User blog:FireBird-/A confession.

Everyone, i have something to say. I kindly ask you to read everything before commenting. First of all, i wanna make it clear how much you guys mean to me. I never felt so accepted in any online community, of all the ones i have joined. At first, when i met the Call of Duty Wiki, i thought the same would happen as in other communities. I'd be left in a corner, a user without any good eyes turned to me. I never knew i was going to be active here for that long, afraid of rejection, as always. Not because i'm a bad person(i probably am, as i'll explain bellow), but because people in other online communities say that i'm a smartass/sensitive person/weirdo, i almost always get trolled. CoD Wiki is different, and i didn't know it.

Saying that i was a boy to avoid spam was not the pest plan. So, i tried to get some attention. Yeah, i am NOT a woman. I pretended to be one to see what happens. It started low, with a joke. As i got even more hooked to this Wiki and the community, i was diving deeper and deeper into my own lies. I was too cowardly to step back and tell the truth, afraid of being rejected/trolled again. So i had to go on, as a female.

It didn't work very well. I feel that you guys liked me because of the person i am...

I based Sarah on my sister(i really love her), but Sarah's personality was mine. I AM the person you guys are used to talk with, but in a girl's "body". Every single thing i said about me(except the ones i needed to keep my disguise) was true. I think i lied too much to you guys, and you don't deserve it.

Yesterday i was reflecting about the wrong things i was doing. I asked myself: what Jesus would do in my place? Keep a lie forever and hurt myself everyday? Lie to the people i love...? At that moment, i cried a little bit. I realized that i couldn't stand those lies anymore. I can't belive i did that to my friends, wonderful people that should only get the best from me.

Every day was a pain. The moments i felt happy were not happier when i told you people about them, because just by talking i was lying.

You guys are awesome. I beg your pardon, i'm really sorry for that... I regret everything i ever said about myself in this wiki. I feel like garbage right now, but i know i'm surrounded by good people. You guys like me, i know it... but i don't deserve such love. Sarah had my personality. I'm a sensitive guy, some times childish(in a good way) and happy almost all the time. I hope you keep that in mind IF i get back to this wiki.

I'm giving me some time. I'm ashamed of myself, really badly. I might not be active for a day, maybe some or forever(probably not, i love you guys...). I don't care if i get blocked or lose my chatmod rights for this. Everything i want is your pardon.

I'm sorry, i had to say that. You guys are way more mature than the other communities, that's why i'm confessing, i don't need to be other person. I know i lost a lot of respect from many of you, that's why i'm leaving for a while.

Thanks for everything, I hope you understand.