Ascension/Quotes

Beginning a Match
"Hey, check it out, black and white bitches!...Dah..No Power."

- Starting a game.

"Hey, Treyarch! Can we get a new objective, please?"

- When starting a new game.

"Hey, what happened to all the color?"

- When starting a new game.

"No one can ever tell me why there's always a big switch to find. Seriously."

- When starting a new game.

"New place, same problem, no power. HOLY CRAP, NO COLOR EITHER!!"

- When starting a new game.

Killing a Zombie
"Now serving number one-fifteen!"

- After killing multiple zombies, or being surrounded. A reference to the element 115.

"Tank Dempsey! Kickin' ass and making messes!"

- When Dempsey is killing a lot of zombies.

"Wow, you're all so limp and... wow... (laughs)"

- When getting multi kills with the Thundergun

"Whoa man, I didn't know I was that good. Oh wait, yeah I did!"

- When killing a large group of zombies.

"I think that one hit the sky. Holy crap!"

- When killing a zombie with the Thundergun.

"Thank you, Ray!"

- After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun

"Is it just me, or is there this red mist everywhere?"

- After getting a knife kill

"Not a chance in hell, you maggot addicts!"

- Dempsey after knifing a zombie.

"Take that Romero maggot! (Reference to George Romero)"

- After killing a Zombie

"It's raining body parts, Richtofen will be so happy!"

- After blowing off a limb.

"Say "Hi" to Sam for me!"

- After killing multiple zombies with the Gersch Device

"Eat lead...uh, green shit, marrow-maggots!!"

- After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun (Possible reference to a line in the movie "Independence Day")

"What's that? You don't want to die? Sorry, no returns accepted."

- Dempsey after killing group of zombies.

Being Hit by a Zombie
"I told you not to touch me BONE-JUNKIE!!"

- After killing a zombie that attacked him.

Space Monkey
"I'll send you back to space, monkey bones!"

- Getting attacked by a Space Monkey.

"Back off Monkey!"

- Dempsey after killing a Space Monkey

"Holy Undead Space Monkeys!"

- When starting a Space Monkey round (possible reference to Robin from Batman)

"Back up Buttercup."

- Said after being hit by a Space Monkey.

"Monkeys are stealing my Juggernog!"

- Dempsey after Monkeys start attacking Juggernog.

"Monkey are stealing my Jumping Juice"

- Said if the Space monkeys are attacking the PhD Flopper Machine

Downed/Revived
"It was all Nikolai's fault!"

- After being revived

"Oh, you saved me! Whatever."

- After being revived

"Dammit, they're taking me down!!!"

- After being downed

"I know, I know. You need me. No need to tell me."

- After being revived

"I'm not winning here!!! (Possibly a reference to the recent Charlie Sheen viral videos)"

- After being downed

Ammo
"I'm outta ammo, how about you player?"

- Said when out of ammo (This is a clear fourth wall breach, which Dempsey has done before)

"Dude, get me some ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"This isn't as much fun without bullets!"

- Running out of ammo

"Nothing left in my guns."

- When out of ammo

Buying a Weapon/Door
"Well, this will do the trick."

- After buying a sickle.

Power Up
"That will keep them out for a few seconds!"

- Dempsey, after getting a Carpenter.

"I don't know how that works but, thank you."

- Dempsey after getting a Carpenter.

"Time for a break!"

- Dempsey after getting a Carpenter.

"Woah! Max ammo!"

- Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.

"Juice!"

- Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.

"Free killing"

- Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.

"Hear that freak bags? You're gonna die!"

- Dempsey, after getting an Insta-kill.

"That's right, die!"

- Dempsey after getting an Insta-kill.

"Ka-fucking boom maggots"

- Dempsey after getting a Nuke.

"I get to buy guns for half-price? AWESOME!"

- Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.

"Box pulls: 10 points! Sweet!"

- Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale. (Referring to how the Mystery Box only costs 10 points to access during a Fire Sale)

"The creepy little girl has a weird sense of humor."

- Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.

Perk-A-Cola
"Some things get better with age, Revive soda's not one of them!"

- After buying Quick Revive

"I can't stand prunes."

- After buying PhD Flopper

"Doesn't get any better, Mmm Mmm Mmm!"

- After buying Juggernog

Pack-A-Punch
"Who would have thought a little girl could cause sooo much trouble!?""

- Dempsey when Pack-a-punching a gun.

"Everyone says Tak is boring - and, maybe he is - but you always need that one stale guy to make the rest of us a little bit cooler."

- Said When Pack-a-Punching a Weapon

"This one is MINE!!!"

- When receiving a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.

"(Demented Laughing)"

- After receiving Porter's Ray Gun X2 from the Pack-A-Punch machine

"This just turned the fun knob up to 11!"

- After receiving Porter's Ray Gun X2 from the Pack-A-Punch machine. Also a reference to the mockumentary "This is Spinal Tap"

"I don't like that Richtofen. I think I've seen him before Shi No Numa, in fact, I don't remember much at all..."

- When Pack-A-Punching a weapon, referring to the memory wipe caused by Element 115.

"Damn, I keep forgetting to update my Facebook page"

- Said when using the Pack-A-Punch machine

"Yeah, Nikolai is alright, I just think he is hiding something under all that booze."

- Said when Nikolai is near while the player is Pack-a-Punching.

Mystery Box
"Bye-bye box. *mutters* Shit-balls"

- Getting a Teddy Bear

"Hey leggo my hand grenade!"

- After getting the Matryoshka dolls. (Reference to "Leggo My Eggo", a slogan of a waffle branch.)

"What's this?"

- After getting the Matryoshka Doll from the Mystery Box.

"An SMG... now I just need one for my other hand!"

- After getting an SMG from the Mystery Box.

"SCREW THAT STUPID BOX!"

- When attempting to use the mystery box without enough points.

"What in the world is Gersch?"

- After obtain Gersch Device from mystery box, reference to Shi no Numa quote about Root Beer Shelf

Other
"Uhhh...Is it just me, or did you guys hear a voice?"

- Dempsey asking the others about the mysterous voice. (Gersch)

"Is it just me or did anyone else hear a voice?"

- When starting a new game.

"Yeah, yeah. Found the song. Whatever."

- Upon finding the secret song

"I sure hope that was a good idea"

- After completing the final power node.

"Look at the poor, evil doctor all surrounded."

- When Richtofen is surrounded.

"On my way, Doc. Only because I want to shank you myself."

- When Richtofen is down or surrounded.

"Hey Richtofen, speed dating again?"

- When Richtofen is being chased by zombies.

"Who's this guy?"

- After Nikolai's Matryoshka Doll talks to him (possibly because he completely ignores nikolai)

"Is this a doll or an action figure?"

- After a Matryoshka Doll talks to him

Beginning a Match
"Need to get the power on, so all this cool stuff turns on."

- Said at the start of a game.

"First objective: Turn on power. Second objective: Drink. Or vice versa. You know what I choose."

- When starting a game

"Yeah, yeah, I'm almost out of vodka...I mean, No power!"

- When starting a game

"Why is there never any power?"

- When starting a game

Killing a Zombie
"Cheer up! You guys last longer than my marriages!"

- After killing a large group of Zombies

"There are plenty of zombies for everyone, I just happen to be killing them all!"

- After killing multiple zombies.

"I feel like dirty capitalist, stealing all these kills!"

- When getting multiple kills

"The sound of your brain exploding is like music to my ears."

- Getting a headshot

"If only divorce was this easy."

- After killing a zombie with the Death Machine

"They were like dominoes, da?"

- Said after getting multiple headshots.

"Feel the wrath of the Motherland!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Russians only get this close to vodka!"

- When a zombie hits Nikolai

"It's a party, see the confetti?!"

- After getting a headshot or an explosive kill

"Invade my space, I shoot your face!"

- Getting a headshot

Being Hit by a Zombie
"You touch me, I KILL YOU! Sounds like fair trade?"

- Nikolai after killing a zombie that just hit him

"You are a fool for touching Nikolai!"

- After killing a zombie that hit him.

Space Monkey
"So, Takeo DID have love affair with stuffed monkey! Look what they made!"

- Randomly at the start of a Monkey Round.

"Am I drunk, or am I getting attacked by space monkeys?!"

- Nikolai being attacked by a Space Monkey

Downed/Revived
"Oh Crap, I need help! I know, even if it's Takeo!"

- After being downed

"I'm going down!"

- After being downed

"The bear's been hit!"

- After being downed

"I need help!"

- After being downed

"I've fallen and I cant get up!"

- Nikolai being downed. A reference to Life alert.

"(Exhales) About time! I was beginning to sober up!"

- After being revived

"I was getting tired of doing all the killing, so I took a break!"

- After being revived

"You should be thankful I was giving you something to do, other than running away!"

- After being revived

"It took thousands of them to finally take me down!"

- After being revived (A reference to a similar quote in Kino, where he exclaims "You've seen what happened to me, there were thousands!")

"I merely slipped in all the blood I spilled!"

- After being revived

Ammo
"I'll have to use my bare hands... just like with fourth wife. Always talking..."

- When out of ammo.

"These things eventually run out!?"

- When out of ammo.

"FUCK! Out of ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"I don't think throwing my gun at them will be as effective as having ammo.."

- Said when out of ammo.

"My weapon is hungry for ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"I can't wish zombies dead, I need ammo!"

- When out of ammo.

"I give too many of my bullets away!"

- Said when low on ammo.

"Can anyone spare some ammo?"

- When out of ammo.

Buying a Weapon/Door
"They will never hear me coming...*burp*"

- Upon buying an M14 of the wall.

"This I can not wait to use!"

- Said after buying a SMG off the wall.

"I used this to kill a bear once, she was also my first wife."

- Buying a Shotgun off the wall

"I will aim carefully, pull the trigger at just the right time... wait, I am too drunk for this."

- Sometimes said after buying the M14.

"My wife used to wear this between her ears... because of my snoring."

- Upon buying a Sickle off the wall.

"That stripper DID take all my money!... Bitch..."

- Said when trying to open a door without enough points. This is a reference to a Kino Der Toten quote under the same circumstances.

"Shhh... I'm going to kill you.."

- After buying M14. A reference to Elmer Fudd from Looney Toons.

"Wait, so I can't just fire with reckless abandon?!"

- After buying a semi-auto weapon

"""This gun should be free, like in USA,everyone have gun then.""

- Can't buy a gun off the walls

"Such sharpness... like my wit."

- Upon buying a Sickle off the wall.

"Nothing says trouble like a drunk Russian with an MG (laughs)!"

- Said after buying a MG off the wall.

Power Up
"I am so happy I can do the Trepak (starts Singing)"

- Whenever a power up is picked up or when scoring multiple headshots

"My weapon is filled with bullets, my body is filled with vodka. All is good!"

- After getting a Max Ammo.

"They're all dead, good time for drink."

- After the nuke explosion.

"Quick! Everyone make a mad dash for the box!"

- Upon picking up a Fire Sale.

"Let the carnage continue!"

- When getting Max Ammo

Perk-A-Cola
"Now, I am Russian bear!"

- After buying Juggernog.

"Now my reloads are as fast as my wit! (Laughs) You get it?!"

- After buying Speed Cola. (Based on a recent running gag of him following lame jokes with a "Get it?!"

"I do not like this drink, it ruins my buzz."

- After buying Quick Revive.

"This makes good mixer, no?"

- After buying Stamin-Up.

"This stink like Russian bull milk mom used to drink!"

- After buying PhD Flopper.

Pack-A-Punch
"I don't trust Takeo, I think he is up to something. Maybe he has been playing around with the monkey bomb."

- Said while Pack-A-Punching a weapon

"Takeo, he's quiet: that makes me suspicious. (Quieter) And, trust me, he's up to something - like playing with that evil, stuffed monkey, eh?"

- Said while Pack-A-Punching a weapon

"Ugh, I keep forgetting to update my Facebook page!"

- Said during the use of the Pack-a-Punch machine.

"Dempsey: I like him because he is brave, like 3rd wife. He is going to die one day but he will take many with him, like 4th wife."

- Said while using Pack-A-Punch and Dempsey is near by.

"Richtofen, I don't know why he like me so much. Maybe he is trying for a free drink. I don't give free drinks."

- During Pack-a-punch process.

Mystery Box
"One of my ex-wives had a black hole. We're not talking about that!"

- After getting the Gersch Device from the random box.

"I used this to kill my relative. She was my fifth wife!"

- After receiving an assault rifle from the Mystery Box.

"A cute little trinket. Maybe there's vodka inside, eh?"

- When activating the Matyroshka Doll easter egg or receiving one from the Mystery Box

"Great, now I have to hold up both arms!"

- After obtaining CZ75 dual wield.

"What a handsome weapon! Oh, that's my reflection! He he..."

- After getting the Thundergun from the mystery box.

"Ah the Falafel - good for eating AND killing."

- said after receiving the FAL from the Mystery Box.

"Fuck you Teddy Bear!"

- When getting a Teddy Bear.

"There it goes again. If you see my ex-wives, tell them "Screw you!""

- When getting a Teddy Bear.

"I knew I should've spent the money on the vodka instead!"

- When getting a pistol from the box.

"I wonder if zombies can die from laughter..."

- When getting a pistol from the box.

"Now, if only crappiness could kill..."

- When getting a pistol from the box.

Other
"I have sister who used to make these. She's bitch."

- When activating the Matyroshka Doll easter egg or receiving one from the Mystery Box

"A cute little trinket. Maybe there's vodka inside, eh?"

- When activating the Matyroshka Doll easter egg or receiving one from the Mystery Box

"Your eyes are empty, Takeo."

- When his Matryoshka doll is talked to by Takeo.

"I hate you Richtofen."

- When his matryoshka doll is talked to by Richtofen.

"Oh, hi, Dempsey."

- When his matryoshka doll is talked to by Dempsey.

"HEY! You didn't get me a drink!"

- After activating all 5 nodes.

"I will help you, but only if you bring me Vodka!"

- After Gersch speaks

"This fucking gun is amazing!"

-When getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun

Beginning a Match
"I must give light to this dark, dead place."

- Starting a match

"Darkness is the domain of the dead, we must give this place life!"

- Starting a match

"With the switch of the honourable, we´ll breath new life into this place."

- Starting a match

Kassimir Mechanism
"May the light shine in your darkness."

- Completing the first node.

"Poor points of power."

- Completing the second node.

"I am not sure how this is helping you, but I hope that it is."

- Completing the third node.

"Your fate, shall be decided by the honourable."

- Completing the fourth node.

"I will open a portal of honour!"

- Completing the fourth node.

"I am beginning to feel you are stringing us along."

- Completing the fourth node.

"More power! Where do we get more?"

- Completing the fourth node.

"I hope you in turn, free someone else.. who needs it."

- After freeing Gersch.

Gersch Device
"What the..... is this?"

- Getting the Gersch Device

"With this, they stand no chance!"

- Getting the Gersch Device

"This is a... most unnatural weapon."

- Getting the Gersch Device

"Oooh, I don´t like that."

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"Euh... how did I get here?"

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"Oh, that is just not right."

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"Focus, keeps the stomach from going inside out."

- Jumping through the Gersch Device

"What once was, Is no longer!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"Bye Bye, Zombies!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"They will harm, no longer!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"They are send beyond!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

"The abominations are pulled into the void!"

- Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

Killing a Zombie
"Crawlers? I sense a good strategy with these."

- After making a crawler. (Referring to players who often make crawlers)

"Remember my name... TAKEO!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"Oh you wish to die face to face then? So be it!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"That is it? THAT is ALL you have?"

- After knifing a zombie.

"It slices! It dices! It's a wonder!"

- After knifing a zombie with a Sickle. (It is possible that this is a reference to the Slap-Chop commercial.)

"Like the sushi, it's all in the cut!"

- After knifing an enemy with a Sickle. (Not confirmed for knifing with combat knife.)

"Slashing throats!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"Bow down!"

- After knifing a zombie.

"WHAT IS MY NAME?!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Spilling blood, is the only joy I know!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Back to your graves, death pigs!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Take THAT, you soulless creature!"

- After killing a zombie.

"Just like how the universe began, Big Bang!"

- When killing Zombies with the Phd Floppers explosion.

"Grenades? I sense a good strategy with these."

- Killing a couple of zombies with a grenade.

"I don't like that."

- After jumping through the Gersch Device

Nikolai
"The enemy of my enemy...is stinky."

- Commenting about Nikolai.

"Your foul breath, made it´s head explode!"

- Commenting about Nikolai.

"Pathetic, even for a russian."

- Commenting about Nikolai making a crawler.

"Your skills in battle offend my eyes."

- Commenting about Nikolai making a crawler.

"You just can´t get it right, can you Nikolai?"

- Commenting about Nikolai making a crawler.

"Drink less, kill more!"

- Commenting about Nikolai making a crawler.

Richtofen
"Richtofen, your work will become a legend."

- Commenting about Richtofen.

"Doctor, your precision never ceases to amese"

- Commenting about Richtofen.

"I can learn much, from your brutality Edward."

- Commenting about Richtofen.

"Keep it up, Doctor!"

- Commenting about Richtofen.

"Get to the Doctor!"

- Seeing Richtofen is in trouble.

"Hold on Edward, I´m comming!"

- Seeing Richtofen is in trouble.

"You can do it Richtofen!"

- Seeing Richtofen is in trouble.

"Keep it up Richtofen, I am on route!"

- Seeing Richtofen is in trouble.

"It´s not over yet Doctor, keep fighting!"

- Seeing Richtofen is in trouble.

"You made a crawler, congratulations!"

- Seeing Richtofen making a crawler

"It still breathes Edward, finish him!"

- Seeing Richtofen making a crawler

"You knock them down, I clean them up!"

- Seeing Richtofen making a crawler

Being Hit by a Zombie
"Ah! Touch me not, unless YE BE DESTROYED!"

- Upon killing a zombie after being attacked.

Space Monkey
"That doesn't sound good."

- Beginning of the monkey round.

"Ooh, what is coming now?"

- Beginning of the monkey round.

"This better be something GOOD, for once!"

- Beginning of the monkey round.

"Dempsey, you speak these monkeys' language, don't you? TELL THEM TO STOP STEALING MY PERKS!"

- Upon dealing with the Space Monkeys.

"Your thieving days are over!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"These are destroyed, by the weapons of the pure!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"Die, foul creature!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"Begone from this earth!"

- Killing Space Monkeys.

"Stay away from my Speed Cola!"

- When Space Monkeys attack the Speed Cola machine. A possible reference to when Nikolai says "Stay away from my Vodka"

"NO! They steal the Stamin-Up!"

- When Space Monkeys attack the Stamin Up machine.

"They are stealing the Boom Brew!"

- When Space Monkeys attack the PhD Flopper machine.

"They are stealing my Juggernog!"

- When space monkeys are attacking Juggernog.

"They are taking revive!"

- Takeo when the Space Monkeys are stealing Quick Revive.

"Get your hands off me you damn, dirty ape!"

- After killing a monkey that recently attacked him. A reference to Planet of the Apes.

Downed/Revived
"I refuse to accept this fate!"

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"You listen to Takeo, you live longer!"

- After saving another character. A reference to the Indiana Jones character Short-round, who says a similar quote.

"No, not like this!"

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"No, this is not how Takeo will meet his demise!"

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"I dishonoured myself on the ground like this."

- Takeo after being downed by zombies.

"Where is the sweet sushi taste, of a Quick Revive when I need one!?"

- after being downed by zombies. (Only on solo)

"I will repair this dead, on my honour!"

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"I and my anchestors, thank you."

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"You do me a great kindness...my brother in arms."

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"You have ensured your survival, with this act."

- after being saved from the brink of death.

"Urgh... Domo."

- after being saved from the brink of death. (Domo roughly meaning "thank you" in Japanese)

Ammo
"No ammo, no problem!"

- when out of ammo

"Zero ammo, double the honor!"

- Takeo with no ammo.

"No ammo, or new weapon? Decisions...decisions..."

- Takeo commenting about players often needing to choose between no ammo, or buying a new gun.

"Confucius say, get more bullets dammit!"

- Takeo breaking the fourth wall.

"No ammo, no weapons... now the real fight begins!"

- Takeo with both weapons out of ammo.

Buying a Weapon/Door
"War demons, Is just a shot away!"

- Getting a sniper. (Reference to Gimme Shelter)

"I must destroy more undead for this gift."

- Trying to open a door/buy a weapon without the minimum required points.

"A Skill-less, yet powerful weapon!"

- Buying the Olympia.

"A most interesting weapon."

- Buying the MP5K.

"I will cut them down... one limb at a time!"

- Buying the Stakeout.

Power Up
"Fortune and glory, Fortune AND GLORY!"

- Getting a nuke.

"And THAT was for my master!"

- Getting a powerup.

"The strength of my Ancestors powers me!"

- Getting a Max Ammo.

Perk-A-Cola
"Like a kamikaze on a hot day!"

- After buying Boom Juice (cut)

"I take this was rotten"

- After buying PhD Flopper (cut)

"Double-tapping my R.O.F"

- After buying Double Tapp. (cut)

"A taste that reminds me of home."

- After buying Quick Revive.

"Juggernog is fuel for honor!"

- After buying Juggernog.

"That would go well with Revive soda."

- After buying Stamin-up

"This...makes my eyes water."

- After buying PhD Flopper.

Pack-A-Punch
"I think Dempsey is like a ghost, he wakes up everyday. I don't think he remembers anything from before."

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish.

"Nikolai's presence brings me dishonour. He tries to drown the past. It will consume him one day."

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish.

"Richtofen, his evil is great. But not as great as what we fight today. One day, when the time is right I will make him pay for what he has done!"

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish.

"Hurry up, time is a luxury here!"

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish. (Possible reference about the danger getting overwhelmed in the same room.)

"No more Mr. Nice Samurai!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"It has changed for the better!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"I love it when you Pack my gun with Punch."

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"My weapon, has been blessed by the gods!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"Just when I thought, It couldn't get any better!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"Like a butterfly bursting force from it's cocoon."

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"It is truly wonderous to be hold!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"No more Mr. Nice Samurai!"

- Upon getting his upgraded weapon.

"Pack-A-Punch, work your Black Magic!"

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to be finish

"More Yin for the Yang!"

- While waiting for Pack-A-Punch to finish.

Mystery Box
"You dare laugh at Takeo!?"

- After getting a Teddy Bear instead of a weapon.

"Still this box mocks me, with its fickle ways!"

- Trying to buy the box, without the required 950 points. (Also replying to his comment in Kino der Toten.)

"One hundred twenty rounds per second. More then enough!"

- Getting the Spectre from the box.

"Double Fists of Fury!"

- Getting a double pistol.

"This is what my dreams are made of."

- Getting the Crossbow out of the box.

"I´d rather go into battle, with no arm!"

- Getting a crappy weapon out of the box.

"It´s lack of honour, knows no bounds!"

- Getting a crappy weapon out of the box.

"This box I trust no longer!"

- Getting a crappy weapon out of the box.

Other
"Who are you?"

- Replying to Gersch at the start of a match

"I'm coming Edward!"

- When Richtofen is being swarmed

"Keep fighting Doctor, I'll come save you!"

- When Richtofen is being swarmed.

"I see you take great pleasure in your work, Doctor!"

- After witnessing Richtofen get multiple kills

"Uhh, I feel funny."

- After jumping through the Gersch Device

"One becomes two becomes three becomes...Death!"

- When talking to a Matryoshka doll.

"How many surprises do you hide, little one?"

- When talking to a Matryoshka doll.

"For the emperor!"

- Takeo's Matryoshka Doll talking to Takeo.

"Good day, Doctor!"

- Takeo's Matryoshka Doll talking to Richtofen.

"You ugly American!"

- Takeo's Matryoshka Doll talking to Dempsey.

"A toy that even I can play with!"

- Takeo talking to Matryoshka Dolls.

Beginning a Match
"Why is there no power? Where did all the color go? (short pause) Who am I talking to?"

- When starting a new game.

"If given enough time I could create a generator from spare parts- why is it black and white now?"

- Starting a game

"Dempsey must be the one turning off the power... he probably stole all the color too."

- When starting a new game

"Who keeps turning off the power wherever we go? And now taken the color? WHO IS DOING THIS!?"

- After starting a match

"I think that mad Dempsey stole all the color, and HE keeps turning off the power. Oh I hate you Dempsey."

- After starting a match

Killing a Zombie
"It's like mowing a lawn of flesh, ja..."

- After killing multiple zombies

"Die you demon!"

- After killing a zombie

"Hahahahahahaha! DIE!!"

- After killing multiple zombies

"The insides of your head are delicious!"

- After getting a headshot

"They are so small now, I can put them in my pocket."

- Said when he blows up a zombie.

"Why do the voices sound so ANGRY?"

- Getting multiple kills

"The screams of the dead fills my heart with joy!"

- Getting multiple kills.

"BOOM...Goes the corpses."

- Getting multiple grenade kills. Said to the melody of 'Pop goes the Weasel'

"Tiny pieces.....in the wine!"

- Said with any explosive kill, reference to the song Tiny Bubbles released in the 60s/70s

"DON'T LOOK DO- oh, too late."

- Said with a Thundergun kill

"The power! ...Oh look, they all fall down."

- Said with a Thundergun kill

"Oh, that must hurt so good."

- Said with a Thundergun kill

"Fly... Fly Children! FLY!"

- Said with a Thundergun kill

"Now you could fit into a gumball machine... and I could have a piece of you for a quarter. WHO HAS A QUARTER!? Dempsey???"

- After blowing up a zombie.

"Gather around, gather around... it's story time, my children..."

- After getting a headshot.

Being Hit by a Zombie
"Again,the doctor is victorious!"

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"That bounce off me and sticks to you! (Laughs) Oh, sticks to you..."

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"NEIN! My turn!"

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"I do the dissections around here!"

- Killing a zombie that hurt the player

"Get off my shoe schwein! (Laughs) Shoe schwein."

- Being hit by a Crawler.

Space Monkey
"Thee dirty monkeys are taking my juggernog!"

- When the monkeys are attacking the Juggernog machine.

"Next Time they should take first class."

- At the start of a monkey round.

"At least it isn't throwing shit."

- After being attacked by a Space Monkey.

"MEIN FOOT!"

- After a Space Monkey hits his foot.

"I believe they are trying to commu- oh, no they're throwing shit."

- Getting hit by a monkey

Downed/Revived
"We shall commence with the killing."

- After Richtofen is revived

"I'm not dead! ...Not yet."

- After being revived. Possible reference to the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" "Step away, the doctor is here."

- After being revived.

Ammo
"This weapon is empty!"

- When running out of ammo

"Nein, nein, NEIN! I need more ammo!"

- When running out of ammo

"Now, to find some ammo!"

- When running out of ammo

"Without proper ammo, I cannot give them proper death!"

- When running out of ammo

"The ammo is low!"

- When low on ammo

"Dempsey! did you steal my ammo?"

- When having no ammo.

Buying a Weapon/Door
"Oh, the inflation is killing me!"

- When trying to open a door without enough points, a reference to the hyperinflation that occurred in the Weimar Republic (post WWI Germany)

"Eenie meenie miney SHOTGUN!"

- Said when receiving a shotgun from the Mystery Box Or buying one off the wall

"Now to strike them in their SPINE!"

- Said when buying a M14 off the wall

Power Up
"Oh ze little demons go boom!"

- Upon getting a nuke.

"Double the points, double the death, double the fun"

- After receiving a Double Points power-up

"Well, this place did need a remodel."

- After getting Carpenter.

Perk-A-Cola
"BLAH! Get's me every time..."

- After buying Revive Soda.

"(said very fast) This drink is my favorite, I cannot express how much I enjoy it's infinite taste and exceptional finish."

- After buying Speed Cola

"It has "Doctor" in the title. Just like me!"

- Upon purchasing PhD Flopper, a joke on the popular soda Dr. Pepper.

"Ah good, I was getting parched."

- After buying Juggernog.

"With this The Doctor can go for a very long time!.. Am I turning you on?"

- After buying Stamin-Up

Pack-A-Punch
"The doctor is in!"

- After Pack-A-Punching a weapon

Mystery Box
"Oh ja, this will work nicely."

- Getting a SMG from the Mystery Box

"Why is there no Ricthofen device?"

- Getting a Gersch device from the Mystery Box

"Eenie meenie miney SHOTGUN!"

- Said when receiving a shotgun from the Mystery Box, or buying one off the wall

"Box... we talked about this."

- Said when receiving a pistol from the Mystery Box(Possible reference to Kino Der Toten when the box dissapears)

"I used to crush these when I was a child to hear my sister cry in anguish."

- Said when interacting with a Matryoshka Doll.

"Mother told me never to play with dolls - now... they are MINE!!"

- When getting the Matryoshka Dolls

"The Gersch Device!"

- After receiving the Gersch Device from the Mystery Box

Other
"Nein, my turn!"

- When knifing a zombie.

"The voices usually sound so angry!"

- After hearing the voice talking at the start of a game.

"I do like the sound of this one... It tickles my special place."

- Said upon activating the musical easter egg

"It rubs the lotion on the doll, it does this every time... Or else it gets the hose again."

- When interacting with a Matryoshka doll. A reference to the movie "Silence of the Lambs".

"I see one, two, thr-- oh shit."

- When being targeted by large group of zombies.

"Oh, there's a doll inside a doll inside a doll! Sounds so perverse!"

- Upon interacting with a Matryoshka Doll.

"Ach, don't breath on me!"

- When his Matryoshka doll talks to Nikolai Belinski.

"Ha ha ha! Stop tickling me!"

- When talking to his own Matryoshka doll.

"Oh hi Takeo!"

- When his Matryoshka doll talks to Takeo Masaki.

"Big Dempsey you're SOOO BIIIG!"

- When his Matryoshka doll talks to Tank Dempsey.

"Maybe we should help this... thing."

- When the generator is sucked into the Gersch Device.

"This Kassimir Mechanism sounds intriguing!"

- When node one of the Kassimir Mechanism is completed.

"Ahhhh, this is just too much fun!"

- When node two of the Kassimir Mechanism is completed

"You've already have this much power and you've want more?!? ... I like the way you think."

- Upon using the Gersch Device near the Kassimir Mechanism when all the nodes are active. The Russian scientist will say that there is still not enough power on which Richtofen would comment.

"Fascinating! A dimensional rift! Goodbye Gersch! It would have been good to know you!"

- Richtofen when Gersch is released

Gersch
"Please.. Help me.. She's coming! The mechanism must be repaired."

- Said at start of game.

"You've done it! Now, it needs as much power as possible. Hurry, she's getting nearer!"

- Said after generator is sucked into Gersch Device.

"Three more! No, stop it!"

- After activating Node 1 in the Kassimir Mechanism.

"It needs to be more concentrated power for this to work!"

- After activating Node 2 in the Kassimir Mechanism.

"Yes, YES! Almost there! Hurry! She's coming! LUNA!!"

- After activating Node 3 in the Kassimir Mechanism.

"Ah yes, I'm free! I cannot thank you enough for releasing me from this horrible place."

- After completing the Kassimir Mechanism.

Tank
"Your breath smells like death!"

- When Nikolai activates Tank's Doll

"Hey hey what up Tak?"

- When Takeo activates Tank's Doll, a pun of Bugs Bunny's catch phrase "What's up, Doc?"

"You suck Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen activates Tank's Doll

"Hey good looking!"

- When Tank activates his own doll

Nikolai
"Oh... hi Dempsey!"

- When Tank activates Nikolai's doll.

"I hate you Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen activates Nikolai's doll.

"Your eyes are empty Takeo!"

- When Takeo activates Nikolai's doll.

"Hey... you look like my sister!"

- When Nikolai activates his own doll.

Takeo
"You ugly American!"

- When Tank activates Takeo's Doll

"Good day doctor!"

- When Richtofen activates Takeo's Doll

"I will not work for you!"

- When Nikolai activates Takeo's Doll

"For the emperor!"

- When Takeo activates his own doll

Richtofen
"Big Dempsey is SO BIG~"

- When Tank activates Richtofen's Doll

"Ack... don't breathe on me."

- When Nikolai activates Richtofen's Doll

"Oh... hi Takeo!"

- When Takeo activates Richtofen's Doll

"Hehe... stop tickling me!"

- When Richtofen activates his own doll