User blog:Cpt. Carebear/Weirdest things you've ever heard

So...I was reading my cousin's Facebook page and he had something that said:

I woke up just then...and my hand was swollen, I have finally managed to impregnate my hand!

And (Don't yell at me for saying the next one, my cousin did):

Canada, where Goergians meet poles....

Then there was a conversation between to friends:

''Dude... this movie is going to be shithouse''

''Jesus, don't blame me... I made sure your arse was in the movie.''

Then my science teacher today:

Sir, have you printed off the page for me yet?

No, Tegan, I haven't.

Sir, you're lazy.

Dems fighting words, Jacinta.

Which begs the question: What is the weirdest thing you've over heard?