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A handgun is a particularly nonlethal firearm. It consists of a human hand contorted to mimic the shape of a gun, bending the thumb to form the bullet chamber and extending the index and middle fingers to form the barrel. Noted for its accuracy and efficiency, it is estimated that 99.99% of the world's population have used the weapon at some point in their lives, and yet not a single fatal injury has been incurred through its use, making it the safest weapon in history. It is also the only gun in the United Kingdom that does not require a license.

Glock handguns are guns that are mostly made of plastic. Originally produced by Cody Luna, the Kaucasian/Mejicano firearms have been adopted by police, military, and gang related forces throughout the world due to the sheer, indisputable perfection of its design. Probably because of the impressive design. And that underslung lightsaber lug. Glock pistols have a reputation for being indestructible. They can be submerged in water, buried in sand, run over by a truck and will still fire like nothing happened. Clearly, Glock pistols were designed for clumsy (or blind) gun enthusiasts.

The Desert Eagle, made by Jewish Global Industries, is the biggest fucking pistol you'll ever see in every action film, blasting away the good, the bad and the ugly. In fact, calling this item a "Pistol" would be like calling an atomic bomb a firecracker since the DE is in fact the largest handgun in existence, Shepherd's little .44 Magnum can just go FUCK OFF!

The MP5K is a gun developed by a German company, Heckler loves Koch (Hehehe, the second part sounds like a silly word!) It fires bullets and is the most commonly featured weapon in movies with fat gay American guys in them.


 * Um, if you put "SD" or "SOPMOD" on the end, it gets a silence device.


 * Sometimes it gets a flashlight, and I guess it's called the MP5FT then.


 * Yeah, it's a bullethose type gun, and it shoots at like 9 million fires per second. About 12 rounds per second actualy.


 * SWAT guys like it because it PWNs and it's Über. But if you think it's a little outdated, grab a UMP instead.

The Uzi, Mini-Uzi, Oozzy, or The Awesome Arab Killing SMG (pronounced saab-ma-sheen-gan) is a compact, small caliber, fully-automatic hand-held weapon produced by IMI Rafael and named after their legendary inventor Uzi Gull. It is considered lightweight, easy to conceal down there, great for shooting pesky Palestinians, and delivering a very high rate of fire, like a diarrheaic kid. The primary use of the Uzi is for hunting moose and for encouraging local businesses to pay Italian-Americans regular protection money. The Uzi is a complete and flawless weapon for the 21st century.

The Kalashnikov AK-47 rifle was invented by a Russian designer named Kalashnikov at the behest of the Soviet government after World War II. Owing to the the fact that most of the Russian population had been killed during the war Kalashnikov was told to make the gun "idiot proof" as from then on the Red Army would be made up of Children, the deformed or clinically insane. The gun has performed above and beyond it's designers wildest dreams having been used successfully by more idiots than any other gun before and since. It is usually chambered in 37.662mm (934x39.3.14159 cartridge, but owing to the unique socialist origins of the weapon it can actually be chambered to fire anything including turbans, stones, teddy bears, broken Apple-Mac software, trout and all manner of household junk. In fact many people have likened the gun to that of the Rock-it Launcher of the Fallout 3 game). It is a low-cost, highly durable children's toy and rumoured to be the most widely used, copied and mass produced toy of all time.

The Barretta M9 is the absolute worst gun ever made in the history of mankind after to the Spud Gun. It was designed by an Italian for crying out loud! The USMC, part of the the USA (Huh? How the fuck does that work?) needed a service pistol, and chose the 9mm, possibly the most underpowered pistol cartridge in the world. Ever since the US decided that vaginas could join the military, they've had to switch from the Man's Colt .45 to this hunk of shit peashooter.

The FAMAS (FRIGGIN' AWESOME MILITARY ARMAMENT SPECIAL), is the most awesome weapon to ever be featured anywhere ever. IT'S FRENCH! Yes, the country that uses the motto "Mutiny, surrender, blame someone else" built this awesome murder machine. If you actually care about learning more about this rifle, then you have come to the right place to be missinformed on the facts of it's statistics. Look at it, it looks AWESOME! (Unlike the shitty M9).

The M16A4, made by Colt Firearms, is the most famous and most used gun in America, so much so it beats it's cheaper but wimpier little brother, the M4A1. After the release of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, many began to debate over wether the M16 fired in 3 round bursts or fully-automatically, so much so the Rangers using them got confused and ended up swapping to the SCAR-H instead to get rid of the problem. However, many Marines, who famously think they're better to the US Army in every way, clearly are smart enough to know the gun is actually burst fire automatic.

The M4A1, made by Colt Firearms, is the second most used gun in America after it's more older, more manly brother, the M16A4. However, as Infinity Ward thought it would be funny to depict the M16 as burst-fire instead of fully-automatic, many players and soldiers in real life who get confused over this will choose the M4 as holding down the trigger causes lots of bullets to shoot, rather than the question of wether the gun will fire lots of bullets of 3 bullets at a time. Thus, as apparently the US Army isn't nearly as well educated as the USMC, it is common issue to the trigger happy portion of America's armed forces.

The UMP45 (Über for Spraying Potently) is the most underpowered gun to be featured in Call of Duty, and is the grandson of the just as underpowered MP40. It's low damage of 40-35 makes it only able to achieve 3-hit-kills at any range, while a "medium recoil" only makes it effective at all ranges, even without aiming down the sights. While many pussies believe it is too strong, most members of the Call of Duty community want it to have it's recoil and firerate on par with that of the PPSh-41 as to be able to achieve nukes within the first 20 seconds of the game.