Moon/Quotes

This is the list of the characters' quotes from the Zombies map Moon.

Entering Area 51
"Ugh. Why did Richtofen bring us here?"

- Start of game

"Why they call this place Paradise Ranch is beyond me. Desert sucks."

- Start of a game

"Home sweet home."

- Upon entering the Receiving Area.

"Nevada. Where the men are men and the sheep are nervous."

- Upon entering the Receiving Area.

"Hey, check it out, I think power is on already. Awesome!"

- Start of game

Entering Griffin Space Station
"I've always wanted to be a space marine! Oorah!"

- When entering Griffin Space Station.

"There's a universe full of titty bars and we end up here."

- When entering the moon.

"Where the hell are we?"

- When entering The Griffin Space Station.

"The Moon? Seriously? Wow."

- When entering The Griffin Space Station.

Zombies
"I can't believe I'm getting paid to have this much fun!"

- When getting a kill

"Ya know, you'd think the word would get around that Dempsey is a badass!"

- When getting a kill

"No dice, gutter-slugs."

- When getting a knife kill

"What a rush."

- When getting multiple kills

"No hugs buttercup."

- When getting a knife kill

"EAT IT!"

- When getting a knife kill

"Eat shit and puke!"

- When getting an explosive kill

"Eat it and love me gas-hag."

- When killing a crawler

"That. Never. Gets. Old. Booyah!"

- When getting an explosive kill

"Blackjack freaksacks. You lose."

- When killing a zombie

"Not a chance fleshsore."

- After killing zombie that hit him.

"Congratulations freakbags, you've found the ass-kicking line."

- When swarmed

"Not a chance in hell, cupcake."

- When getting a kill.

"Try new 'Lobe Be-Gone'. Available at the end of my gun."

- After getting a headshot

"Sorry freakbags, I'm all out of bubblegum!!"

- After getting multiple headshots, reference to Duke Nukem

Downed/Hit/Revived
"That wouldn't happen if you guys didn't SUCK!"

- Upon being revived.

"Thanks... next time, PAY ATTENTION!"

- Upon being revived.

"I'm gonna make them wish their mom was here..."

- Upon being revived.

"You see how lucky they got?"

- Upon being revived.

No Air
"Must... hold... breath... Quit... talking."

- When P.E.S is off in airless environment

"Can't... breathe."

- When P.E.S. is off when air is not on

"Lungs... giving... out."

- When taking the P.E.S. off in space

"This... really... SUCKS."

- When taking the P.E.S. off in space

P.E.S.
"Nice. I won't have to smell Nikolai anymore."

- When equipping the P.E.S.

"This'll help."

- When equipping the P.E.S.

"Alright, fresh air!"

- When equipping the P.E.S

"Time to get it on!"

- When equipping the P.E.S.

"Ah, won't have to smell Richtofen's ass breath anymore."

- When equipping the P.E.S

Easter Egg
"Well fuck you too!"

- Said upon making a wrong guess during the 'Samantha Says' step.

"I don't wanna press your buttons anyway..."

- Said when approaching the four active buttons in the laboratory.

"Right. Are we done yet?"

- Said upon hacking the fourth green terminal.

"Hey. This is kinda fun!"

- Said upon moving the black egg.

"A little like golf, only without a club and no golf ball. Other than that, it's exactly the same."

- Said upon moving the black egg.

"Take that, egg!"

- Said upon moving the black egg.

"Can't move this thing till we get that door open. Anyone else getting pissed off about the hoops we're jumping through? Or is it just me?"

- Said when the black egg gets stuck at a door

"Don't know what that does but, okay."

- Said when the black egg reaches the M.T.D

"Woah! Did you see that flash?! It's powering the machine!"

- Said the first glass jar starts to fill up

"It's full. Now what?"

- Said upon completely filling the first glass jar.

"Hey! The egg came back out!"

- Said when Richtofen and Samantha swap bodies.

"Oh hell... I hope we didn't screw that up..."

- Said when the three missiles make contact with Earth.

"Uh, that's it? Seriously? All that work and all we did was blow up the Earth? What the fuck..."

- Upon completion of Richtofen's Grand Scheme

Weapons
"Look at this... shiny."

- After receiving the Bowie Knife

"I wonder if anyone would design a fully automatic sniper rifle, would kinda defeat the purpose, but heh... sure would be cool."

- Upon getting a sniper rifle.

"Alright. I get to be a sniper for once."

- When getting a sniper rifle.

"I'll fill 'em with so many holes, they'll belong in church!"

- When buying a machine gun off the walls.

"I'm gonna buy one of these for my five year old when she's older."

- When getting the M16.

Pack-a-Punch
"I wish there were another Pack-a-Punch machine that could put this Pack-a-Punch machine in to make it go faster!"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"Oh for crying out loud, why is this so slow?"

- When waiting for Pack-a-Punch

Interactive
"'Ere we go!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot

"Yo, Tak, keep that up man!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot

"Nicely done, Tak!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot

"Hey Tak, your people would be pleased to know a warrior of your stature comes from their blood. Heh, well, little out of character, don'tcha think?"

- When Takeo gets a headshot

"If only the rest of these guys could shoot like that!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot

"No dice, zombitch! You lose!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot

"I ain't a good jumper anyways so why am I jumping so funny?"

- When jumping in a low-gravity area

No Ammo
"Okay. No ammo sucks in a shooter, don't ya' think?"

- When out of ammo

"Need to round up some rounds."

- When low on ammo

"Need the juice!"

- When out of ammo

Power-Up
"Everyone's favorite!"

- When getting Max Ammo

"Why would they put fire on sale?"

- When getting a Fire Sale

Perk-a-Cola
"I wonder if this makes you faster or just makes everything else slow down."

- When buying Speed Cola

"I like the "Beer" part, but I wonder who's "Root" it came from."

- When buying Double Tap Root Beer

"Hey baby! Nice jugs, good nog, fun times."

- After buying Juggernog

"Ahh finally, a cold cerveza. Tastes like a freaking import, but it'll do."

- After buying Mule Kick. ("cerveza" means "beer" in Spanish)

"Ack. Chewing ain't something I like to do in my beverages."

- After buying PhD Flopper.

"Headshot help? Whatever."

- After buying Deadshot Daiquiri.

"Ugh. *vomits* This stuff tastes even worse than out the other way."

- After buying Quick Revive.

"*groans* Sour."

- After buying Stamin-Up.

Utilities
"Suddenly I feel like I'm in a really bad movie. I mean really bad."

- When using gravity lift

"Bounce and shoot. Bounce and shoot. I'm liking it."

- When using gravity lift

"Boing!"

- When using gravity lift

"WHEEE!"

- When using the gravity lift

"This is aaawsoooome!"

- When using the gravity lift

"You'd never think you see a flying Tank!"

- When using the gravity lift

Area 51
"Something is different. Bells ringing, alarms sounding... Call it a hunch, but I think there may be zombies near."

- Spawning in Area 51

"This place is too loud. Maybe if I plug my ears and hum song. dadadadadaDA dadadadadaDA dadadadashleydalow! Fuck."

- Spawning in Area 51

"Shit. Sounds like all hell is breaking loose here. We must get out quick."

- Spawning in Area 51

Upon Reaching the Moon
"Ah, a moon base! The perfect place for my favorite hobby, hitting random buttons without any caution what-so-ever!"

- Upon teleporting to the Moon

"Yes! Finally, I've made it to the Moon! You were wrong fourth wife! YOU WERE WRONG!"

- Upon teleporting to the Moon

"Uh...We are on... the Moon. Really at this point, even going to the Moon is not a surprise."

- Upon teleporting to the Moon

"This Moon base is pretty cool, but how did zombies get up here?"

- Upon teleporting to the Moon

No Air
"If this... is end... of Nikolai... must have one... last shot of... vodka."

- When taking off P.E.S.

"Must... get air... but low gravity... so much fun... decisions, decisions."

- When taking off P.E.S.

"Its really hard... to breath out here... in space... anyone else find that... weird?"

- When taking off P.E.S.

"Must... hold... breath. *long pause* That was hard."

- When taking off P.E.S.

"*singing* do do...suffocating on the moon...zombies disappear into the gloom..."

- When taking of P.E.S

Zombie
"Take THAT, you legless hellpig!"

- After killing a crawler

"Pull down the trigger, zombies die, simple enough."

- After obtaining a machine gun

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAH!"

- After stabbing a zombie

"1! 2! 3! 4! 5! I can't be stopped!"

- When on a killing streak(a reference to The Count on the toddler's show, Seseme Street).

"Ouch! Little Nikolai, are you hurt? (In high pitched voice) No Papa!"

- Nikolai, after being hit by a crawler.

"Want a sip of Vodka? Oh, you can't, you're dead!"

- Getting a kill

"DID NOT I SAY HANDS OFF ZOMBIE?"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him

"Why did you have to hit me?! I called time out!"

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him

"Remember, close your mouth when it expl- *gags* Oh, shit. Taste like zombie! Ugh."

- After getting an explosive kill. A reference to his quote in Shangri-La.

"OUCH! That really hurt, zombie! I think I may bruise..."

- After killing a zombie that recently hit him

Power-Up
"Now I can go home and tell seventh wife I make double points! ...And about new girlfriend."

- When receiving a double points powerup.

"Great... Now I can make double of whatever the hell these points are..."

- When receiving a double points powerup.

Weapon
"Small and powerful, like sixth wife! Hmmm... Nah. They were all big. They could plow me..."

- When buying an SMG

"I can carry this one-handed! Guess what will be in the other? Little Nikolai..."

- When buying an SMG

"The Gersch Device! Should have called it the big let-down device! He, am I right?"

- After getting the Gersch Device from the mystery box

"This thing sucks harder than sixth wife!"

- After getting the Gersch Device from the mystery box

"Now I have got two black hole bombs, the other one is my ass!"

- After getting the Gersch Device from the mystery box

"Outta Ammo! Maybe if I walk around like a zombie they will ignore me? GRRRRRR......"

- When out of ammo

"Yay! This bomb-y thingy did something nice for Nikolai!"

- After killing a zombie with the QED

"Son of bitch! I thought this thing was supposed to help me!"

- When the QED gives the player a "curse"

"Well looks like I am about to die..... Click Click"

- When out of ammo

"This sucks harder than sixth wife!"

- After deploying a Gersch Device

"Oh no I hate the clicky click sound!"

- When out of ammo

"Oh great, almost out of ammo, I hate having to wait for that green floating-thingy!"

- Upon running out of ammo. (A reference to the Max Ammo Power-Up.

"I would 360 noscope all you zombies, but I would get dizzy. Someone else do it."

- After getting a Sniper Rifle.

"I think this is what Dempsey calls his Boom Dick! Is the right? Guys?"

- Nikolai, after buy a Stakeout off the wall. A reference to Dempsey frequently calling shotguns a "Boom stick."

"Ohh, low on ammo. Think, Nikolai, think. Okay, I got it. HELP! I NEED MORE AMMO!"

- When low on ammo.

"Okay, someone give me their gun, and you can have my gun, which has full ammo, I swear."

- When out of ammo.

"Shit no bullets. Time for drink. Maybe that will fix it."

- When out of ammo

"Wouldn't it be nice if ammo regenerated. A Russian can dream can't he."

- When out of ammo

"I think this big weapon makes me look sexy. Sexy, Russian Nikolai..."

- Upon receiving certain weapons from the Mystery Box or the M16.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna go get a great weapon from the b- OH FUCK!"

- When someone else gets a teddy bear from the box.

"You would think I'd be used to it but that box pisses me off."

- When getting a teddy bear from the mystery box.

"Hey guys, the box disappeared. What are we going to do."

- When getting a teddy bear from the box

"Seriously, couldn't it say bye bye a little nicer like this. (Softly) Bye bye. See, I like that way."

- When getting a teddy bear from the box

"Great, not like I've been saving up for anything (angrily) BOX."

- When getting a teddy bear from the box

Perk-A-Cola
"I have just about had it with this fish juice."

- After buying Quick Revive.

"I feel like little boy again...And get a beating from dad."

- After buying Juggernog.

"Hahaha! I like this drink."

- After buying Mule Kick.

"Mmm. Spicy. Add some vodka, maple, celery... Now it is a drink!"

- After buying Speed Cola.

"It must be fun to watch this fat Russian run."

- After buying Stamin-Up.

"Now I'll run out of ammo twice as fast. Is this a good thing?"

- After buying Double Tap Root Beer.

"Now I can aim and be drunk at the same time! Perfection!"

- After buying Deadshot Daiquiri.

"Whoa, thick. Little bit of vodka should fix that right up."

- After buying PhD Flopper.

Easter Egg
"Oh goody! A new thingy to figure out!"

- When approaching the four buttons in the laboratories

"Too much blinky blinky, not enough drinky drinky..."

- After hacking all four green terminals

"The egg is stuck here. Let's have a drink!"

- When the black egg gets stuck at a door

"It is filling up!"

- When the first glass jar is half-full

"It is overflowing with energy! This is good thing, right?"

- When the first glass jar is full

Random
"That brings smile to my face!"

- After killing an Astronaut Zombie

"Space Nikolai leaps across the Moon!"

- Randomly when jumping.

"Look! I am space man cosmonaut."

- Randomly when jumping.

"Now that I've flipped this grimy switch, in an otherwise technologically advanced moon station, the power is on. Who designed this stupid place?"

- After turning on the power. Could be a reference to the Power Swtich being re-used since the second map.

Area 51
"What is this new madness?"

- After starting the game.

"Great Scott! This is a new way to start."

- After starting the game.

"Okay, for first time in ages, Takeo is surprised."

- After starting the game

"So, they want to shake things up a bit? Takeo is game."

- After starting the game

"Okay... I get it... We are not supposed to be here...."

- After starting the game

Moon Base
"This place has "Richtofen" written all-over it. Not literally. That was the last place"

- After teleporting to the Moon. Referencing Richtofen's name being carved upon the altar in Shangri-La.

"Ugh, I need a vacation, someplace uhh nice, like Fiji."

- After teleporting to the Moon

"Ow, the Moon. How predictable."

- After teleporting to the Moon

"And NOW we must turn on the power..."

- After teleporting to the Moon

"We must stop the machine, before it's too late!"

- After hearing the Excavator Breach Alarm

"What new Devilsh Challenge is this?"

- After hearing the Escavator Breach Alarm

No Air
"Takeo....can...hold..his..breath.....indefinitely."

- When not wearing the P.E.S. in an airless room

"*gasping for air*"

- When not wearing the P.E.S. in an airless room

"Running...short...on...breath."

- When not wearing the P.E.S. in an airless room

"Takeo...needs...air...badly."

- When not wearing the P.E.S. in an airless room

"Have to...find...*gasp* mask."

- When not wearing the P.E.S. in an airless room

P.E.S.
"Not the ancestral faceplates of my forefathers, but it has purpose."

- When equipping the P.E.S.

"Uncomfortable, but necessary."

- When equipping the P.E.S.

"How do you put this on? Oh, I see."

- When equipping the P.E.S.

"One must breathe to fight."

- When equipping the P.E.S.

"Takeo does not like being confined."

- When equipping the P.E.S.

Weapons
"Good things, come with MG's."

- When getting an MG

"I would smile.... If I knew how."

- When getting an SMG

"Bah, I've had better."

- When getting an SMG

"Look Ma, No Hands!"

- Receiving Dual CZ75 Pistols from the Box

Pack-A-Punch
"Oh Nikki, still drinking. I feel so sorry for him."

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch

"Hmm, Dempsey. Too much empty space between his ears, but there is still hope."

- Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch

"Does this mean we have won the Moon race?"

- Waiting for the Pack-a-Punch (Reference to the Ascension Achievement/Trophy "Space Race"

Interactive
"Impressive, Richtofen. Most impressive."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot (an obvious reference to Darth Vader from Star Wars)

"Your skills are bested only by I, Takeo."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot

"I never tire of watching you work, my friend."

- When Richtofen gets a headshot

"You are most certainly a surgeon of the highest order, doctor!"

- When Richtofen gets a headshot

"We have come too far for you to fall. Fight, Edward, fight!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed

"Doctor, watch your six!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed

"You can do it Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed

"Hold them just a second more, Edward!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed

"Reap the dead, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen is swarmed

"Always playing, aren't you Edward?"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler

"You are a pleasure to watch work, my doctor friend."

- When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Now I see why you became a surgeon, Richtofen."

- When Richtofen makes a crawler

"I am surprised you are not dancing too, Edward."

- When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Give those zombies the old what-for, Richtofen!"

- When Richtofen makes a crawler

"Luck does not begin to describe what you've done."

- When Nikolai gets a headshot

"All this time, and still I want to belittle your success."

- When Nikolai gets a headshot

"How many places have we been, and still you are drunk!"

- When Nikolai gets a headshot

"I see your headshot, and I raise you three."

- When Nikolai gets a headshot

"You almost inspire me to drinking, Nikki."

- When Nikolai gets a headshot

"Just lay down and die already, Nikolai!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed

"Keep drinking, and they'll probably go away, Nikolai."

- When Nikolai is swarmed

"Nikki, Nikki, you can do better than that!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed

"We still need you you drunken fool! Fight!"

- When Nikolai is swarmed

"Nikki! You suck."

- When Nikolai makes a crawler

"No time for this, Nikki!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Of course Nikolai made a crawler, he cannot see straight!"

- When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Nikolai's lack of skill, disgusts me."

- When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Your commitment to mediocrity is ALMOST commendable, Nikolai."

- When Nikolai makes a crawler

"Very good shot for a little one!"

- When Samantha gets a headshot

"Most impressive, little girl!"

- When Samantha gets a headshot

"If you kill a million of them, you may earn back your honor."

- When Samantha gets a headshot

"Another one bites the blood!"

- When Samantha gets a headshot

"Samantha is a very good shot!"

- When Samantha gets a headshot

"Stay where you are!"

- When Samantha is swarmed

"We are coming for you!"

- When Samantha is swarmed

"Keep shooting, Samantha!"

- When Samantha is swarmed

"Today is not your day to die!"

- When Samantha is swarmed

"Your dishonor dooms you, child, but I will help when I can!"

- When Samantha is swarmed

"Child, aim more for the head!"

- When Samantha makes a crawler

"If you must fight with us, child, aim better!"

- When Samantha makes a crawler

"You're brave, little one, but your shooting needs work!"

- When Samantha makes a crawler

"Keep trying, little one!"

- When Samantha makes a crawler

"You keep practicing, and you can be great like Takeo one day!"

- When Samantha makes a crawler

Perk-A-Cola
"Now I can Jugg their Noggs."

- After drinking Jugger-Nog

"Headshots come natural to Takeo."

- After drinking Deadshot

"Yum! This never taste so good!"

- After drinking Quick Revive

"I am ready! Bring 'em on Cowboy yee-haaaw!"

- After drinking Double Tap

"This is helpful, although not my favorite."

- After drinking PhD Flopper

"Now THIS Is Cola!"

- After drinking Mule Kick

"This drink makes Takeo strong!"

- After drinking Mule Kick

Zombies
"I stab at thee."

- After knifing a Zombie (A reference to Richtofen's identical quote in Shangri-La)

"How dare you touch Takeo?!"

- After killing a zombie that just hit him

"I will avenge.. myself!"

- After killing a Zombie that just hit him

"I would say "BANZAI!" but Takeo is no cliché"

- After killing lots of Zombies

Crawlers
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA these Crawlers are very amusing!"

- After making a Crawler

"I would take one as a pet, if it was not for the mess."

- After making a Crawler

"OUCH! My legs are not for eating!"

- After getting hit by a Crawler

Ammo
"Never max ammo when you need one."

- When out of ammo

"No more ammo means no more fun"

- When out of ammo (A possible reference to a similar quote made by Richtofen)

"I am empty. Completely empty."

- When out of ammo

"Empty? Fine, I will tear them apart with my bare hands!"

- When out of ammo

"No ammo? Not cool."

- When out of ammo

"Anybody got a extra bullet?"

- Getting low on ammunition

"Mag? Mag? Anyone got a mag!?"

- Getting low on ammunition

Gravity
"Okay, put me down! Put me down!"

- While jumping in low gravity(Possible reference to Nikolai quote on Shangri-La.)

"Low gravity, is honorable!"

- While jumping in low gravity

"Why is this jumping weird?"

- While jumping in low gravity

Hacking
"Takeo is fighter, not an engineer."

- After picking up the Hacker

"Is this some kind of square boomerang?"

- After picking up the Hacker

"I wonder what this button does..."

- After picking up the Hacker

"What is this hacking? I see no sharp blades or edges."

- After picking up the Hacker

"What am I supposed to do with this, throw it at them?"

- After picking up the Hacker

"Hacking-Takeo on it's way!"

- After picking up the Hacker

Other
"Ah, positive reinforcement."

- After earning an achievement

"I promise to destroy every last remnant of 935! I will destroy them all!"

- After completing Richtofen's Grand Scheme

"Just what a doctor ordered. No, not you Richtofen."

- After getting max ammo or after getting power up from QED.

"I will take it anytime."

- After getting shots from weapons from QED.

"Brought back from the brink? Takeo owes you one."

- After being revived

Area 51
"Ooh, Dempsey! I think can see your house from here! It's on fire!"

- Upon entering Area 51

"Oh, this must be the place where they bake all the apple pies!"

- Upon entering Area 51 (Reference to a Call of the Dead radio in which Richtofen complains about America and their apple pies)

"We must get to the teleporter!"

- Upon entering Area 51

"The foolish Americans will never gain my secrets."

- Upon entering Area 51

Entering Griffin Station
"Wow, look at this place. A place I've never ever been before...ever. Someone turn on the power."

- After entering the Receiving Area

"*yawns* It's just a Moon base after all, no biggy. Oh yeah, time to turn on the power."

- After entering the Receiving Area

"Oh good, GOOD, we've made it. Now one more convoluted multi-part step before I have the...oh, um, power. We've got to turn on the power...STOP LOOKING AT ME!"

- After entering the Receiving Area

"It will all be over soon, just do as I do and try not to die."

- After entering the Receiving Area

"FINALLY IT WILL BE MINE! I mean, hey I think we're in space!"

- After entering the Receiving Area

Zombies
"This will open your mind! Ahahahaha, get it? Open your mind! Forget it..."

- After getting a headshot

"I take your soul!"

- Knifing during Insta-Kill

"MORE! MORE! GIVE ME MORE! Ok, a little less."

- After killing many Zombies

"Again, I am the victor!"

- When getting a kill.

"EAT IT und LIKE IT!"

- When killing a zombie

"Schweinehund, DIE!"

- When killing a zombie

"SCHWEINEHUND!"

- When killing a zombie

"Enough spleen for everyone! Wunderbar!"

- When killing several Zombies with a frag grenade

Weapons
"It goes *high pitch* BOOM!. But not so high pitched more like BOOM!"

- Buying Semtex

"Ah. This is from Gersch's Kassimir Mechanism prototype. Now to make a working one."

- After getting a Gersch Device from the box

"Damnit."

- After getting a bad effect from the QED

"Nein, that's not right!"

- After getting a bad effect from the QED

"Ack! Useless!"

- After getting a bad effect from the QED

"This thing needs a redesign."

- After getting a bad effect from the QED

"Again with the screwing of the doctor. This is getting old."

- After getting a bad effect from the QED

"Oh good, that worked well."

- After getting a good effect from the QED

"Now to do that again!"

- After getting a good effect from the QED

"Chance smiles on the good doctor."

- After getting a good effect from the QED

"Oh, I love a good gamble! But only when I win."

- After getting a good effect from the QED

"Oh, that was exactly what I wanted!"

- After getting a good effect from the QED

Perk-A-Colas
"Revive this you animals!"

- After drinking Quick Revive

"I do need a Juggernog tonight!"

- After drinking Juggernog

"Aah, the power of a third arm! I know it well."

- After drinking Mule Kick

"Root beer! Ja!"

- After drinking Double Tap Root Beer

"I will shoot them! In their eyes!"

- After drinking Deadshot Daiquiri

"Again with the flopping doctor."

- After drinking PhD Flopper

"Oh, the rush is invigorating!"

- After drinking Speed Cola

"It's stamin-uuuup time!"

- After drinking Stamin-Up

Utilities and Equipment
"Oh no, I got to go."

- After using the Launch Pad

"My mad Haxor Skill is only eclipsed by my Mad Scientist Skills"

- When using the Hacker

"If my calculations are correct, that big digging thingy is going to FUCK US UP!"

- When an excavator is about to breach the moon base.

Power-Ups
"I can't hear you! Lalalalala!"

- When Insta-Kill is activated

"Insta-death is not fast enough for them."

- When Insta-Kill is activated

"I do not care about points. Only death."

- After obtaining Double Points

No Air
"*gasping* This is... all... Dempsey's fault!... I hate... pie!"

- When not wearing the P.E.S. in an airless room

"NEIN!... AIR!... GOOD FOR... TORTURE... *cough*"

- When taking the P.E.S off outside

"MUST... GET TO... AIR!!"

- When taking the P.E.S off outside

"Lungs feel...flat.*gasp* Pain in pancre...as."

- When not wearing the P.E.S. in an airless room

"The... Doctor... is... almost... out... of... SPLEENS!"

- When taking the P.E.S off outside

P.E.S.
"I could use this to help with Dempsey's smell."

- After equipping the P.E.S.

"I have a better one at home."

- After equipping the P.E.S.

"This will do, but not as fashionable as I like."

- After equipping the P.E.S.

"I wonder if this will block the voices. THE VOICES!"

- After equipping the P.E.S.

"Ah, I may need this, but I do hate to mess up my hair."

- After equipping the P.E.S.

Low Gravity
"Ja! It worked! Now onto phase 12!"

- When jumping in a low gravity environment

"Griffin Station! Follow me!"

- When jumping in low-gravity environment

Downed/Hurt/Revived
"I am dying!"

- When downed

"You dare touch me, minion?"

- When being hit

"You dare attack the doctor?"

- When being hit

"It bites my shins... IT BITES MY SHINS!"

- Hit by crawler "Oh good, I'll try not to forget your birthday this year"

- When revived

Easter Egg
"Damnit, I hate doing this! Where is Groph when you need him?"

- After finding the computer terminal for Samantha Says

"Stupid Dempsey. Now we must try again."

- When Samantha Says is lost

"Ah, good. You guys didn't screw up."

- When Samantha Says is won

"How do you not recognize me? It's ME!"

- After moving near the four buttons during Step 2

"I knew I should have invented an automatic egg-moving robot. Stupid Maxis with his stupid accent."

- When moving the "egg" towards the pyramid

"Why can't we just PICK THIS UP!"

- When knifing the egg towards the pyramid

"Hello Samantha, you little brat. Your time is coming. Soon. *laughs* SO SOON!"

- After revealing Samantha from the pyramid

"It's mine, FINALLY IT'S MINE!"

- When Receiving The Vril Generator

"I LIVE! The POWER! THE POWER! I WILL CONTROL THEM ALL! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL! But not before we continue the game."

- After swapping bodies with Samantha

Ammo
"MY AMMO IS LOW!"

- When low on ammo

"Oh no, I need ammo."

- When low on ammo

"Without the bullets I must start stabbing. AH! STABBING!"

- When out of ammo

"All I have left is my knife. THERE WILL BE BLOOD!"

- When out of ammo

Pack-a-Punch
"You would think they could've made this faster after all this time."

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"Oh to be back on the Moon. Now to just finish what I started."

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"It all comes down to this. All the planning, all the work, the thousands of bodies."

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"Damn that little girl for making me do all of this!"

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"If I had a spleen for every second I've waited for this infernal machine, I would have at least 50."

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"Oh hurry it up, you damn machine!"

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"♫ Doot doot doot Dempsey, is a big fat stupid dull hunk of meat. Doot doot doot doot Dempsey, sucks. ♫"

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

"Oh, to finally be free from the company of fools. It will be glorious!"

- While waiting for Pack-a-Punch

Interactive
"Dempsey, nice try, stupid!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot

"The doctor is not impressed Yankee time apple pie man."

- When Dempsey gets a headshot

"Dempsey, you disgust me. Leave some for the rest of us."

- When Dempsey gets a headshot

"Nein, Dempsey! He was mine!"

- When Dempsey gets a headshot

"You're just lucky. Stupid und lucky."

- When Dempsey gets a headshot

"You deserve that Dempsey!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed

"I will help you because I need you...for now."

- When Dempsey is swarmed

"Dempsey is in trouble! Oh, joy!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed

"I think they want your Apple Pies, American. (laughs) As if he carries the pies where...forget it."

- When Dempsey is swarmed

"Dempsey, stop taunting my little friends!"

- When Dempsey is swarmed

"One day your foolishness will kill you, Dempsey, und that will be a good day."

- When Dempsey makes a crawler

"I hate you, Dempsey. I hate everything about you."

- When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Dempsey has made a crawler. He's so dumb!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Drat! Dempsey, must I always clean up after you?"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Dempsey, you must start killing better!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler

"Dempsey, you annoy me, und you're disgusting, UND I HATE YOUR FACE AND YOUR NECK!"

- When Dempsey makes a crawler

As the Demonic Announcer
"Kaa-BOOM!"

- When picking up Nuke

"Insta-Kill!"

- When picking up Insta-Kill

"Time for a FIRE SALE!"

- When picking up Fire sale.

"Aahahahahahahah, nahahahahah byebye!"

- After getting a Teddy Bear from the Mystery Box

Ludvig Maxis
"Greetings. If you are receiving this message, it means that Richtofen has entered the device. If you free me, I will help you minimize the damage that he will inevitably cause."

- Said after Sam and Richtofen switch bodies.

"I have finished the calculations. Launch protocol initiated. Launch in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..."

- Said after completing final game of Samantha Says

"30 seconds to impact."

- Said when rockets are halfway to Earth.

"*Maniacal Laughter*"

- After Earth was destroyed

"I know what you're up to, and I will not allow you to succeed."

- Talking to Richtofen

"Access denied, Richtofen."

- Talking to Richtofen

"Stop the madness, Edward, we were supposed to HELP the human condition, not destroy it."

- Responding to Richtofen

Pack-A-Punch
"I hate Edward! He has lied to daddy since I was just a little girl. *laughs*"

- When waiting for the Pack-a-Punch

Easter Egg
"But I want my body back, and I will destroy that evil Richtofen for taking daddy away!"

- Samantha upon completion of the Big Bang Theory Achievement.

"Bye bye, daddy. I love you."

- Said upon completion of the Big Bang Theory Achievement.

"YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED IN THIS, EDWARD!"

- Said when filling up the four jars

"I WILL DESTROY YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO DADDY!"

- Said when filling up the four jars

"EDWARD! YOU WILL TREMBLE IN FEAR! I'LL SLICE YOU APART AND EXPOSE YOUR ROTTEN INNARDS SO YOU WILL BE JUDGED FOR WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME!"

- Said when Richtofen is nearby

""YOUR TEARS WILL TASTE SO SWEET, WHEN YOU BEG FOR YOUR MISERABLE LIFE!""

- When filling up the jars

"YOU DID THIS! I WILL HAVE NO MERCY ON YOU FOR YOUR ARROGANCE!"

- Said when filling up the jars.

"I WILL DESTROY ALL THOSE WHO HELP YOU!"

- Said when filling up the jars. Note: This explains why the zombies attack the other three characters, not just Richtofen.

"THE EARTH'S DESTRUCTION WILL LIE IN YOUR HANDS EDWARD! YOUR FAULT!"

- Said when filling up the jars

"*Gasp* Oh no..."

- Said once all four jars are full

"It was more fun when I was in charge!"

- After swapping bodies with Richtofen

"Go egg go!"

- When watching the egg travel

Zombies
"Zombies! Go bother Nikolai."

- When swarmed.

"Pop goes the zombie..."

- Explosive kill.

"Let's play hide and seek!"

- Upon getting a kill. A reference to the Fly Trap.

"Come on! You guys have helped Edward, help me!"

- When surrounded.

"Get away, puppet!"

- When getting a kill.

"*Ashes, ashes, DIE!*"

- Sung when getting a kill.

"Daddy, don't let them hurt me anymore!"

- Getting hit by a Zombie.

"Looook, I made it rain!"

- Getting a kill

"Time to play with dead thing!"

- Getting a kill

"Next time,﻿ Uncle Edward will give you stronger legs! Edward! Give them stronger legs! You're terrible at this!"

- When making a crawler. (Reference to how Richtofen is controlling the Zombies now.)

"Down comes the baby, cradle and all. Shh..."

- When getting a kill.

"Hahahaha! Stop that! It tickles!"

- When getting hit by a crawler

"Crawl to me! Minion!"

- When making a crawler

"I'll drink your sorrow..."

- When making a crawler

"I feel no pity for your pain!"

- When killing an Astronaut Zombie

"Stay away from Sam!"

- When killing an Astronaut Zombie

"STAY BACK!"

- When killing a Zombie that recently attacked

"Bye Bye..."

- When getting a kill

"Bored now. Ice cream!"

- When making a crawler

"Hurt you more than you hurt me."

- When killing a zombie that recently hit her

"Tell Edward to DIE!"

- When getting a kill with the Gersch Device

"Ha! I'm a natural!"

- When getting a headshot

"Guns are fun!"

- Getting a headshot

"Boom goes Fluffy dog!"

- Killing a Hellhound (A reference to her dog, Fluffy)

"No soul for you today!"

- Killing a Hellhound

"Die hell spawn!"

- Killing a Hellhound

"Fetch this!"

- Killing a Hellhound

"Poor puppy..."

- Killing a Hellhound

"Feel Samantha!"

- When killing a zombie with the Zap Gun Dual Wield.

"Did you see that? He blew up!"

- Killing a zombie with the Wave Gun.

"Bye bye dead guy!"

- Killing a zombie with the Wave Gun

"Do you smell the rotting flesh cook?"

- Killing a zombie with the Wave Gun

"Ding! Snacks ready! Who wants spleen?"

- Killing a zombie with the Wave Gun

"Just like mommy used to make...."

- Killing a zombie with the Wave Gun

"SPLAT!"

- Killing a zombie with the Ray Gun

"Drink it Eddy! You liar!"

- Getting multiple kills

Mystery Box
"Oh, goodie! Hahahahah!"

- Receiving a good gun from the box

"You cannot hide in there forever Edward!"

- Receiving a teddy bear from the box

"Let's play a game!"

- When getting a Machine Gun from the box. Also could be a reference to the Fly Trap easter egg

"He he he! Samantha's been a naughty little girl!"

- When getting an assault rifle from the box

"My favorite little toy!"

- When receiving a Ray Gun from the box

"Oh, no! This is not fun."

- When receiving a pistol from the box

"Oh! I can't make them play dead with this!"

- When getting a pistol from the box

"I WILL MAKE YOU DIE!"

- When getting the QED

"Meet the Aether!"

- When using the Gersch Device

"I will rip you to pieces, liar!"

- When Mystery Box moves location

"Take me to my father!"

- When receiving Teddy Bear from the box

"Bring it back to me!"

- When Mystery Box moves location

"How convenient!"

- When hacking the Mystery Box

Ammo
"DAMN DAMN DAMN! No bullets."

- When out of ammo.

Power Up
"DIE!"

- When getting a kill during Insta Kill

"Feel me!"

- Getting a kill during Insta Kill

"I will drink your tears!"

- Getting a kill during Insta Kill

"I'll cut you!"

- When getting a kill during Insta Kill

"Bad puppet!"

- When getting a kill during Insta Kill

"That will keep them out for a second."

- When getting Carpenter

"I liked my song better..."

- When getting a Fire Sale

"Feel my wrath!"

- Getting a Nuke

Perk-a-Cola
"Ooh! Strawberries! And a little something like...spleens."

- When buying Deadshot Daiquiri

"Mmm I like root beer! Hehehe!"

- When buying Double Tap

"I feel all grownup!"

- When buying Juggernog

"Mommy said I didn't have to eat prunes! It is for old people."

- When purchasing PhD Flopper

"This still feels slow."

- When buying Speed Cola

"Ugh, blech! Yucky!"

- When buying Quick Revive

"Mmm...yummy in my tummy!"

- When buying Mule Kick

"Sour!"

- When buying Stamin-Up.

Interactive
"Samantha says STOP!"

- When hacking an excavator

"What's that scary sound!?"

- When excavator approaches.

"The floor is all rumbly..."

- When excavator is incoming.

"Takeo you play the game really good!"

- When Takeo gets a headshot

"No matter how many you kill, you cannot win this way!"

- When another player gets a headshot.

"Uh-oh...you made a booboo."

- When another player makes a crawler.

"Wheeeeeee!"

- When using the Launch Pad.

"Look at me daddy!"

- When using the Launch Pad.