Die Rise/Quotes

These are quotes from the corresponding characters during the Zombies map 'Die Rise'.

Abigail "Misty" Briarton

Ammo

"Well, don't expect any last minute saves, I'm completely out. "

— When out of ammo

"He-hey, person in charge, how about throwing us one of thoose ammo things?"

— When out of ammo

"*Sigh* I haven't been this low on ammo since...the last time."

— When out of ammo

"*Sigh* Hear that click click? That's my empty gun, folks."

— When out of ammo

"No ammo? Alright, I take it bare-handed!"

— When out of ammo.

"C'mon, evil voices. Throw us a bone!"

— When out of ammo.

"Dammit, without ammo this weapon is as useful as Stuhpinger!"

— When out of ammo.

Beginning

"Power out? Talk about Deja-fucking-vu!"

— Upon starting the match; a reference to Dempsey in Kino der Toten.

"No power? Gah, why can't shit be simple?"

— Upon starting the match.

"Once again we find ourselves without electricity!"

— Upon starting the match.

Downed or Revived

""Now don't go getting any ideas!""

— When getting revived by teammates

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Seems to fit, as long as I wiggle it a little."

— Upon crafting.

"Looks like a part of... something."

— When picking up a part.

"I'll just leave this here, and borrow this other thing."

— After swapping parts

"Fits like a glove...sure don't look like one, though."

— Upon crafting.

Mystery Box

"Okay, monkey, dance the little bastards to their graves!"

— Upon receiving Monkey Bombs.

"Huh...I had a pet monkey when I was a little girl."

— Upon receiving Monkey Bombs.

"Ha, ha...I've killed with a monkey before, y'know."

— Upon receiving Monkey Bombs.

"Nothing too fancy here...just how I like it."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"I like to keep things simple."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"Okay, you undead bastards, I'll take you two at a time!"

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Double death, comin' right up!"

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Five-Seven?"

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Shit! This is like teats on a boar."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"Woooo! I couldn't have picked better myself."

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"Ha ha! Now that hits the sweet spot!"

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"Now we're talking!"

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"Alright, well, let's show these goons we mean business."

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"Heh heh, yeah! I just hit the jackpot."

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"I got just the tool for the job...and I ain't talking about Stuh-pinger."

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"Oh, yeah! It's hurtin' time!"

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"I'm bringin' the pain to this party!"

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"This may not be ladylike, but I ain't like any other lady!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"Now you boys will see how shit really gets done!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"Nice! Now I can do some real damage!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"Ooh, stumpchuckers, your days are numbered!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"I am one lucky lady tonight!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"Hey, rotgobblers, I got a burst-fire surprise for ya!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1. Note that this can also be said upon receiving the Barrett M82A1, however this is a glitch.

"Yes! I am truly blessed."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Alright! Let's turn this shit around."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Well, fancy that! I actually got my money's worth."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Ooh, am I getting special favors here?"

— Upon receiving the S12.

"Aw, you really know how to charm a girl, don't ya?"

— Upon receiving the S12.

"The future is now...kinda."

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Eh, this "science-friction" stuff is more of a boy thing."

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Bullets or lasers? Hmm, makes no difference to me!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Huh, at least it makes a lot of noise...maybe the sound'll scare 'em off."

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Python? It may not be venomous, but it'll sure leave a mark..."

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Well, well, ain't this a well-oiled machine?"

— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"Ha ha! Did Santa Claus get my letter?"

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

Possibly a similar quote to Dempsey when he receives the Ray Gun.

"Oooh, I think I got a good deal here!"

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"Ugh. I feel like I just wasted my money."

— Upon receiving the DSR-50.

"Ugh, this ain't no good! Still, I could kill fleshgobblers with a peanut if I had to."

— Upon receiving the DSR-50.

"Hey, Marlton, wanna trade for this?"

— Upon receiving the DSR-50. Reference that the DSR-50 is Marlton's favorite weapon.

"Pfft...my first BB gun was better than this..."

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"What am I meant to do with this crap?"

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"Ah! Looks like I got "F"-all!"

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"Aw, this is a bad day in badsville..."

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Ugh! Gimme weak-ass crap again and I will bust you open, box!"

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"I think I can make this work..."

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"This kinda crap belongs in Russman's hands."

— Upon receiving the War Machine. A reference that the War Machine is Russman's favorite weapon.

"Ugh...why do I feel like I'm going in half-cocked?"

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"Heh, I might be able to bag a few with this...so long as they all stand close."

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"Screw you box! Your junk is overpriced anyway!"

— When trying to use the box with insufficient funds.

Perk-a-Cola

"Ugh, did this have to work for Stuhpinger?"

— After drinking Quick Revive

"Ugh, is this stuff safe for humans?"

— after drinking Who's Who

"Mule kick!"

— After drinking Mule Kick

Power-Up

"Two-for-one time!"

— Upon receiving Double Points.

"CINDERS!"

— Upon recieving a Nuke.

Pack-a-Punch

"When life gives you lemons, make a better gun!"

— Upon Pack-a-Punching a weapon.

"I keep finding myself wondering...who built these things?"

— Upon Pack-a-Punching a weapon.

"Heh heh...maybe I could shove Stuh-finger in there, see if it fixes him up!"

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Amazing! It fixed something that wasn't even broken!"

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Happiness is indeed a Warm Gun!"

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon. A reference to the 1968 Beatles Song "Happiness Is A Warm Gun".

Random

"Rest in peace, monkey. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten."

— Upon the detonation a Monkey Bomb.

"Hm, Should I stop and listen, or just keep fighting?"

— Said when getting a Persistent Upgrade.

"I don't do it for medals, I do it for the kicks."

— Said when doing an action that earns a Trophy/Achievement.

Zombies

"Heh heh, that's a meaty ol' mess!"

— Upon killing multiple Zombies with a grenade.

"Wooooo! Clean up on isle 3!"

— Upon killing multiple Zombies with a grenade.

"Look, but don't touch!"

— Upon killing a Zombie that previously hit her.

"Ugh! You touch it, you PAY for it!"

— Upon killing a Zombie that previously hit her.

"I ain't going to stand for that!"

— Upon killing a Zombie that previously hit her.

"Ugh! I could shoot the wings off a fly! Believe me, I've done it."

— Upon gibbing a Zombie.

"Without your arm, those long, lonely nights are about to get lonelier!"

— Upon gibbing a Zombie.

"Let your worries melt away!"

— Upon killing a Zombie with the Sliquifier.

"Your leaping days are over, buster!"

— Upon killing a Jumping Jack.

"That sure took the spring outta your step, didnt it?"

— Upon killing a Jumping Jack.

"Pick on someone else! How about Russman?"

— Upon being hit by a Jumping Jack.

"Gah! Thoose jumping snap dragon's are headed this way!"

— Randomly, at start of a Jumping Jack round.

"You're so dumb, you're gonna start walking in circles!"

— When surrounded.

Marlton Johnson

Weapons

"Randomness, be damned! I will take matters into my own hands."

— Upon buying the Colt M16A1.

"This transaction is transparent. A fair price for a fair product."

— Upon buying the M14.

Ammo

"My ammo is much like negative four-five-nine point six-seven degrees Fahrenheit!"

— When low on ammo.

"I cannot forsee a situation where by a lack of ammo is a positive thing!"

— When out of ammo.

"...My ammo count is currently inversely proportional to the presented threat!"

— When low on ammo.

"Uh, excuse me? I feel I should alert you all to my rather troubling ammunition situation!"

— When out of ammo.

"Don't expect ME to provide cover fire! You people can't even master basic tactical maneuvers!"

— When low on ammo.

"WOE IS ME!"

— When low on ammo.

"*Grunts* My weapon is as useful as a conversation with Stuhlinger."

— When out of ammo.

"I am perhaps enduring the worst ammunition recession of recent years!"

— When out of ammo.

"Oh come on, now is not a good time to be out of ammo. But then again, when is?"

— When out of ammo.

"Uhh, excuse me, I feel I need to warn you about my troubling ammunition situation."

— When out of ammo.

"Come on powers that be, how about a MAX AMMO?!"

— When low on ammo.

Beginning

"Given the structural damage around us, I suspect the power systems are equally impaired."

— When the game starts

"No power. Simple. Even an idiot could fix it...wanna volunteer, Russman?"

— Upon beginning a match.

Downed or Revived

"Gah! Did you just try to kiss me?!"

— Said when being revived.

"I live to fight another day! Today! This day! Now!"

— Said when being revived.

"Okay, next time, can you follow some basic hygiene rules? Many diseases are easily communicable by touch, you know!"

— Said when being revived.

"...I think I can see a light, most likely a result of my brain being starved of oxygen"

— Said when being revived.

"Move away now, before I catch something worse! Too close, too close..."

— Said when being revived.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Ah! Finders Keepers! I am a finder, therefore it follows that I must also be a keeper! *chuckle*"

— Upon picking up a crafting part.

"This component is clearly part of something else, but what exactly?"

— Upon picking up a crafting part.

"This should be a simple matter. Attach this to this."

— Upon crafting.

"If my suspicions are correct, then this should go here...oh, and it does, thus proving my suspicions correct!"

— Upon crafting.

Mystery Box

"It is a common misconception that shotguns are more effective when the barrel is sawn off. I would explain, but time is short."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Oh, Misty, I wish I could share with you that which I hold in my hand. Th-the shotgun!"

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Though named after a seating position relative to a vehicle's driver, this weapon sure packs a punch!"

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Hmm...very much in the lieu of the Russian classics. I can see why Misty appreciates its reliability."

— Upon receiving the S12.

"Oh, hey, hey, hey, Misty, Misty...it's interesting that the Saiga-12 extractor does not actually but rather delegates the whole blocking function to a lug located directly behind the bolt face...Misty?"

— Upon receiving the S12.

"I'd wager that some among us couldn't even spell "RPG"."

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"This is crude, loud and dumb. Russman!"

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"Oh, great, another potential way to hurt myself."

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"The naming of this "KAP" appears deficient in terms of the letter 'r'. Deficient to the tune of 1."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40. Note that he is essentially calling it the KRAP-40.

"I have so much more than book smarts...I also have this crappy weapon."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"If the 'KAP' fits, wear it. If it doesn't fit, it's not a hat but it's wearing nonetheless."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"The pen is mightier than the sword! This appears to be a combination of the two..."

— Upon receiving the Ballistic Knife.

"I, myself, will go ballistic, if this bad fortune should continue!"

— Upon receiving the Ballistic Knife.

"A fair price for such hardware...that said, can I get change?"

— Upon receiving the Chicom CQB.

"Happiness, defined by someone other than I, is a warm gun."

— Upon receiving the Chicom CQB.

"With such a high capacity and rate of fire, I predict a high number of zombie fatalities."

— Upon receiving the Chicom CQB.

"Did I receive such a gift in error...?"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"With great power comes responsibility...sadly, the inverse is not true."

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"Now this is more like it! When 'it' is greater than or equal to AWSOME!!"

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"I confidently predict an increase in zombie-killing by at least 20%!"

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"Only the addition of suction cups could render this weapon less effective."

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"I would verbalize my disappointment but I fear the air would turn blue from such profanity."

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"Such a feeble weapon has no place in this array of armaments!"

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"I will not win any prizes with this, not that prizes are commonplace."

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Naming such an ineffective weapon after an animal noted for its teeth seems somewhat misleading."

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Consider me impressed, box! That, in itself, is an achievement."

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"Wow, this is interesting! 5.56mm compact carbine assault rifle with a 380mm barrel!"

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"Ah, few things in this world are as perfectly precision-built...besides Misty, that is..."

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"Blessed are the meek...and they don't come much meeker than me."

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"High fire rate, low recoil...it's like a melodic sequence of notes to my ears!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"Type 25...you're my type alright! Fully automatic, high capacity and goes like a coal-burning freight train!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"On a scale of one to ten, I would rate this 5.7...divided by 2."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"A single Five-Seven...perhaps Sam or...Misty...may find joy in its sudden materialization."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"Ah, it's like two for the price of one."

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Oooh, a Python. Is it wrong to now consider myself a proficient snake charmer?"

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Got to keep a firm grasp when it goes off. Don't even think it, Russman!"

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Many weapon experts consider this the finest production revolver ever made. I count myself among them."

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Hey, Samuel! I think I've got your genital deficiency compensation device!"

— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"This really puts the 'b' in 'subtle'."

— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"Given my admittedly limp throwing abilities, I welcome this more efficient means of explosive propulsion!"

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"I derive no pleasure in depriving Russman of his favourite firearm. Well, maybe a lot."

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"Should memory serve, which it always does, the maximum effective range is approximately 2000 yards."

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"First manufactured towards the end of the 20th century, but a fine piece of weaponry by any measures."

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"In my humble opinion, the recoil-operated rotating bolt system of this rifle has yet to be bettered."

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"Hmmm...originally a sniper rifle but modified for larger rounds...ooh! And a hydraulic recoil buffer! Bravo, say I!"

— Upon receiving the DSR-50.

"Fortune smiles on me...not literally, as fortune has no face."

— Upon receiving the DSR-50.

"People do tend to listen more when you have a BIG GUN!"

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"The power of this weapon cannot be underestimated! At least, not by me."

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"I feel strangely compelled to mention this device in relation to time! Heh heh...why is that?"

— Upon receiving the HAMR. A reference the MC Hammer song U Can't Touch This.

"In many ways, the RPD was the precursor to pretty much every other squad automatic weapon."

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"The merits of quantity and quality seem somewhat moot when you have quantity of quality!"

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"Ah, it is fortuitous that this high-capacity magazine is not prone to jamming unlike some weapons I could mention..."

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"One day, I will analyze the functionality of this device. I suspect it may have applications beyond simple execution."

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Its power lies in its diminutive dimensions!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"I can relive my childhood dreams of intergalactic heroism! I am...FLASH ROGERS!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun. "Flash Rogers" is most likely a reference to the comic/television characters "Flash Gordon" and "Buck Rogers".

Perk-a-Cola

"This will allow me to assist my companions more effectively...should I choose to do so."

— Upon buying Quick Revive.

"I do not understand the correlation between the consumption of a liquid, and my firearms rate of fire."

— Upon buying Double Tap Root Beer.

"Mule Kick!"

— Upon buying Mule Kick.

"Hmm... I am in two minds of whether to drink this or not, curious, I am usually very decisive."

— When buying Who's Who.

Power-Up

"Line them up and I shall take them out!"

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"I shall engage in a killing spree!"

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"A fantastic implementation of carpentry skills!"

— Upon receiving a Carpenter.

"Ha ha ha, I can't believe my luck!"

— Upon receiving a Double Points.

"Right in the kisser! You know, kissing really is quite disgusting. Lots of bacteria."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Ah no, you bled on me! Disinfect, Disinfeeeect!"

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Come at me, bro! Oh, I feel like such a jock for saying that."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Death to you! Double Points to me. An equitable accommodation!"

— Upon receiving Double Points.

Random

"Well, I can speculate as to why that sound plays, and speculate I will. In due course."

— Said when the player earns a Persistent Upgrade.

"I appreciate that my efforts have been recognized."

— After doing an action that unlocks a Trophy/Achievement

Zombies

"The hour is darkest, before the dawn... JUST HOW LONG IS THE NIGHT?!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"I... Feel vulnerable!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"What hope now, I suspect none!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"...They're almost upon me!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"TOO MANY ZOMBIES IN CLOSE PROXIMITY!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"Ohhh, the horde advances!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"To say the situation is rapidly deteriorating is an understatement!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"Oh, I fear they will have their way with me!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"The odds against survival appear too great!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"Uggh, I know who to blame if I get infected..."

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Huh, you may hay have messed with the wrong guy, didn't you?"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Payback's a bitch! Just so you know, so is Russman. "

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Ah! He scratched me! Somebody grab some ointment!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Touch me, I touch you! Same rules I have on the bus. Except I despise touching so...maybe don't touch me to begin with."

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Oh, even your arm wanted nothing to do with you."

— When shooting a zombies arm.

"If you hurry they may be able to re-attach it."

— When shooting off a zombies arm.

"Hear the sound of one hand clapping"

— When shooting off a zombies arm.

"I just put a boo in boom!"

— When killing one or more zombies with a grenade.

"Ah shit, that wasn't a real monkey! Was it?"

— After throwing a Monkey Bomb

"Monkey see... monkey do!"

— Said when throwing a Monkey Bomb.

"That was like eight zombies in five seconds. Honestly, it was."

— When killing multiple zombies with the Sliquifier.

"Help me Misty, I've been jumped!"

— When hit by a Jumping Jack.

"They traverse great distances in a single leap, like a man with super-powers!"

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack, during a Jumping Jack round.

"I see you, foul spring-loaded beast!"

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack, during a Jumping Jack round.

"Oh, unless I'm mistaken, his cranium was severed, just above the cervical vertebrae!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Oh, a mind is a terrible thing to waste... Fortunately, you didn't have one!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"The distance itself is not the impressive thing, rather, it was my inarguable accuracy!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"It is maybe for the best, you knew not what hit you!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Did that cure your headache?"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I wonder why the regular undead have retreated. Do they fear what's coming?"

— At the start of a Jumping Jack round

Interactive

"When Russman does it, it's annoying. But you..."

— When Misty makes a crawler

"He's still got a little fight in him, Misty!"

— When Misty makes a crawler

"Don't let him damage your legs, or any other part!"

— When Misty makes a crawler

"You're lucky, zombie. Misty gets to kill you twice."

— When Misty makes a crawler

"He's like a little lap dog... that hates you."

— When Misty makes a crawler

"Nice shooting, Misty!"

— When Misty gets a headshot

"Oh, you got this all in hand, huh, Misty?"

— When Misty gets a headshot

"If I was half as good a shot as Misty, I'd still be twice as good as Russman."

— When Misty gets a headshot

"I think he smiled... just 'cause it was you."

— When Misty gets a headshot

"You clearly penetrated his cerebral cortex with that shot!"

— When Misty gets a headshot

"Leave her alone, you monsters!"

— When Misty is swarmed

"I don't doubt your ability to handle the situation, but, do you want help?"

— When Misty is swarmed

"They're close enough to smell you, Misty... I, oh, uh, she smells beautiful!"

— When Misty is swarmed

"I know you like your independence, but would it be remiss to assist?"

— When Misty is swarmed

"Ooh, you want to use me as bait, Misty?"

— When Misty is swarmed

"I think he likes you, Misty."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"That monkey doesn't know how lucky he is to be yours, Misty."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"If in doubt, throw it at Russman!"

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"Hold him tight, Misty! Tight against your... uh, your... um, just hold him tight."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"You have someone who would die for you, Misty... and a monkey."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"Is there a reason you want 'em at waist height, Russman?"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"You trying to keep them alive and angry?"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"Russman, you suck! You only killed half of him!"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"You gonna leave that thing crawling around?"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"His threat level has not evaded, even with his newly diminutive dimensions."

— When Russman makes a crawler

"Given even a finite amount of time, a single monkey could have made that shot!"

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Think you're a big man, huh? I know the truth."

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Uh, I think he ran into it, Russman. The probability of you repeating such success is barely infinitesimal."

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Eh, you got lucky. Unlike your poor mother."

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Oh, no! You're going to die horribly! (laughs)"

— When Russman is swarmed

"Don't worry yourself, Russman. They're really just after brains."

— When Russman is swarmed

"They're gonna eat you, Russman! Try to choke them on the way down!"

— When Russman is swarmed

"Russman's surrounded... maybe I should just enjoy the show."

— When Russman is swarmed

"Something terrible is about to happen to Russman! Quick, do nothing!"

— When Russman is swarmed

"Russman just found himself a bigger brain! You two brothers?"

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

"(in a dumbed-down voice) Start it up, then put it in your pocket!"

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

"Pavlov's Dog. Schrödinger's cat. Somehow, Russman's Monkey doesn't have the same ring."

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

"I hope it blows his stupid hands off!"

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

Russman

Ammo

"This old man can still go bare-knuckles if he has to!"

— When out of ammo.

"If anyone sees ammo, it's mine!"

— When out of ammo.

"Watch your backs fella's, I'm all out!"

— When out of ammo.

"Ho, ho, I need some lead for my pencil!"

— When running out of ammo.

Beginning

"We should turn the power on... So y'all can see how awesome I am."

— Said randomly at the beginning of a game.

Downed or Revived

"Guess none of you was watchin' my back."

— When revived.

"Back to life! Get out my knife!"

— When revived.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Hooo! Would ya looky here, this shit fits together. "

— Upon completing a buildable item.

"Junk plus junk equals... more junk."

— Said when Russman adds a part

"I'll save this one for later."

— Said when switching crafting parts.

Mystery Box

"Hey! Look at what the devil box gave me!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Five Seven?!"

— Upon receiving the Five Seven.

"Why's a box need money anyway?"

— When trying to use the Mystery Box with insufficient funds

Perk-a-Cola

"This will put some lead to my pencil."

— Upon buying Who's Who.

"I'm already tough enough, but hey, I'm thirsty."

— Upon buying JuggerNog.

"Mule kick! "

— Upon buying Mule Kick.

"Haha, feelin' limber after that."

— Upon buying Speed Cola.

"This'll keep the wolf from the door."

— Upon buying Quick Revive.

Power-Up

"Two for one on the freakalopes!"

— Upon obtaining Double Points.

"Later, gators!"

— Upon obtaining a Nuke.

"Wonder if i got time for a nap."

— Upon obtaining a Nuke or Carpenter.

"When Russman hits somethin', it don't get back up."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"I cut you like butter!"

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Lay down, big boy."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Russman coming through!"

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"You're taking a beating boy."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

Random

"I remember when this used to only cost a dime."

— When trying to open a door with insufficient funds.

"Aw man, Russman outta cash."

— When trying to open a door with insufficient funds

"What can I tell ya. Money's been tight since I retired."

— When trying to buy a wall weapon with insufficient funds

"What is that? Don't tell me I'm hearin' things like Stu."

— Said when getting a Persistent Upgrade.

Zombies

"No-one gunna back me up here?"

— When being swarmed.

"Who in the hell do you think you are to put your hands on me!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You done goofed, bloodbag!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You realized where you went wrong?!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You got balls picking on me!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You see that? You wish you saw that!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"Right in the brain-bops!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"I'm a crack shot! You're lucky that's not where I shot ya!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"That's right, keep walkin' ! 'Til you realize you don't have a fuckin' head!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"I'm toying with you like a cat. Cat with a gun."

— After killing a lot of zombies.

Turning on the power

"And Russman said 'Let there be light!' and the light was too scared to disagree."

— Said when turning on the power.

Interactive

"Stay calm Stu! Block out the voices in your head!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting swarmed.

"Put your war face on! You do have one, don't you?"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting swarmed.

"You can do it, Stu! Just remember everything I taught you!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting swarmed.

"Hehehe! You two make a good team!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb out of the box.

"That there is an explosive monkey! Guard it with your life!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb out of the box.

"When you hit trouble, toss off a monkey!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb from the box.

"Better start grindin' your organ now that you got a monkey, Stu!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb from the box.

Samuel J. Stuhlinger

Ammo

"I would say this is a coincidence, but this happens waaaaayyyyy too often"

— When out of ammo.

"Why am I out of bullets? Hello, who's responsible for that?"

— When out of ammo

"Maybe there is some loose shells on the ground."

— When out of ammo

"Come on voice guy, throw us a max ammo!"

— When out of ammo.

"Uhh, did someone steal my ammo?"

— When out of ammo.

"Come on voice, help me!"

— When out of ammo.

"I've almost got more balls than bullets."

— When out of ammo.

"Hey Russman, got any spare lead?"

— When out of ammo.

Beginning

"Let's get some juice running through this place so we can see what we're doing."

— Upon starting the game.

"Turn on the power, kill zombies, lather, rinse and repeat...which, by the way, is a conspiracy by the shampoo commercials. You don't really have to wash your hair twice."

— Beginning of game

"The power switch should be nearby, go find it, Darlington!"

— Beginning of the game

Downed or Revived

"Help! One of 'em's got me!"

— Upon being downed.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"I think this may be more helpful..."

— Said when switching crafting parts.

"This is definitely part of that other thing that...yeah."

— Said when acquiring a part. Similar to what he said in Green Run

"Look's like junk, but you never know..."

— Said when acquiring a part.

"Hey, voice! Mind telling me what the fuck this is?"

— Said when acquiring a part.

"Insert Tab 'A' into slot 'B' and... Pound it with a hammer."

— Upon crafting. Also said by him in Green Run.

"I know what this is for! Erm...what is this for?"

— Upon finding a part.

"Can't we just get the geek to put all this shit together?"

— Said when finding a part.

"Fits like a glove, on a fucking foot!"

— When adding a part.

"Well, it's part of something. Darn if I know what, though."

— When finding a part.

"I just push these parts together and... AGHHH SHIT! Did I break it?"

— Upon crafting.

"Do you think this is more important?"

— When switching crafting parts.

"Ack. Why do you make me choose?!, I should have brought a bag."

— Upon swapping crafting parts.

Mystery Box

"Ohhhh yeah, those rotsnogglers are heading to pain town!"

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1

"Woohoohoo! I'm packing the good stuff baby!"

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven

"Another damn pussy-ass weapon? Pfft it's yours Marlton?"

— After receiving the DSR-50

"Hey Russman! I'm packing one of your faves now! Yeah check it out!"

— After receiving the War Machine

"Uhhhh, guess I'll be followin' then."

— After getting a Teddy Bear

"HEY BITCH, have you been screwing around with this machine?"

— Upon receiving the M1216

"Well this is just embarrassing! What, you're going to make me fight naked too?"

— Upon receiving the SMR.

Perk-a-Cola

"Sure. You want me to keep the others alive. Why, though?"

— After drinking Quick Revive

"Did anybody else consider the possibility that this stuff is toxic to our brains?"

— After drinking Double Tap.

"Confidence. Think it gives me confidence. Oh I hope so. I really do."

— After drinking Juggernog.

"Who's Who, that's what I wanna know, especially that crazy German voice."

— After drinking Who's Who.

"MULE KICK!"

— After drinking Mule Kick.

Power-Up

"Sam-u-el, sends you the bill!"

— After getting Double Points.

"Enough of you!"

— After getting a nuke.

"Yeah. Yeah. YEAHHHHHHH!"

— After getting Max Ammo.

"Confidence!"

— After getting a nuke.

Random

"Well, it's good that my all around badassery is appreciated."

— After performing an action that earns a Trophy/Achievemernt.

Zombies

"BRING 'EM UP! YOU'RE LUNCH MEAT!"

— Said upon killing a zombie that hit him. Also said in Tranzit

"Now it's MY turn!"

— When killing the zombie that hit the player

"I got teeth too!"

— When killing the zombie that hit the player

"Where you making fun of me?"

— When killing the zombie that hit the player

"Ooh i don't blame you. I'm hungry too..."

— When killing the zombie that hit the player

"Not today!"

— When killing the zombie that hit the player

"Down in one!"

— After killing a zombie with insta-kill.

"Talk to the dirt!"

— After killing a zombie with insta-kill.

"Those jumping jump fucks are right on us!"

— Randomly, on a Jumping Jack round.

"You, are grounded!"

— Upon killing a Jumping Jack.

Ludvig Maxis

Speech to Players

"The Energy fields are no longer disrupting my communications via electrical devices. You will hear me and you should listen."

— Said at the beginning of a game.

"You will need the weapon you hold in due time. Make sure you guard it with your life."

— Said when a player obtains a sniper rifle.

"Excellent! The Energy fields are changing, transforming, flowing... uh, you are on the right path."

— Said when finding the correct order for the sequential crests.

"If you cannot follow my instructions, then you're of no use to me..."

— Said when the players use the Sliquifier to spin the balls for Richtofen.

"Yes, yes, keep going! More blood!"

— Said when killing zombies in the tilted room.

"Reincarnation will reveal it's way foward."

— Said when killing a satisfactory amount of zombies in the tilted room.

Edward Richtofen

As Demonic Announcer

"Insta-Kill!"

— Said when getting an Insta-Kill power up.

"Double Points!"

— Said when getting a Double Points power up.

"Max Ammo!"

— Said when getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Ka-BOOM!"

— Said when getting a Nuke power-up.

"Carpenter!"

— Said when getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Fetch me their souls..."

— Said when a Jumping Jack round begins.

Easter Egg

"We must neutralize any errant energy fields in order to prevent Maxis from enacting his plan. Take whatever action is necessary to ensure the sources do not fall under his control. IF YOU CAN FIND THEM!"

— Said when obtaining a sniper rifle.

"Vital energy flows through all things, living or dead. My power to manipulate these forces is fragile, and limited. That is why is need your help. Dummkopf!"

— Said when power is activated.