Die Rise/Quotes

These are quotes from the corresponding characters during the Zombies map 'Die Rise'.

Abigail "Misty" Briarton

Ammo

"I'm almost out!"

— When low on ammo.

"I'm running on fumes here!"

— When low on ammo.

"Why aren't there any ammo when you need it!"

— When low on ammo.

"He-hey, person in charge, how about throwing us one of those ammo thing?"

— When low on ammo.

"Getting low on ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

"Well, don't expect any last minute saves, I'm completely out."

— When out of ammo.

"I haven't been this low on ammo since...the last time."

— When out of ammo.

"Hear that click click? That's my empty gun, folks."

— When out of ammo.

"No ammo? Alright, I take it bare-handed!"

— When out of ammo.

"Come on, evil voices. Throw us a bone!"

— When out of ammo.

"Dammit, without ammo this weapon is as useful as Stupidger!"

— When out of ammo.

Beginning

"Power out? Talk about Deja-fucking-vu!"

— Upon starting the match; a reference to "Tank" Dempsey in Kino der Toten.

"No power? Gah, why can't shit be simple?"

— Upon starting the match.

"Once again we find ourselves without electricity!"

— Upon starting the match.

"Power's out again. Can't we hire someoone to do this shit?"

— Upon starting the match.

"Looks like we're gonna have to hook up the power, again!"

— Upon starting the match.

Down or Revived

"Don't you go getting any ideas!"

— After getting revived.

"Much apreciated."

— After getting revived.

"It ain't enough to know how to ride, you got to know how to fall."

— After getting revived.

"Guess I owe you one."

— After getting revived.

"Well, you know what they say, don't ever squat with your spurs on."

— After getting revived.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Hm, don't look like much, but it may be useful."

— When picking up a part.

"Think I better hang on to this."

— When picking up a part.

"Huh, this looks like a little piece of... something."

— When picking up a part.

"Sometimes, two hands just ain't enough."

— After swapping parts.

"I'll just leave this here, and borrow this other thing."

— After swapping parts.

"Well, guess it's one or the other. Okay, I'll take this."

— After swapping parts.

"Seems to fit, as long as I wiggle it a little."

— After adding a part.

"Fits like a glove...sure don't look like one, though."

— After addding a part.

"Hah, would you look at that. I've always had a knack for fixing things."

— After addding a part.

"I think this is just about done!"

— After crafting.

"It's finished! Now, what the hell is it?"

— After crafting.

"Now I just need to find out what it does!"

— After crafting.

"At least it ain't as heavy as it looks!"

— After picking up the Trample Steam.

Mystery Box

"Okay, monkey, dance the little bastards to their graves!"

— Upon recieving Monkey Bombs.

"Huh...I had a pet monkey when I was a little girl."

— Upon recieiving Monkey Bombs.

"Ha, ha...I've killed with a monkey before, y'know."

— Upon recieving Monkey Bombs.

"Nothing too fancy here...just how I like it."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"I like to keep things simple."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"Hah. Now this is right up my alley."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"Okay, you undead bastards, I'll take you two at a time!"

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Double death, comin' right up!"

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Five-Seven?"

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Shit! This is like teats on a boar."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"Woooo! I couldn't have picked better myself."

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"Finally, something with a little meat on its bones."

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"Ha ha! Now that hits the sweet spot!"

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"Now we're talking!"

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"I reckon I might just open a can of whoop-ass!"

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"Heh heh, yeah! I just hit the jackpot."

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"I got just the tool for the job...and I ain't talking about Stupidger."

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"Oh yeah! It's hurtin' time roach-rodders!"

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"I'm bringin' the pain to this party!"

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"It may not be ladylike, but I ain't like any other lady!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"Now you boys will see how shit really gets done!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"Nice! Now I can do some real damage!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"Ooh, stumpchuckers, your days are numbered!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"I am one lucky lady tonight!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"Hey, rotgobblers, I got a burst-fire surprise for ya!"

— Upon receiving the M8A1. Note that this can also be said upon receiving the Barrett M82A1, however this is a glitch.

"Yes! I am truly blessed."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Alright! Let's turn this shit around."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Well, fancy that! I actually got my money's worth."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Ooh, am I getting special favors here?"

— Upon receiving the S12.

"Aw, you really know how to charm a girl, don't ya?"

— Upon receiving the S12.

"The future is now...kinda."

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Eh, this 'science-friction' stuff is more of a boy thing."

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Bullets or lasers? Hmm, makes no difference to me!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Huh, at least it makes a lot of noise...maybe the sound'll scare 'em off."

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Python? It may not be venomous, but it'll sure leave a mark..."

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Huh, it's kinda tiny, but it's got a lot of power, know what I mean?"

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Well, well, ain't this a well-oiled machine?"

— Upon receiving the Executioner. Possibly a similar quote to Dempsey when he receives the Ray Gun.

"This will put a hell of a dent in 'em."

— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"Oooh, I think I got a good deal here!"

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"Ugh, this ain't no good! Still, I could kill fleshgobblers with a peanut if I had to."

— Upon receiving the DSR-50.

"Hey, Marlton, wanna trade for this?"

— Upon receiving the DSR-50. Reference that the DSR-50 is Marlton's favorite weapon.

"Pfft...my first BB gun was better than this..."

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"What am I meant to do with this crap?"

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"Ah! Looks like I got 'F'-all!"

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"Aw, this is a bad day in badsville..."

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Ugh! Gimme weak-ass crap again and I will bust you open, box!"

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"I paid good money for this!?"

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"I think I can make this work..."

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"This kinda crap belongs in Russman's hands."

— Upon receiving the War Machine. A reference that the War Machine is Russman's favorite weapon.

"Ugh...why do I feel like I'm going in half-cocked?"

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"Heh, I might be able to bag a few with this...so long as they all stand close."

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"Ehh, can't say I'm partial to this high-falutin gizmo."

— Upon receiving the Ballistic Knife.

"Who in the world thought these were a good idea?"

— Upon receiving the Ballistic Knife.

"Knives, huh? I say we go carve some meat!"

— Upon receiving the Ballistic Knife.

"Now hold on a minute!"

— Upon receiving the Teddy Bear.

"Why'd it move? I got reason enough to hate that box already!"

— Upon receiving the Teddy Bear.

"Ugh, don't that just beat all."

— Upon receiving the Teddy Bear.

"There a twister coming through?"

— Upon receiving the Teddy Bear.

"Agh, don't try to appease me with the damn bear!"

— Upon receiving the Teddy Bear.

"Screw you box! Your junk is overpriced anyway!"

— When trying to use the box with insufficient funds.

Perk-A-Cola

"Agh, does this have to work for Stupidger?"

— After drinking Quick Revive

"Ho ho ho, wow! That'll put hairs on your chest."

— After drinking Juggernog.

"Ugh, you sure that's fit for humans?"

— After drinking Who's Who.

"MULE KICK!"

— After drinking Mule Kick.

"Eugh! This is like...the worst moonshine, ever! Blagh!"

— After drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

"Whew, I wasn't exactly slow before, but hey I'll take all the help I can get."

— After drinking Speed Cola.

"Haha! I got some fast feet now!"

— Cut quote: After drinking Stamin-Up.

"Anyone feeling lucky? I do!"

— Cut quote: After drinking Tombstone Soda.

"I don't really need these fancy drinks anyway."

— Attempting to buy one with insufficient funds

Power-Up

"You just woke one sleepy giant!"

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"Unleash the whirly-gig!"

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"Crunch!"

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"Two-for-one time!"

— Upon receiving a Double Points.

"One! Two! I'm killing you!"

— Upon receiving a Double Points.

"Double trouble!"

— Upon receiving a Double Points.

"CINDERS!"

— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"That's the big boom!"

— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"Kabooie!"

— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"Full. As. A. Tick!"

— Upon receiving a Max Ammo.

"Woo! I topped off my tank!"

— Upon receiving a Max Ammo.

"Look at all this ammo!"

— Upon receiving a Max Ammo.

"Whew! Thanks for the break."

— Upon receiving a Carpenter.

"Well that saves me a lot of hammering."

— Upon receiving a Carpenter.

"I thank you, my wrists thank you."

— Upon receiving a Carpenter.

Pack-A-Punch

"Huh, when life gives you lemons, make a better gun!"

— Upon Pack-A-Punching a weapon.

"I do find myself wondering who built these things?"

— Upon Pack-a-Punching a weapon.

"Alright, I paid my money, now where's my prize?"

— Upon Pack-a-Punching a weapon.

"The weirdness just keeps coming, don't it?"

— Upon Pack-a-Punching a weapon.

"Let's see what this little doo-hickey can do."

— Upon Pack-a-Punching a weapon.

"Heh heh...maybe I could shove Stuh-finger in there, see if it fixes him up!"

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Amazing! You fixed something that wasn't even broken!"

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Happiness is indeed a warm gun!"

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon. A reference to the 1968 Beatles Song "Happiness Is A Warm Gun".

"Well well, I think a round of applause is in order!"

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Don't that beat all? Heh, it better had."

— After retrieving her Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"Third time's the charm, heh. No, wait, this is only the second."

— Upon subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"My oh my, lookie what we have here!"

— Upon subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"I should get a discount for being a regular customer!"

— Upon subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"Come on machine! Time is wasting!"

— Upon subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"How about some music while I'm waiting?"

— Upon subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"Thank you kindly."

— After subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"This just gets better and better!"

— After subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"Now that's what I call a real fixer upper!"

— After subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"Holy moley! You sure did a number on this old thing."

— After subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"Oh, come to Misty baby!"

— After subsequent uses on the same weapon.

Random

"Rest in peace, monkey. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten."

— Upon the detonation of one of her Monkey Bombs.

"Hm, should I stop and listen, or just keep fighting?"

— Said when getting a Persistent Upgrade.

"I don't do it for medals, I do it for the kicks."

— Said when doing an action that earns a Trophy/Achievement.

"Ehh, I'd rather just get Stupidger to stand against the window. Hah."

— Upon repairing a barricade.

Turning on the power

"Hey hey, we got power!"

— Said when turning on the power.

"Ugh, I think this place probably looked better in the dark."

— Said when turning on the power.

"Okay, now we can see what we're killing."

— Said when turning on the power.

Weapons

"Heh, I've been hankering for something like this."

— Upon buying the Olympia or Remington 870 MCS.

"Randomness be damned, I'm taking this."

— Upon buying the Olympia or Remington 870 MCS.

"Hoh, when you want something, buy it yourself."

— Upon buying the Olympia or Remington 870 MCS.

"Ugh I gotta some money, fast."

— Attempting to buy one with insufficient funds

Zombies

"Ladies first!"

— Upon killing a zombie with Insta-Kill.

"You just got owned!"

— Upon killing a zombie with Insta-Kill.

"Gah, beat it deadbeat!"

— Upon killing a zombie with Insta-Kill.

"Chew on that!"

— Upon killing a zombie with Insta-Kill.

"Ho ho, you're done bitch!"

— Upon killing a zombie with Insta-Kill.

"Agh! We got a crawler!"

— Upon making a crawler.

"He's like a little baby. An ugly, evil little baby."

— Upon making a crawler.

"Great, that's all we need. Chomping teeth at crotch height."

— Upon making a crawler.

"At least he's halfway dead. That's math, Stupidger."

— Upon making a crawler.

"Someone keep an eye on that little shit."

— Upon making a crawler.

"Back off, crawlboy!"

— When hit by a crawler.

"Not the boots! They're my ass kicking boots!"

— When hit by a crawler.

"Now I'm mad!"

— When hit by a crawler.

"You're not going to live to regret that!"

— When hit by a crawler.

"Youch! Those bastards are nibbling on my leg!"

— When hit by a crawler.

"Say goodnight filth-bag!"

— Upon killing a crawler.

"Heh, he's done, for now."

— Upon killing a crawler.

"Little runt was getting on my nerves."

— Upon killing a crawler.

"You were just getting on my nerves."

— Upon killing a crawler.

"Son of a bitch was making too much noise."

— Upon killing a crawler.

"Heh heh, that's a meaty ol' mess!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies explosives.

"Shit! That's a meaty ol' mess"

— Upon killing zombies with explosives.

"Woo, clean up on isle 3!"

— Upon killing zombies with explosives.

"Ha ha, you guys got diced!"

— Upon killing zombies with explosives.

"Hoh! Never knew what hit 'em!"

— Upon killing zombies with explosives.

"Oh man, that was not pretty but it sure was sweet! Heh heh."

— Upon killing zombies with explosives.

"Look, but don't touch!"

— Upon killing a zombie that previously hit her.

"Ugh! You touch it, you PAY for it!"

— Upon killing a zombie that previously hit her.

"Eugh, I ain't gonna stand for that!"

— Upon killing a zombie that previously hit her.

"Ugh, don't you even think about it!"

— Upon killing a zombie that previously hit her.

"Scratch me, I'll scratch you back!"

— Upon killing a zombie that previously hit her.

"Ugh! I could shoot the wings off a fly! Believe me, I've done it."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Heh, now you've got piercings too, in your face!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Ugh! I could smell you coming."

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Without your arm, those long, lonely nights are about to get lonelier!"

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Aww, did you break a nail?"

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Aww, you gonna cry?"

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"You're so dumb, you're gonna start walking in circles!"

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"That was a warning shot!"

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Let your worries melt away!"

— Upon killing a zombie with the Sliquifier.

"Your leaping days are over, buster!"

— Upon killing a Jumping Jack.

"That sure took the spring outta your step, didnt it?"

— Upon killing a Jumping Jack.

"Pick on someone else! How about Russman?"

— Upon being hit by a Jumping Jack.

"Shit, not these freaks again!"

— At the start of a Jumping Jack round.

"Heads up! Those jumping jack bastards are coming again!"

— At the start of a Jumping Jack round.

"Gah! Thoose jumping snap dragons are headed this way!"

— At the start of a Jumping Jack round.

"Hold up, this sounds like a whole heap of trouble."

— At the start of a Jumping Jack round.

"Eyes high everyone, these ain't your regular stumblers."

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack.

"Alright, watch the walls and the ceilings!"

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack.

"Damn, these things just get uglier and uglier!"

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack.

"These things evolving? Or is it just an old school mutation?"

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack.

"Heh heh, I'm putting them down double time!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"That's all of 'em, right?"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"Yes, keep 'em coming, I got this!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"Woo! It's hunting season!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"Woo! I'm thinning the herd, boys!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"I'll walk right through ya!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"Woah ho, you expecting a different outcome, rotgobbers? Ha ha!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"Roll up! Roll up! Watch the chud chomper killing marvel in action!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

"Ha ha ha, this must be some kind of record!"

— Upon killing multiple zombies in quick succession.

Marlton Johnson

Ammo

"My ammo is much like negative four-five-nine point six-seven degrees Fahrenheit!"

— When low on ammo.

"I cannot forsee a situation where by a lack of ammo is a positive thing!"

— When out of ammo.

"...My ammo count is currently inversely proportional to the presented threat!"

— When low on ammo.

"Uh, excuse me? I feel I should alert you all to my rather troubling ammunition situation!"

— When out of ammo.

"Don't expect ME to provide cover fire! You people can't even master basic tactical maneuvers!"

— When low on ammo.

"WOE IS ME!"

— When low on ammo.

"*Grunts* My weapon is as useful as a conversation with Stuhlinger."

— When out of ammo.

"I am perhaps enduring the worst ammunition recession of recent years!"

— When out of ammo.

"Oh come on, now is not a good time to be out of ammo. But then again, when is?"

— When out of ammo.

"Uhh, excuse me, I feel I need to warn you about my troubling ammunition situation."

— When out of ammo.

"Come on powers that be, how about a MAX AMMO?!"

— When low on ammo.

Beginning

"Given the structural damage around us, I suspect that the power systems are equally impaired."

— When the game starts

"No power. Simple. Even an idiot could fix it. You going to volunteer, Russman?"

— Upon beginning a match.

"If we continue without power, it is unlikely that we will ever find use for the elevators."

— Upon beginning a match.

"This building's electrical systems must be extensive. We should only focus on delivering power to our immediate area."

— Upon beginning a match.

"Our priority should be to reignite this building's power systems. Don't you all agree?"

— Upon beginning a match.

Downed or Revived

"Gah! Did you just try to kiss me?!"

— Said when being revived.

"I live to fight another day! Today! This day! Now!"

— Said when being revived.

"Okay, next time, can you follow some basic hygiene rules? Many diseases are easily communicable by touch, you know!"

— Said when being revived.

"...I think I can see a light, most likely a result of my brain being starved of oxygen"

— Said when being revived.

"Move away now, before I catch something worse! Too close, too close..."

— Said when being revived.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Ah! Finders Keepers! I am a finder, therefore it follows that I must also be a keeper!"

— Upon picking up a crafting part.

"I will keep this to hand in case an appropiate use presents itself."

— Upon picking up a crafting part.

"This component is clearly part of something else, but what exactly?"

— Upon picking up a crafting part.

"Oh, curse my limited capacity for item conveyance."

— Upon switching crafting parts.

"It would help my decision if I knew which piece is more important at this juncture."

— Upon switching crafting parts.

"I think this part may be more important at this particular time."

— Upon switching crafting parts.

"This should be a simple matter. Attach this to this."

— Upon adding a part.

"If my suspicions are correct, this should go here...oh, and it does, thus proving my suspicions correct!"

— Upon adding a part.

"Mere child's play. I can create functional circuit boards from even the most basic materials."

— Upon adding a part.

"I think my work is complete, unless perhaps further modifications are possible."

— Upon crafting.

"This truly is more than the sum of its parts, unlike Russman, who is clearly less."

— Upon crafting.

"Maybe later I can improve efficiency but this will suffice for now."

— Upon crafting.

"Time to test this device in the field, and by that I mean point it towards the undead."

— Upon crafting the Sliquifier.

"Could this be a primitive method for aerial traversal? I think so!"

— Upon crafting the Trample Steam.

Mystery Box

"It is a common misconception that shotguns are more effective when the barrel is sawn off. I would explain, but time is short."

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Oh, Misty, I wish I could share with you that which I hold in my hand. Th-the shotgun!"

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Though named after a seating position relative to a vehicle's driver, this weapon sure packs a punch!"

— Upon receiving the M1216.

"Hmm...very much in the lieu of the Russian classics. I can see why Misty appreciates its reliability."

— Upon receiving the S12.

"Oh, hey, hey, hey, Misty, Misty...it's interesting that the Saiga-12 extractor does not actually but rather delegates the whole blocking function to a lug located directly behind the bolt face...Misty?"

— Upon receiving the S12.

"I'd wager that some among us couldn't even spell 'RPG'."

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"This is crude, loud and dumb. Russman!"

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"Oh, great, another potential way to hurt myself."

— Upon receiving the RPG.

"The naming of this 'KAP' appears deficient in terms of the letter 'r'. Deficient to the tune of 1."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40. Note that he is essentially calling it the KRAP-40.

"I have so much more than book smarts...I also have this crappy weapon."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"If the 'KAP' fits, wear it. If it doesn't fit, it's not a hat but it's wearing nonetheless."

— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"The pen is mightier than the sword! This appears to be a combination of the two."

— Upon receiving the Ballistic Knife.

"I, myself, will go ballistic, if this bad fortune should continue!"

— Upon receiving the Ballistic Knife.

"A fair price for such hardware...that said, can I get change?"

— Upon receiving the Chicom CQB.

"Happiness, defined by someone other than I, is a warm gun."

— Upon receiving the Chicom CQB.

"With such a high capacity and rate of fire, I predict a high number of zombie fatalities."

— Upon receiving the Chicom CQB.

"Did I receive such a gift in error...?"

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"With great power comes responsibility...sadly, the inverse is not true."

— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"This is more like it! Where 'it' is greater than or equal to AWSOME!!"

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"I confidently predict an increase in zombie-killing by at least 20%!"

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"Why would Lil's sexuality be of interest to me? Oh wait, I read that wrong."

— Upon receiving the Galil.

"Only the addition of suction cups could render this weapon less effective."

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"I would verbalize my disappointment but I fear the air would turn blue from such profanity."

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"Such a feeble weapon has no place in this array of armaments!"

— Upon receiving the FAL.

"I will not win any prizes with this, not that prizes are commonplace."

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Naming such an ineffective weapon after an animal noted for its teeth seems somewhat misleading."

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Consider me impressed, box! That, in itself, is an achievement."

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"Now, this is interesting! 5.56mm compact carbine assault rifle with a 380mm barrel!"

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"Ah, few things in this world are as perfectly precision-built...besides Misty, that is..."

— Upon receiving the MTAR.

"Blessed are the meek...and they don't come much meeker than me."

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"High fire rate, low recoil...it's like a melodic sequence of notes to my ears!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"Type 25...you're my type alright! Full auto, high capacity and goes like a coal-burning freight train!"

— Upon receiving the Type 25.

"On a scale of one to ten, I would rate this 5.7...divided by 2."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"A single Five-Seven...perhaps Sam or...Misty...may find joy in its sudden materialization."

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven.

"Ah, it's like two for the price of one."

— Upon receiving Dual Wielded Five-Sevens.

"Oooh, a Python. Is it wrong to now consider myself a proficient snake charmer?"

— Upon receiving the Python.

"I need to keep a firm grasp when it goes off. Don't even think it, Russman!"

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Many weapon experts consider this to be the finest production revolver ever made. I count myself among them."

— Upon receiving the Python.

"Hey, Samuel! I think I've got your genital deficiency compensation device!"

— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"This really puts the 'b' in 'subtle'."

— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"The Executioner. I suspect whoever named this thing was compensating for something."

— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"Given my admittedly limp throwing abilities, I welcome this more effective means of explosive propulsion!"

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"I derive no pleasure from denying Russman of his favourite firearm. Well, maybe a lot."

— Upon receiving the War Machine.

"Should memory serve, which it always does, the maximum effective range is approximately 2000 yards."

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"First manufactured towards the end of the 20th century, but a fine piece of weaponry by any measures."

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"In my humble opinion, the recoil-operated rotating bolt system of this rifle has yet to be bettered."

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1.

"Hmmm...originally a sniper rifle but modified for larger rounds...ooh! And a hydraulic recoil buffer! Bravo, say I!"

— Upon receiving the DSR-50.

"Fortune smiles on me...not literally, as fortune has no face."

— Upon receiving the DSR-50.

"People do tend to listen more when you have a big gun! Heh heh."

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"The power of this weapon cannot be underestimated! At least, not by me."

— Upon receiving the HAMR.

"I feel strangely compelled to mention this device in relation to time! Heh heh...why is that?"

— Upon receiving the HAMR. A reference the MC Hammer song U Can't Touch This.

"In many ways, the RPD was the precursor to pretty much every other squad automatic weapon."

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"The merits of quantity and quality seem somewhat moot when you have quantity of quality!"

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"Ah, it is fortuitous that this high-capacity magazine is not prone to jamming unlike some weapons I could mention..."

— Upon receiving the RPD.

"One day, I will analyze the functionality of this device. I suspect it may have applications beyond simple execution."

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Its power lies in its diminutive dimensions!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"I can relive my childhood dreams of intergalactic heroism! I am...FLASH ROGERS!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun. "Flash Rogers" is most likely a reference to the comic/television characters "Flash Gordon" and "Buck Rogers".

"Well, the existence of this device only adds to my suspicion that logic has little bearing in this realm."

— Upon receiving the Monkey Bomb.

Perk-a-Cola

"Ahh, this will allow me to assist my companions more effectively...should I choose to do so."

— Upon buying Quick Revive.

"I do not understand the correlation between the consumption of a liquid, and my firearm's rate of fire."

— Upon buying Double Tap Root Beer.

"Mule Kick!"

— Upon buying Mule Kick.

"Hmm...I am in two minds about whether or not I should even drink this. Curious, I am normally very decisive."

— When buying Who's Who.

"It would appear that my resistance to pain is substantially increased."

— Upon buying Juggernog.

"Does it make sense that I sense a sense of acceleration to my senses?"

— Upon buying Speed Cola.

"I will run like the wind! I only hope the similarities end there..."

— Cut quote: Upon buying Stamin-Up.

"Blagh *cough*...I cannot be sure what just happened, but I feel as though I need to vomit."

— Cut quote: Upon buying Tombstone Soda.

Power-Up

"Line them up and I shall take them out!"

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"I shall engage in a killing spree!"

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"Instantly killing! Well, perhaps not instant but indistinguishably close to the naked eye."

— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"A fantastic implementation of carpentry skills!"

— Upon receiving a Carpenter.

"Ha ha ha, I can't believe my luck!"

— Upon receiving a Double Points.

"Right in the kisser! You know, kissing really is quite disgusting. Lots of bacteria."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Ah no, you bled on me! Disinfect, Disinfeeeect!"

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Come at me, bro! Oh, I feel like such a jock for saying that."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Death to you! Double Points to me. An equitable accommodation!"

— Upon receiving Double Points.

"Lick the atomic light!"

— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"Fission, fusion, you're dead either way."

— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"Atomic fisison!"

— Upon receiving a Nuke.

Random

"Well, I can speculate as to why that sound plays, and speculate I will. In due course."

— Said when the player earns a Persistent Upgrade.

"I appreciate that my efforts have been recognized."

— After doing an action that unlocks a Trophy/Achievement

Turning on the power

"Approximately 230 volts at 10 amps. Further evidence that we are no longer in America."

— Said when turning on the power.

"And in the end, it is all controlled by a simple switch."

— Said when turning on the power.

"I have succesfully concluded our efforts to reinstall power. You're welcome. "

— Said when turning on the power.

Weapons

"Randomness be damned! I will take matters into my own hands."

— Upon buying the M14 or M16A1.

"This transaction is transparent. A fair price for a fair product."

— Upon buying the M14 or M16A1.

"Ooh, I am truly blessed! Apart from my life being unending misery."

— Upon buying the M14 or M16A1.

Zombies

"The hour is darkest, before the dawn... JUST HOW LONG IS THE NIGHT?!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"I... Feel vulnerable!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"What hope now, I suspect none!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"...They're almost upon me!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"TOO MANY ZOMBIES IN CLOSE PROXIMITY!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"Ohhh, the horde advances!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"To say the situation is rapidly deteriorating is an understatement!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"Oh, I fear they will have their way with me!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"The odds against survival appear too great!"

— Upon being swarmed.

"Uggh, I know who to blame if I get infected..."

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Huh, you may hay have messed with the wrong guy, didn't you?"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Payback's a bitch! Just so you know, so is Russman. "

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Ah! He scratched me! Somebody grab some ointment!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Touch me, I touch you! Same rules I have on the bus. Except I despise touching so...maybe don't touch me to begin with."

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"Oh, even your arm wanted nothing to do with you."

— When shooting a zombies arm.

"If you hurry they may be able to re-attach it."

— When shooting off a zombies arm.

"Hear the sound of one hand clapping"

— When shooting off a zombies arm.

"I just put a boo in boom!"

— When killing one or more zombies with a grenade.

"Ah shit, that wasn't a real monkey! Was it?"

— After throwing a Monkey Bomb

"Monkey see... monkey do!"

— Said when throwing a Monkey Bomb.

"That was like eight zombies in five seconds. Honestly, it was."

— When killing multiple zombies with the Sliquifier.

"Help me Misty, I've been jumped!"

— When hit by a Jumping Jack.

"They traverse great distances in a single leap, like a man with super-powers!"

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack, during a Jumping Jack round.

"I see you, foul spring-loaded beast!"

— Upon seeing a Jumping Jack, during a Jumping Jack round.

"Oh, unless I'm mistaken, his cranium was severed, just above the cervical vertebrae!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Oh, a mind is a terrible thing to waste... Fortunately, you didn't have one!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"The distance itself is not the impressive thing, rather, it was my inarguable accuracy!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"It is maybe for the best, you knew not what hit you!"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"Did that cure your headache?"

— Upon getting a headshot.

"I wonder why the regular undead have retreated. Do they fear what's coming?"

— At the start of a Jumping Jack round

Interactive

"When Russman does it, it's annoying. But you..."

— When Misty makes a crawler

"He's still got a little fight in him, Misty!"

— When Misty makes a crawler

"Don't let him damage your legs, or any other part!"

— When Misty makes a crawler

"You're lucky, zombie. Misty gets to kill you twice."

— When Misty makes a crawler

"He's like a little lap dog... that hates you."

— When Misty makes a crawler

"Nice shooting, Misty!"

— When Misty gets a headshot

"Oh, you got this all in hand, huh, Misty?"

— When Misty gets a headshot

"If I was half as good a shot as Misty, I'd still be twice as good as Russman."

— When Misty gets a headshot

"I think he smiled... just 'cause it was you."

— When Misty gets a headshot

"You clearly penetrated his cerebral cortex with that shot!"

— When Misty gets a headshot

"Leave her alone, you monsters!"

— When Misty is swarmed

"I don't doubt your ability to handle the situation, but, do you want help?"

— When Misty is swarmed

"They're close enough to smell you, Misty... I, oh, uh, she smells beautiful!"

— When Misty is swarmed

"I know you like your independence, but would it be remiss to assist?"

— When Misty is swarmed

"Ooh, you want to use me as bait, Misty?"

— When Misty is swarmed

"I think he likes you, Misty."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"That monkey doesn't know how lucky he is to be yours, Misty."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"If in doubt, throw it at Russman!"

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"Hold him tight, Misty! Tight against your... uh, your... um, just hold him tight."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"You have someone who would die for you, Misty... and a monkey."

— When Misty gets the Monkey Bomb

"Is there a reason you want 'em at waist height, Russman?"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"You trying to keep them alive and angry?"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"Russman, you suck! You only killed half of him!"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"You gonna leave that thing crawling around?"

— When Russman makes a crawler

"His threat level has not evaded, even with his newly diminutive dimensions."

— When Russman makes a crawler

"Given even a finite amount of time, a single monkey could have made that shot!"

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Think you're a big man, huh? I know the truth."

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Uh, I think he ran into it, Russman. The probability of you repeating such success is barely infinitesimal."

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Eh, you got lucky. Unlike your poor mother."

— When Russman gets a headshot

"Oh, no! You're going to die horribly! (laughs)"

— When Russman is swarmed

"Don't worry yourself, Russman. They're really just after brains."

— When Russman is swarmed

"They're gonna eat you, Russman! Try to choke them on the way down!"

— When Russman is swarmed

"Russman's surrounded... maybe I should just enjoy the show."

— When Russman is swarmed

"Something terrible is about to happen to Russman! Quick, do nothing!"

— When Russman is swarmed

"Russman just found himself a bigger brain! You two brothers?"

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

"(in a dumbed-down voice) Start it up, then put it in your pocket!"

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

"Pavlov's Dog. Schrödinger's cat. Somehow, Russman's Monkey doesn't have the same ring."

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

"I hope it blows his stupid hands off!"

— When Russman gets the Monkey Bomb

Russman

Ammo

"This old man can still go bare-knuckles if he has to!"

— When out of ammo.

"If anyone sees ammo, it's mine!"

— When out of ammo.

"Watch your backs fella's, I'm all out!"

— When out of ammo.

"Ho, ho, I need some lead for my pencil!"

— When running out of ammo.

"Under five bullets, I guess I could cap us all."

— When low on ammo.

Beginning

"We should turn the power on... So y'all can see how awesome I am."

— Said randomly at the beginning of a game.

"Whoever did the wiring around here sure fucked it up."

— Said randomly at the beginning of a game.

Downed or Revived

"Guess none of you was watchin' my back."

— When revived.

"Back to life! Get out my knife!"

— When revived.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Hooo! Would ya looky here, this shit fits together."

— Upon completing a buildable item.

"Junk plus junk equals... more junk."

— Said when Russman adds a part

"I'll leave this one for later."

— Said when switching crafting parts.

"All this crap looks the same to me anyhow."

— Said when switching crafting parts.

Mystery Box

"Hey! Look at what the devil box gave me!"

— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"Five Seven?!"

— Upon receiving the Five Seven.

"Why's a box need money anyway?"

— When trying to use the Mystery Box with insufficient funds

Perk-a-Cola

"This'll put some lead in my pencil."

— Upon buying Who's Who.

"I'm already tougher than leather...but hey, I'm thirsty."

— Upon buying Juggernog.

"Mule kick!"

— Upon buying Mule Kick.

"Haha, feelin' limber after that."

— Upon buying Speed Cola.

"This'll keep the wolf from the door."

— Upon buying Quick Revive.

"My trigger finger's ready to work overtime."

— Upon buying Double Tap Root Beer.

"I feel young! It's like I'm sixty again!"

— Cut quote: Upon buying Stamin-Up.

"Huh, not bad!"

— Cut quote: After drinking Tombstone Soda

"Ought to just smash my way in."

— Attempting to buy one with insufficient funds

Power-Up

"Two for one on the freakalopes!"

— Upon obtaining Double Points.

"Later, gators!"

— Upon obtaining a Nuke.

"Wonder if I got time for a nap."

— Upon obtaining a Nuke or Carpenter.

"When Russman hits somethin', it don't get back up."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"I cut you like butter!"

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Lay down, bitch boy."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"Russman coming through!"

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

"You're taking a beating, boy."

— After killing a zombie during an Insta-Kill.

Random

"I remember when this used to only cost a dime."

— When trying to open a door with insufficient funds.

"Aw man, Russman outta cash."

— When trying to open a door with insufficient funds

"What can I tell ya. Money's been tight since I retired."

— When trying to buy a wall weapon with insufficient funds

"Where'd I leave my cash?"

— When trying to open a door with insufficient funds

"What is that? Don't tell me I'm hearin' things like Stu."

— Said when getting a Persistent Upgrade.

"I appreciate the recognition of my skills."

— After doing an action that unlocks a Trophy/Achievement

Zombies

"No-one gunna back me up here?"

— When being swarmed.

"Who in the hell do you think you are to put your hands on me!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You done goofed, bloodbag!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You realized where you went wrong?!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You got balls picking on me!"

— After killing a zombie that hit him.

"You see that? You wish you saw that!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"Right in the brain-bops!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"I'm a crack shot! You're lucky that's not where I shot ya!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"That's right, keep walkin' ! 'Til you realize you don't have a fuckin' head!"

— After killing a zombie with a headshot.

"I'm toying with you like a cat. Cat with a gun."

— After killing a lot of zombies.

Turning on the power

"And Russman said 'Let there be light!' and the light was too scared to disagree."

— Said when turning on the power.

Interactive

"Stay calm Stu! Block out the voices in your head!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting swarmed.

"Put your war face on! You do have one, don't you?"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting swarmed.

"You can do it, Stu! Just remember everything I taught you!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting swarmed.

"Hehehe! You two make a good team!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb out of the box.

"That there is an explosive monkey! Guard it with your life!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb out of the box.

"When you hit trouble, toss off a monkey!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb from the box.

"Better start grindin' your organ now that you got a monkey, Stu!"

— Said upon seeing Samuel getting a Monkey Bomb from the box.

Samuel J. Stuhlinger

Ammo

"I'd call this is a coincidence, but this happens way too often!"

— When out of ammo.

"Why am I out of bullets? Hello, who's responsible for that?"

— When out of ammo

"Maybe there's some loose shells on the ground."

— When out of ammo

"Uhh, did someone steal my ammo?"

— When out of ammo.

"Come on voice, help me!"

— When out of ammo.

"Should I stay still? Hey, maybe they won't notice me."

— When out of ammo.

"I will fight to the death, just hope that it's not mine."

— When out of ammo.

"Hey Russ, got any spare lead?"

— When low on ammo.

"I think I shot myself out a little too fast here."

— When low on ammo.

"Aw nuts!"

— When low on ammo.

"I've almost got more balls that bullets."

— When out of ammo.

"Come on voice guy, throw us a max ammo!"

— When low on ammo.

Beginning

"Why don't that voice save us some time and tell us where the power is?"

— Upon starting the game.

"Let's get some juice running through this place so we can see what we're doing."

— Upon starting the game.

"Same old, same old. Turn on the power, rinse and repeat. Which, by the way, is a conspiracy of the shampoo makers. You don't really have to wash your hair twice."

— Beginning of game

"Power switch should be nearby, go find it, Darlington!"

— Beginning of the game

"You know, it'd be nice if the damn power was already on for once."

— Upon starting the game.

Downed or Revived

"Help! One of 'em's got me!"

— Upon being downed.

"There's a, there's a reason you're keeping me around, right?"

— Upon being revived.

"Oh, thank goodness you saved me. I uh, I had it all in hand."

— Upon being revived.

"Something strange happened, I just can't put my finger in it."

— Upon being revived.

"You expect something in return, don't you?"

— Upon being revived.

"There was something slippery on the floor. Blood, banana, I'm not sure which."

— Upon being revived.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Maybe this one is more important?"

— Upon switching crafting parts.

"I think this may be more helpful."

— Upon switching crafting parts.

"I guess you can't have everything."

— Upon switching crafting parts.

"This is definitely part of that other thing that... yeah."

— Upon acquiring a part.

"Look's like junk, but you never know."

— Upon acquiring a part.

"Hey, voice! You want to tell me what the fuck this is?"

— Upon acquiring a part.

"Hey, voice! You want to tell me what this is?"

— Upon acquiring a part.

"I know what this is for! Erm...what is this for?"

— Upon finding a part.

"Can't we just get the geek to put all this shit together?"

— Upon finding a part.

"Fits like a glove, on a fucking foot!"

— When adding a part.

"Fits like a glove, yeah, on a foot!"

— When adding a part.

"Well, it's part of something. Darned if I know what though."

— When finding a part.

"If I just push these parts together it'll... AGHHH SHIT! Did I break it?"

— When adding a part.

"Do you think this is more important?"

— When switching crafting parts.

"Why do you make me choose?! I should have brought a bag."

— Upon swapping crafting parts.

"Hey it's uh, uh, what do you call it? Yeah, uh, one of those!"

— Upon crafting.

"It's just what I always wanted! What is it?"

— Upon crafting.

"I reckon this is just about done."

— Upon crafting.

"I am not sure just what the fuck this is, but I am taking it with me."

— Upon crafting the Trample Steam.

"You know, I am not sure what this is, but I'm taking it with me."

— Upon crafting the Trample Steam.

Mystery Box

"Ohhhh yeah, those rotsnogglers are heading to pain town!"

— Upon receiving the Barrett M82A1

"Woohoohoo! I'm packing the good stuff baby!"

— Upon receiving the Five-Seven

"Another damn pussy-ass weapon? Pfft it's yours Marlton?"

— After receiving the DSR-50

"Hey Russman! I'm packing one of your faves now! Yeah check it out!"

— After receiving the War Machine

"HEY BITCH, have you been screwing around with this machine?"

— Upon receiving the M1216

"Well this is just embarrassing! What, you're going to make me fight naked too?"

— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Oh, it's aliens. It's got to be aliens."

— Upon getting the Teddy Bear.

"I guess I'll be following then."

— Upon getting the Teddy Bear.

"Hey, did that laugh have a German accent? Hey, you all heard that voice right?"

— Upon getting the Teddy Bear.

"You can run, but you can't hide!"

— Upon getting the Teddy Bear.

"Why now?"

— Upon getting the Teddy Bear.

Pack-a-Punch

"What? Huh? Kill 'em all? You mean the freaks, right? No? The other freaks, yes."

— After retrieving his weapon on the first use.

"You know, why can't we just get this at the start?"

— After retrieving his weapon on the first use.

"I swear, nothing's ever simple."

— After retrieving his weapon on the first use.

"This is special with a capital f!"

— After retrieving his weapon on the first use.

"Oh, worth every penny. Not surprising, seeing how money don't mean shit these days."

— After retrieving his weapon on the first use.

"Worth every penny. Not surprising, seeing how money isn't worth anything these days."

— After retrieving his weapon on the first use.

"You know, seems like whenever I start a train of thought, I uh, just uh *sniffs*. How long this thing take anyway?"

— While waiting.

"There's nothing behind me, is there?"

— While waiting.

"*Blows a raspberry* Like this machine is going to answer any of my questions."

— While waiting.

"You're just another weird thing in a weird, weird world."

— While waiting.

"Damn diary, voices. I don't need this shit! I really, really don't."

— While waiting.

"So, voice in my head, you going to hold my past misdeeds over me forever?"

— While waiting.

"You're always jab jab jabbering in my ear. Why do you never answer me?"

— While waiting.

"Oh I have a voice too. Hear me! Listen to me!"

— While waiting.

"Gah, what do you want from me? You know I'm-I'm already ashamed of what I did."

— While waiting.

"What? I-I guess I'm supposed to just what, wait until you see it deem fit to talk to me? That-that's not fair, no."

— While waiting.

"Oh, fancy schmancy"

— During subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"This is a thing of beauty. I may well sleep with it tonight."

— During subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"Oh, come to Sammy, sweetheart. I'll take real good care of you. Daddy like."

— During subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"This is the best present I ever had. I hope it lasts longer than that birthday cat I got. Should've unwrapped him faster. Sorry Fluffy."

— During subsequent uses on the same weapon.

"I take it this is deluxe version?"

— During subsequent uses on the same weapon.

Perk-a-Cola

"Sure. Yo-you want me to keep the others alive...why though?"

— After drinking Quick Revive

"Anybody consider the possibility that this stuff is toxic to our brains?"

— After drinking Double Tap.

"Confidence. I think it gives me confidence. Oh I hope so. I really do."

— After drinking Juggernog.

"Who's Who...that's what I wanna know! Especially that crazy German voice."

— After drinking Who's Who.

"MUUULE KICK!"

— After drinking Mule Kick.

"Uh, everything seems speeded up!"

— After drinking Speed Cola.

"I feel the need! The need for moving quickly!"

— Cut quote: After drinking Stamin-Up.

"Blegh! Ohh that tasted like liquid chalk!"

— Cut quote: Said upon drinking Tombstone

Power-Up

"Oh, even I can't screw this up!"

— After getting Double Points.

"Sam-u-el, sends you the bill!"

— After getting Double Points.

"Come on and try me you gut-gobblers!"

— After getting Double Points.

"Enough of you!"

— After getting a Nuke.

"Confidence!"

— After getting a Nuke.

"Oh, did everyone see me do that?"

— After getting a Nuke.

"Yeah. Yeah. YEAHHHHHHH!"

— After getting Max Ammo.

"Oh fantastic! Now I've got a chance!"

— After getting Max Ammo.

"You got it!"

— After getting Max Ammo.

"Oh woo, thank goodness."

— After getting a Carpenter.

"I couldn't have held out much longer."

— After getting a Carpenter.

"I didn't need that."

— After getting a Carpenter.

"Crazy pop!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill.

"Hey, taste this, dirt-bags!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill.

"Come and get some, filth!"

— After getting an Insta-Kill.

Random

"Well, it's good that my all around badassery is appreciated."

— After performing an action that earns a Trophy/Achievement.

"This must mean something, but what exactly?"

— After getting a Persistent Upgrade.

"This'll hold 'em back better than that idiot Marlton. Oh I hate him so much."

— Upon repairing a barricade.

Turning on the power

"It's on now! Heh, the uh, the-the power I mean."

— Said when turning on the power.

"Power's on. Just don't touch any bare wires! Trust me."

— Said when turning on the power.

"We got power, and we don't even have to pay a utility bill."

— Said when turning on the power.

Weapons

"If you want something done right, buy it yourself. That's what mommy said."

— Upon buying the B23R.

"I'll take this! Thank you."

— Upon buying the B23R.

"Finally, I can start making a dent in these freak fucks!"

— Upon buying the B23R.

"Finally, I can start making a dent in these freaks!"

— Upon buying the B23R.

Zombies

"Like a jigsaw, in reverse!"

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Quit complaining, you've still got one arm left."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Don't mourn your arm, you'll join it soon enough."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Oops, did you need that?"

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"I'll take you one limb at a time if I have to."

— Upon gibbing a zombie.

"Now it's my turn!"

— When killing the zombie that previously hit him

"I got teeth too!"

— When killing the zombie that previously hit him

"Were you making fun of me?"

— When killing the zombie that previously hit him

"Ooh I don't blame you. I'm hungry too!"

— When killing the zombie that previously hit him

"Not today!"

— When killing the zombie that previously hit him

"Down in one!"

— After killing a zombie with Insta-kill.

"I'll make this quick!"

— After killing a zombie with Insta-kill.

"Talk to the dirt!"

— After killing a zombie with Insta-kill.

"This is easy!"

— After killing a zombie with Insta-kill.

"Those jumping jump fucks are right on us!"

— Randomly, on a Jumping Jack round.

"You, are grounded!"

— Upon killing a Jumping Jack.

Ludvig Maxis

Easter Egg

"The Energy fields are no longer disrupting my communications via electrical devices. You will hear me, and you should listen."

— Said at the beginning of a game.

"The alignment has begun. You are on the right path. Please, continue."

— Said when the elevator symbols step gets completed.

"You must trigger the symbols in the correct order. An order, that only trial and error will reveal."

— Said when stepping on an incorrect sequential floor symbol for the first time.

"Excellent! The Energy fields are changing, transforming, flowing... ah, you are on the right path."

— Said after completing the sequential floor symbols step.

"You must look for objects of steel. With the appropriate weapon, their energy fields can be manipulated."

— Second quote said after completing the sequential floor symbols step.

"You will need the weapon you hold in due time. Ensure you guard it with your life."

— Said when a player (other than Stuhlinger) obtains a sniper rifle.

"It is working! The sphere has relocated! Now, one more must be found."

— Said after the first ball is shot from the dragon.

"The energy within the spheres is in flux. Fear not, we will need them in due course."

— Said after the second ball is shot from the dragon.

"Now, find the enlightened one. A blood sacrifice alone is not enough."

— Second quote said after the second ball is shot from the dragon.

"Reincarnation is key."

— Third quote said after the second ball is shot from the dragon.

"If you cannot follow my instructions, then you are of no use to me..."

— Said when the players use the Sliquifier to spin the balls for Richtofen.

"Yes, yes, keep going! More blood!"

— Said when killing zombies in the Buddha room.

"Reincarnation will reveal the way forward."

— Said when killing a satisfactory amount of zombies in the Buddha room.

"The regenerative powers of that device are vital to our success. Ensure you DO NOT lose it!"

— Said when the upgraded Ballistic Knife is obtained by a player who has neither bought a melee weapon (Bowie Knife or Galvaknuckles) nor has bled out.

"Ahh, yes! Do you see? The energy of their broken souls has been released."

— First quote said after the upgraded Ballistic Knife gets shot in the Buddha Room after killing enough zombies.

"The energy fields remain in flux. Matter must be transformed before it can be contained."

— Second quote said after the upgraded Ballistic Knife gets shot in the Buddha Room after killing enough zombies.

"The spire must be energized with fire and light. Create a field with which to bind it."

— Third quote said after the upgraded Ballistic Knife gets shot in the Buddha Room after killing enough zombies.

"Yes, the orientation is optimum. Continue at speed."

— Said when 1 Trample Steam is placed on a lion symbol.

"You must keep going! The spire awaits energy!"

— Said when 2 Trample Steams are placed on lion symbols.

"It must be [flanked?] by fire und light."

— Said when 4 Trample Steams are placed on lion symbols.

"It is working. We are near our goal."

— Said when both balls are being flung around.

"Form a stand, charge in hand. Only then, will the spire be ours."

— Said after completing the Trample Steam step.

Edward Richtofen

As Demonic Announcer

"Carpenter!"

— Said when getting a Carpenter power-up.

"Double Points!"

— Said when getting a Double Points power up.

"Insta-Kill!"

— Said when getting an Insta-Kill power up.

"Max Ammo!"

— Said when getting a Max Ammo power-up.

"Ka-BOOM!"

— Said when getting a Nuke power-up.

"Fetch me their souls..."

— Said when a Jumping Jack round begins.

Easter Egg

"Vital energy flows through all things, living or dead. My power to manipulate these forces is fragile, und limited. That is why is need your help, ehehe.. dummkopf!"

— Said when power is activated.

"Yess! The energy fields are flowing! But further manipulation is needed before we achieve... ahh uhh, control."

— Said when the elevator symbols step gets completed.

"Eins..."

— Said upon stepping on the first sequential floor symbol in the correct order.

"Zwei..."

— Said upon stepping on the second sequential floor symbol in the correct order.

"Drei..."

— Said upon stepping on the third sequential floor symbol in the correct order.

"VIER! (four!) Good work, Samuel."

— Said upon stepping on the fourth sequential floor symbol in the correct order.

"We must neutralize any errant energy fields in order to prevent Maxis from enacting his plan. Take whatever action is necessary to ensure the sources do not fall under his control. Hehehe—IF YOU CAN FIND THEM!"

— Said when Stuhlinger obtains a sniper rifle.

"Look to the dragon. The energy flows! Oh, how it flows on my face."

— Said after the first ball is shot from the dragon.

"THE BALLS! It's all about the balls! You must purge the energy before Maxis interferes. Perhaps a rapid liquefaction will suffice, ja? THEN DO IT!"

— Said after the second ball is shot from the dragon.

"I try to be patient... really, I do. But you... ruined... EVERYTHING!"

— Said when a player grabs a ball for Maxis.

"JAA! MAKE THOSE BALLS WET, YOU WHORE!"

— Said after shooting a ball once with the Sliquifier.

"More! Keep going—(whispering) ugh you cannot have dry balls, [giga?] dry balls ughhh not good."

— Said when a ball has been shot 10 times with the Sliquifier.

"Ahhh, that was good. Maxis will no longer be able to get his filthy hands on those balls, those all-so-wet balls. Now, the real fun can begin. The spire—it needs the energy of the undead! We must find a way to make our blood sacrifice! Hehehe."

— Said when both balls are shot until they're spinning.

"Oh, look at you! So clever! The machine can automate the undead's destruction."

— Said when 1 Trample Steam gets placed on a zombie symbol.

"Keep going! More machines are needed."

— Said when 2 Trample Steams are placed on zombie symbols.

"Ah hahah. I'm so excited! I'm so pleased. Keep going."

— Said when 3 Trample Steams are placed on zombie symbols.

"Ahaha I love it when we plan, and come together! Aahhh... ehh... What were we doing?"

— Said when 4 Trample Steams are placed on zombie symbols.

"LOOK AT THEM GO!"

— Said during the Trample Steam step in which you get zombies flung.

"More blood! MORE BLOOD!"

— Said during the Trample Steam step in which you get zombies flung.

"Do not stop. I'm so close, *groans*."

— Said during the Trample Steam step in which you get zombies flung.

"Holding back! Holding back—(whispering) I'm so close I'm so close I'm so close—*inhale* Ah haha, I can feel it! Only with your combined energy can we fully control the tower. You'll need a conduit for the electrical energy contained within your living flesh. Any ideas? Oh, I know! How about those.. electric, knuckle, punchy things."

— Said after completing the Trample Steam step.