User blog comment:Abigail Misty Briarton/A poem for Misty/@comment-1187559-20130726055356

As an honest critique, it just seems like you're writing sentences and making sure the last words rhyme. But in the case of some sentences the length is so different it doesn't roll of the tongue very well, if a sentence feels too long then it doesn't fit well with the prior sentence. A good example is in the first stanza: So if I just call you mist Please forgive me and don't punch my face with your fist The 2nd sentence is too long compared to the first, and feels odd. The first sentence has 7 syllables, and the other has 12 which is what leads to the strange dis-balance between the sentences.

Aside from that it does look like you've put some good effort into this, I just hope you can take this critique into account.