a sniper rifle out of the box

"This gun is heavy. Anyone wanna trade?!"

- After buying the M14 off the wall

"Does this come in red?"

- After obtaining the Ray Gun from the Mystery Box

"With this, I will paint the Square red. Get it? Because I'm Communist and we have a red- Oh fuck you."

- After buying a shotgun

"Where does all my money go? Vodka, she is cruel mistress."

- When trying to buy something without enough points (a reference to the quotes in Kino der Toten and Ascension when he tries to buy something without enough points)

"Ah my old friend shall we go kill some zombies?" *muffles voice* Yes Nikolai yes we shall!"

- Said when obtaining the Ray Gun from the box

"Aha! Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta... hehe"

- When obtaining a machine gun from the box

Ammo
"Okay, no ammo. But I do have plenty of vodka. Things are looking up for Nikolai!"

- After having no ammo

"Hey, zombies! Can you please go attack someone else for a while?"

- After having no ammo

"I need one of those floating, green, ammo container thingys!"

- After having no ammo (Referring to a Max Ammo drop).

"Okay, Nikolai, find some ammo. Easy!"

- When having no ammo

"Vodka for ammo? Anyone? No? Good."

- When having no ammo

Downed/Hurt/Revived
"(Awkwardly) I am thanking you, for all this, good help, you are giving to me."

- After being revived

"Vodka? Check. Balls? Check. Russian? Check. Ok, I'm good to go."

- After being revived.

"Oh. You needed help? I was just taking nap after killing billions of zombies and...you're walking away. Okay. That's fine."

- After being revived

"Ow, my shins!"

- When getting hit by a crawler.

"Ow! My shin really hurts now!"

- When getting hit by a crawler.

"Ow, my balls!"

- After getting hit with the punji sticks

'''"Oh shit, that nearly took off my ass!"

- After getting hit with the Punji Stakes '''

"My ass! My beautiful ass!"

- After getting hit with the Punji Stakes

"Ohhh, I think it scratched me!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him

"Oh! I won't be able to sit for weeks!"

- After getting hit with the punji spikes

"What? Oh, I was just looking for vodka bottle, it, it dropped on ground, see?"

- After being revived

"(screams) It almost made me woman!"

- When getting hit by a crawler.

"Ow! I hate crawlers!"

- After being scratched by a crawler

"Get out of here, crawling hellpig!"

- After getting hit by crawler

Utilities/Landmarks
"Put me down! PUT ME DOWN!!!!!!"

- After using the geyser

"Russians don't like flying!"

- After using the geyser

"I think it was left. No, no, right! Oh, God, I have trouble walking in straight line!"

- After walking through mud maze

"Wh-What? Did I just pass out?"

- After moving through maze pit

"This... is... HELL!"

- when moving through the maze pit

"(Feminine scream) That was too close to my hammer and sickles!"

- After going through Punji Spikes (Reference to the Soviet Union symbol in his belt)

'''"Well, that certainly looks safe. Takeo, go test it out."

- After noticing the Mine Cart '''

'''"A minecart! I've always wanted to be an explorer, ever since I was a mini Cossack."

- After noticing the Mine Cart '''

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

- When using the minecart

"I am not opening my eyes until this thing stops moving!"

- When using the minecart

"Stay down, vodka, for love of motherland stay down!"

- When using the minecart

"Phew! Russians do not like being impaled!"

- After going past the Punji Spikes (reference to Ivan, a Russian Czar who loved impaling his enemies)

"Wheeee! (Russian singing)"

- When taking the Water Slide

"Wheeee! I feel like little boy again!... Except for vodka."

- When taking the Water Slide

"That is one fucking creepy Teddy bear, (said quietly) like 2nd wife."

- When getting Teddy bear from mystery box

Perk-a-Cola
"Ugh, vodka and fish do not mix."

- After drinking Quick Revive

"Guh, I feel muscle-ly all over. Almost as good as vodka!"

- After drinking Jugger-Nog

"Am I supposed to drink this or eat it?"

- After drinking PhD Flopper

"Wooo! That is a spicy drink! Let's hope it doesn't come out that way!"

- After drinking Speed Cola

"My body feels drunk... but my eyes feel sober. I do not like."

- After drinking Deadshot Daiquiri

"Its taste is complex, with hints of (belched word) and (burp)."

- After drinking Stamin-Up

"Twice the shots!...(whispered) Would've helped me with 2nd wife"

- After drinking Double Tap Root Beer

Power-Ups
"Good, I needed a break. Anyone else want a shot?!"

- After getting a Nuke

"BOOM zombies!"

- After getting a Nuke

"YES! And it refilled my vodka, too! Woohoo!"

- After getting Max Ammo

"This just got more fun!"

- After getting Insta-Kill

"We got a raise, no?"

- After getting Double Points

"OK, no one else kills zombies for a while but me!"

- After getting Double Points

Pack-a-Punch
"One of these days, we'll teleport to vodka factory. (Sighs) Soon, Nikolai. Soon."

- Said while Pack-a-Punching

'''"I am drunk. Very, very drunk. And a drunk Russian DOES NOT LIKE TO WAIT!"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

"Ding!"

- When taking his gun back from the Pack-a-Punch

"What the hell is that Golden Rod Richtofen keeps stroking? I don't trust that man! I think he has issue."

- When Pack-a-Punching a weapon

"I cannot wait to hear the 'ding'! (After gun is ready and makes 'ding') Such a sweet sound."

- While Pack-A-Punching

"Occilating goodness!"

- After taking the Pack-A-Punched HK21 (Referencing the Pack-A-Punched HK21 name, H115 Oscillator)

Interactive
'''"A toast to the capitalist pig dog!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"Hey, look! I think you got four of them at once, Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"Take notes from Dempsey, Takeo! That's how you shoot!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"You are the second best shooter I know, Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"Not bad for American pig dog!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"Dempsey, I do not trust that monkey."

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Bleh! Please Dempsey, don't make it play that stupid song!"

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"It may look cute, Tank, but it is killer!"

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"When you are done with monkey, can I kill it?"

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"I am glad the box didn't give me that stupid monkey!"

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Hold on, Dempsey! The Russian will save you!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"I will be right there, comrade!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Look at Dempsey, taking on the zombie hoard single handedly!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Hellpigs, stay away from Tank!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Okay, okay, I will come help you, Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Dempsey, watch your feet!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"Look at it, groveling at your feet, Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"No legs and still it comes? This is ridiculous!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"Next time, Dempsey, aim higher!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"Dempsey, you made a crawler!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"Oh look, big boy got a headshot!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"Your first headshot, Tak! Let me get a photo of this! Click! He he...you don't know when it's gonna happen again, yeah?"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"50 more like that, and you'll still be 200 behind me!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"You're better at aiming puke then that gun, Takeo!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot (A reference to the Original Characters Trapped easter egg, in which Takeo threw up and didn't talk) '''

'''"You could not hit my fourth wife's ass with that aim!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot '''

'''"You two have much in common."

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Two of the things I hate most!"

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Fuck you and your monkey, Takeo!"

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Do you want some alone time with your little friend, Takeo?"

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"May be your first wife, Takeo. (Laughs)"

- When Takeo gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Fight with your eyes open next time, Takeo! Hehe, stupid."

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Should I help Takeo or not? Vodka, what do you think? (Talking as vodka) I say, forget him and have another drink!"

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Look, Takeo needs our help, AGAIN!"

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Okay, okay, Bushido warrior! The big boys will help you out!"

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Takeo, you look like you've got handle on things."

- When Takeo is swarmed '''

'''"Maybe next time you should kill the zombie, Takeo!"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Step aside "warrior" and let real man take care of it!"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"What were you aiming at, Takeo?"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Oh great, now I've got to watch my feet, too? You suck, Takeo!"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Hey, Takeo, FUCK YOU!"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

'''"Don't let it crawl in your underpants, ninja!"

- When Takeo makes a crawler '''

Miscellaneous
"Sweet music! Dempsey, let's dance!"

- After activating the hidden song

"Takeo, you're a horrible dancer. My second wife dance better than you, and she's dead! Why is he running away?"

- Seeing Takeo run away. A reference to the Original Characters Trapped easter egg

"Hey, what does this rock do? Oh, I feel very powerful!"

- After getting the Focusing Stone

"I did not want the rock anyway."

- After witnessing some one else take the Focusing Stone

"That statue looks a little familiar, no?"

- After noticing the statue that looks like Richtofen

"How did Richtofen's signature get there?"

- After noticing Richtofen's name on the Focusing Stone altar

Starting a Match
"We have arrived at the Ancient Temple that needs power turned on...highly suspect."

- After starting a match

"They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So, we must get the power on...again."

- After starting a match

"You do not need psychic powers to know what we must start with: the power switch!"

- After starting a match

"Let me guess, we have to turn on the power...again!"

- After starting a match

"Not for me. It was a horrible experience."

- A reference to him throwing up in the Original Characters Trapped Easter Egg and a reference to Nikolai's comment.

"Oh, I have nothing left to throw up (painfully)"

- After starting a match and a reference to the Original Characters Trapped easter egg

Weapons
"The quality of the gun, is not as important as the bad motherfucker holding it! (Laughs)"

- Getting a bad gun from the box.

'''"This will do. For now."

- Getting a bad gun from the box '''

"Ah look at this! FULL-AUTO-HONOR!"

- Getting a machine gun.

"I need bullets like yesterday!"

- Getting low on ammunition (Possibly a reference to similiar quote used by Kennedy.)

"I am bringin' the boom!"

- Getting a Launcher.

"Lets get dirty"

- Buying the Bowie Knife.

"Hmm buying a Knife instead of a Katana!?"

- Buying the Bowie Knife.

"I will destroy their souls!"

- Getting the Raygun.

'''"This can shrink the body, but not the dishonor!"

- After getting the 31-79 JGb215 '''

'''"Ha ha ha."

- After a Monkey Bomb kill '''

'''"Cymbals of death! (Laughs)"

- After a Monkey Bomb kill '''

'''"Your sacrifice was not in vain."

- After a Monkey Bomb kill '''

'''"That's my monkey!"

- After a Monkey Bomb kill '''

'''"No more playtime!"

- After a Monkey Bomb kill '''

'''"Ah, my old, furry friend! We will make great music together!"

- When getting the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"I would take you home to my family, if I had not slaughtered them for their insolence!"

- When getting the Monkey Bomb '''

"Ah, I return to basics."

- Getting a Sniper Rifle

"Somebody wanna give Takeo a new mag?"

- Getting low on ammunition.

"Better then a pistol, at least."

- Getting a SMG.

"Fast rate of fire, great damage, highly accurate."

- Getting a SMG.

'''"Patience rewarded."

- After buying the AK-74u '''

"Ah, I have been blessed with the AK-74u."

- Buying the AK-74u

"The AK-74u. A great weapon!"

- Buying the AK-74u.

"Buckshot of honor!"

- Getting a shotgun.

"Time to SPREAD the love!"

- Getting a shotgun.

"HEAVY!"

- Getting a LMG.

Zombie Monkeys
"That's my stuff... what the fuck!?"

- Seeing a Zombie Monkey stealing a Power-Up.

"That thieving monkey has our goods, after him!"

- Seeing a Zombie Monkey stealing a Power-Up.

"Stealing, always leads to bad end."

- Killing a Zombie Monkey.

Zombie
"Hey look a hoard of zombies,a hoard of zombies!"

- After chased by a hoard of zombies

"I am not one to brag, but damn!"

- After getting a headshot.

"Fear the laugh of the honorable!"

- Killing a Shrieker.

"Spawn Flame is near, be wary."

- Seeing a Napalm Zombie spawn.

"Your flame is no-more!"

- Killing a Napalm Zombie

"That sound.. be wary"

- Seeing a Shrieker spawn.

"I am just getting warmed up!"

- When killing lots of zombies

"The line will be drawn HERE!"

- Killing lots of zombies

"Gahhhh!"

- After getting a knife kill

"Hands off, you rotten sack of bones!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him

"Never touch Takeo!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hurt him

"Begone foul creature!"

- When killing a zombie

Utilities/Landmarks
"I have water in my dark place!"

- Using the Geyser

"LOOK OUT BELOWWWWW!"

- Using the Geyser

"I once killed man on the waterfall, was a good day."

- Upon reaching the Water Fall

"It reminds me of the Shiraito Falls at Mount Fuji."

- Upon reaching the Water Fall

'''"Rock falls from Heaven, scattering all before me. Hope my house not hit!"

- After noticing the giant meteor on top of the temple '''

"I fly in air! Like a bird! A warrior bird!"

- Using the Geyser

"If money is required, then money I shall find."

- After trying to buy a door without enough money

"Hmm it's no Lunar Lander, but it will suffice."

- Discovering the Mine Cart. (Refers to the Lunar Lander in Ascension.)

"When was the last time this was used?"

- Discovering the Mine Cart

"FOR HONOOOOUR!"

- Using the Water Slide

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHH!"

- Using the Water Slide

'''"Worst. Ride. Ever."

- When riding the Mine Cart '''

"Whats that singing? Nikki that you?"

- Using the Minecart.

'''"The riddle of the power has been broken!"

- After turning on the power '''

"Hmph, an easter egg not so hard this time...oh it's just the Power Switch."

- Turning on the power

"I have solved the power problem"

- Turning on the power

Downed/Hurt/Revived
'''"Your help is appreciated, but unnecessary if you do your job!"

- When revived '''

'''"You want my thanks, but you shall not have it!"

- When revived '''

'''"Smartest move you ever made, reviving me!"

- When revived '''

'''"The Seven Kingdoms of Heaven were not ready for a warrior such as I!"

- When revived  "You have gained honor!"

- When revived '''

"Aww that hurts!"

- Getting hit by the Punji Spikes

"That pains me! In my dark place"

- Getting hit by the Punji Stakes

'''"Ah! These better not be covered in shit! Might be now."

- Getting hit by the Punji Stakes '''

Perk-a-Cola
"I do not care about money. Just give me cola."

- After trying to buy a Perk-A-Cola without enough money

"Mmm, my favorite."

- After drinking Quick Revive

"I feel so strong, and fierce."

- After drinking Juggernog

"I can go all-night with this"

- After drinking Stamin Up

"Cowboy up, partner!"

- After drinking Double Tap Root Beer

"Speed Cola, it's a happy day."

- After drinking Speed Cola

'''"Prunes. Chewy. I might need to wash this down with Nikolai's vodka!"

- After drinking PhD Flopper '''

'''"I like daiquiris, but this one taste like yogurt!"

- After drinking Deadshot Daiquiri '''

Power-Up
"Double points or double time."

- After getting Double Points

"Let's do this!"

- After getting Double Points

"Good timing, I was getting dry."

- After getting a Max Ammo

"DEVASTATION!"

- After getting a Nuke

'''"Time to buy while it's cheap!"

- After getting a Fire Sale power up '''

'''"Get it while it's hot, people!"

- After getting a Fire Sale power up '''

'''"Box, box, find the box!"

- After getting a Fire Sale power up '''

Pack-a-Punch
'''"Richtofen is scheming something. I think he's collecting tools for some purpose."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

"Dempsey is waking up. Slowly but surely. Maybe he will remember someday."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch (A reference to how Takeo was the first one to recover from 115)

'''"Nikki, oh poor, drunk Nikki. Her honor has been washed away."

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

'''"I could have caught, skinned, and cut my own sushi by now!"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

"How dare you make Takeo wait like this!?"

- Upon using Pack-a-Punch

'''"One day, I will make Richtofen wish he had amnesia!"

- When receiving a Pack-a-Punched M14 '''

"You have the guts to let Takeo wait!?"

- Upon using Pack-a-Punch

"I'll take it!"

- Getting his upgraded gun.

"My palms sweat with anticipation."

- Upon using Pack-a-Punch

"Let the games, begin!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

'''"Ah, the Mnesia. Very nice!"

- When receiving a Pack-a-Punched M14 from the machine '''

Interactive
'''"You have the eyes of a hawk, my friend!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"A quicker death than I would have expected from you, doctor."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"That's it, Edward! Cut them all down to size!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"Such precision! You should be brain surgeon, dear doctor!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"I envy your skills, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot '''

'''"Congratulations, Edward!"

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"You have been blessed, doctor."

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"The monkey honors you with his explosive presence!"

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Ah, the monkey. Use it wisely, good doctor."

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"I think the monkey took a shine to you, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"We must help the doctor!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Hold them! We are coming!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Stand fast, Edward! I'm coming!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Survive Richtofen, you must survive!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Hold them off until I can get to you!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed '''

'''"Oh, I see you're enjoying yourself yet again, good doctor!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"I envy your work, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"You take pride in your work, Edward!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"Doctor! You have made something new!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"Yes! Make them work for their meals, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler '''

'''"A Nikolai headshot? Hell must have snow too!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Your targets must be drunk too, Nikki!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Ha! I've seen better!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Dah! Anything Nikki can do, I can do better!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot (reference to the song "Anything You Can Do" by the Broadway musical "Annie Get Your Gun") '''

'''"That was only two feet away, Nikki!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"You do not deserve such furry blessings!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"I burn with resentment at the gift you have been given, Nikki!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Monkey Bomb? Seven Hells Nikolai, I hate you!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Give me that monkey, Nikolai!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Nikki, you should be very afraid of monkey. It hates you!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"They must smell the rotting of Nikki's liver!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"Nikolai will die with dishonor...but not yet!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"You're not holding up your considerable weight, Nikolai!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"What, are you drunk? Huh! Of course you are!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"I see you're quite popular in undead circles!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"Ugh, your aim is as poor as your breath!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Nikolai, you shame yourself!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Efficiency is good business, Nikolai. And you show none of it!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Kill them! Do not play with them!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Are you trying to get us killed? Finish him!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

Miscellaneous
'''"I have been blessed by my honor!"

- After getting the Focusing Stone '''

'''"You have been blessed by the Emperor!"

- When someone else gets the Focusing Stone '''

'''"Why does that statue resemble Richtofen?"

- After noticing the statue that looks like Richtofen '''

'''"Nice signature, doctor."

- After noticing Richtofen's signature on the Focusing Stone altar '''

Start
"This place has power? Neat-o!"

- After beginning a match

"We have arrived in an ancient temple, that has a power switch. That's a weird combo."

- After beginning a match

"Power power power, where is the power?"

- Upon beginning a match

"Hello? We're here! Now to make it to the switch to start the fun"

- Upon beginning a match

"The power is out. Well, if there's power, it's out."

- When starting a match

Zombie
"Ack! Bad demon! Bad!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him

"I took your legs. Now I take your life!"

"NO TOUCHY!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him after killing a crawler zombie.

"Gahaha! Glorious!"

- After getting an explosive kill

"Itty bitty bits are everywhere! (Demented laughing)"

- After getting an explosive kill

"I made you small, like Dempsey's brain!"

- After shrinking a zombie with the 31-79 JGb215

'''"Shrink! No, I'm a real doctor. (Laughs) You see what I did there, with the joking?"

- After shrinking a zombie with the 31-79 JGb215 '''

"The doctor kicks you in the nuts!"

- After running into a shrunken zombie

"What mutation causes a fire zombie?"

- Upon seeing a Napalm Zombie

'''"(Laughs) No arms!(Laughs) Like Switzerland."

- After blowing a zombie's arm off (a referance to the fact that Switzerland was neutral in WWII) '''

"Mother? Is that you? I didn't do it!"

- Upon seeing a Shrieker Zombie

"NEIN MONKEY! MINE!"

- Upon killing a monkey zombie that took a power up

"I need a mop for the sad ones!"

- After getting an explosive kill

"I'll swallow your spleen raw!"

- After killing a monkey

"(Singing) One little, two little, three little zombie heads!"

- After getting a headshot "Either their heads are getting bigger or I'm getting better!"

- After getting a headshot

Power-Ups
'''"Time to buy!"

- After getting Fire Sale '''

Weapon
'''"This is a rifle, not just a gun. I use it to kill, and it's so much fun!"

- When getting a sniper rifle (A reference to the film "Full Metal Jacket") '''

"Sniping is an art of which I am a master"

- After getting a Sniper Rifle

'''"*Gasps* The Spectre! It sounds almost like doctor!"

- After getting the Spectre '''

'''"It's a little gun, but it has a long barrel, like my college roommate."

- After getting the Spectre '''

'''"If you listen carefully, this gun is saying - DIE!"

- After getting the Spectre '''

"Hmmm. A shotgun."

- After getting a shotgun

"I knew Maxis was working on such a device, but I had no idea he was successful."

- When getting the 31-79 JGb215

'''"Mother said I shouldn't play with dolls...or myself, but I don't always do what mother likes."

- When getting the 31-79 JGb215 '''

"OH IT'S SO shitty"

- Said when getting a "bad weapon" from the Mystery Box

'''"Dempsey, you need a shave? (Laughs) I'll cut your head off."

- When buying the Bowie Knife off the wall '''

"Danger monkey!"

- After getting the Monkey Bomb from the Mystery Box

No Ammo
"I can't have fun with no ammo for my gun!...ah, I'm a poet and didn't know it."

- When out of ammo

"I AM OUT OF AMMO!"

- When out of ammo

"The more I kill the more ammo I need...This is obvious"

- When out of ammo

"I NEED MORE AMMO!"

- When out of ammo

"Can anyone spare some ammo for the doctor."

- When out of ammo

"Where did I leave that box of ammo?"

- When out of ammo

"NEIN! NEIN! I cannot be out of ammo?"

- When out of ammo

"This lack of ammunition is an unfortunate turn of events."

- When out of ammo

"Again with the spinny box thing."

- When out of ammo (A reference to the Mystery box)

Utilities/Landmarks
"Oh, that looks like fun."

- After noticing the mine cart

"(in a happy tone) Reminds me of my childhood. (in an angry tone) Stop talking to me!"

- After noticing the mine cart

"(quietly) The voices.. (slight scream) Ahh the voices!"

- When using the Minecart

"Look, Nikolai! How romantic!"

- After noticing the water fall.

"So very confusing."

- Upon entering the Mudpit

"Where is the exit?"

- Upon entering the Mudpit

"Ah-ha-ha-ha-haa wooo!"

- When using the Water Slide

"Weee! I feel so high!"

- When using the Geyser

"Oh spikey love!"

- After using the Punji Stakes

"Look out! That was close."

- After going through Punji Stakes

"It's so slippery, and wet, and fun! Just like you, Nikolai!"

- When using the Water Slide

"I was conceived in a Mine Cart. Or was it a lab?"

- Upon finding the Mine Cart (Also a reference to the real life location of Der Riese)

"I HATE TRAINS!!"

- Said when riding a minecart

"Nein..."

- When seeing the Punji Stakes.

"Everyone, the power is now on!"

- After turning on the power.

"Like wind in the lederhosen!...(quietly) I'm not wearing any though."

- After taking the geyser

"OW! MY BACKSIDE!"

- After being hit by punji stakes

"(screams in pain) Oh, that's good, that's okay, buy me dinner next time."

- After being hit by punji stakes

"A-AH! That's usually an extra fifty."

- After taking the geyser

Downed/Hurt/Revived
'''"I saw a light this time, like the Führer's flashlight."

- After being revived (A reference to Adolf Hitler, also known by his title "Der Führer") '''

"Thank you, but it was all part of my plan."

- After being revived

"THE VOICES are so loud!"

- After being revived

"They can't kill the doctor!"

- After being revived

"Help me Nikolai!"

- After being swarmed by zombies

"Assistance! I need assistance!"

- After being downed

"Help me!"

- After being downed

"The doctor can not die!"

- After being downed

"(Furious) I'M COMING FOR YOU MAXIS!"

- After being downed (Reference to Doctor Maxis)

Perk-a-Cola
"WHY! Why do you taste so BAD!?"

- After buying Quick Revive

"Now their heads will be mine!"

- After drinking Deadshot Daiquiri

'''"Off in a flash!"

- After drinking Speed Cola '''

"Juggernog! My favorite!"

- After buying Juggernog

"Glorious! I was feeling a little down."

- After drinking Stamin-Up

"This drink gives me gas."

- After drinking PhD Flopper

"Ah, the beer of the root! (laughs) I said root."

- After drinking Double Tap Root Beer

Pack-a-Punch
'''"This acursed machine takes an eternity!"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch '''

'''"The G115 Generator...JOY!"

- When recieving a Pack-a-Punched G11 from the machine '''

'''"Zombies, come out and play! (Laughs) I love that film!"

- When recieving a Pack-a-Punched weapon '''

Interactive
'''"Ah, nice shot Nikolai. Wunderbar."

- When Nikolai gets a headshot (Wunderbar is German for "wonderful") '''

'''"Nikolai made brain paste!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"I've told you Nikolai, I'm your biggest fan!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"You got it in the head, Nikolai!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Ah, ja, very good Nikolai!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot '''

'''"Don't be afraid, Nikolai. He likes you!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Why does everyone ELSE get the fun toys?"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Keep it away from Sam, Nikolai!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"It's so soft und fuzzy, just like you Nikolai."

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Oh that little bundle of fury, is SO MUCH FUN!"

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Nikolai, I will probably not let them hurt you...if time allows!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"Back, minions! Stay away from his vodka!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"I WILL HELP YOU, NIKOLAI!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"The Doctor's coming!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"Nikolai needs our help! Get moving!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed '''

'''"Nikolai, you've mastered the art of creation!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"You missed a little bit. It's still alive."

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"Ah, you've made a crawler!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"A crawler has been born! Wunderbar!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"There goes a crawler! Squish squish squish!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler '''

'''"You got lucky Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"That one doesn't count! He was barely moving!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"Oh, everyone look, Dempsey got a headshot. So what?"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"Dempsey, someday your luck will run out, und I'll be there."

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"Dempsey, maybe let him get closer next time?"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot '''

'''"I hope you die, Dempsey."

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Look at it, Dempsey. It's BEGGING for you to play with it."

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"That monkey has more brains than you, American."

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Tread lightly, Dempsey. He will stab you in your kidney if you don't."

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"Quick monkey, steal his ammo!"

- When Dempsey gets the Monkey Bomb '''

'''"You deserve that, Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"I will help you, but only because I want to be the one to eat your heart!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Dempsey is surrounded. JOY!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"(Tauntingly) Oh, look at our brave American soldier, needing help from the doctor!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Dempsey is being tortured by my little children! (Sighs) A daddy could not be prouder!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Feast, little ones, FEAST! Oh, I mean, I'm on my way Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed '''

'''"Oh, Dempsey, when will you learn to finish?"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"Crawler, courtesy of our brave American tool."

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"A crawler is like a nat that won't get out of your spleen juice."

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"Dempsey makes stupid American crawlers!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"No pie for you, Dempsey. NO PIE!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

'''"I hate the crawlers you make, Dempsey! I will kill them!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler '''

"It's so soft and fuzzy! (In a baby voice) Just like you, Nikolai."

- When Nikolai gets the Monkey Bomb

Miscellaneous
'''"It's mine! MINE! I'LL CONTROL THEM ALL!"

- After getting the Focusing Stone '''

'''"You'll have to give that back to me when you're done using it!"

- When someone else gets the Focusing Stone '''

'''"That statue is so hot!"

- After noticing the statue that looks like him '''

'''"Oh, that's odd...Yeah. Yeah, there's something I need to go do real quick. Be right back!"

- After noticing his signature on the Focusing Stone altar ''' "I have earned un achievement!...(weakly) yay."

- After getting an achievement

'''"They keep hiding these songs in plain sight. WHY?"

- After solving the musical easter egg '''