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The subject of this article appeared in Call of Duty: Black Ops II. The subject of this article appeared in Zombies mode

Abigail "Misty" Briarton

Quotation.png Misty's QuotesQuotationReverse.png


"Marlton, sweetie, would you turn the lights on?"
— Said upon starting.

"Being in the dark is fun and all, but I like being able to see what I'm killing."
— Said upon starting.

"Ugh, lights are out. That's why I knocked my shin into something."
— Said upon starting.

"I'll bet there's some way to get this place lit up..."
— Said upon starting.


"Never again, stumpchuckers, never!"
— After killing a Zombie that hit her.

"Try again, you turd sniffer!"
— Upon killing a zombie that hit her.

"OW! You lousy rot gobbler"
— Upon kiling a zombie that hit her.

"Never again, Shuffle Stepper"
— {{{2}}}

"Ugh! Hands off, Grabby Pants!"
— Upon getting hit by a zombie.

"You can handle this girl, you've been through worse!"
— Said when surrounded by zombies

"Hands off the merchandise, pants-rubbers!"
— Upon killing a zombie that hit her.

"Pop goes the...HEAD!"
— Upon performing a headshot.

"Oh, shit, it's almost like Misty isn't afraid of you! Oh, right, 'cause I ain't!"
— Upon killing a zombie that hit her.

"I should've brought a bag, I could've packed Stuhlinger a lunch."
— Said after killing a lot of zombies.

"Bits and chunks and little munks, haha! That's what zombies are made of!"
— Upon an explosive kill

"Two, Four, Six, Eight, Misty lives to decimate!"
— Said after killing a lot of zombies.

"Haha! You just got your ass kicked by a chick that weighs a buck oh-eight!"
— {{{2}}}

"One, Two, I'm killing you!"
— {{{2}}}

Downed or Revived

"Huh, I thought I was finished there for a second."
— After being revived.

"Must've been some stupid fuck watching my back."
— When downed.

"Whew, that was almost my last rodeo!"
— After being revived.

"Hey! Can someone swing by a Quick Revive?"
— When downed.

"What would you boys do without me?"
— After being revived.

"Don't expect any special favors... if you get my drift."
— Upon being revived.

"Whew, for a second there I thought you guys didn't like me."
— Said when getting revived.

"Feeling kind of exposed down here!"
— When downed

"Ugh, this is why I don't like machines."
— When downed.

"A little help here, gentlemen?"
— When downed.


"Gonna have to look around for a new source of bullets!"
— When low on ammo.

"Can anyone spare some slugs for a lady?"
— When out of ammo.

"No bullets? No back-up? No problem!"
— When out of ammo.

"Stuhlinger! It's your lucky day, you get to watch me use a knife!"
— When out of ammo.

"Oh no, I'm out of bullets! If only a big smelly idiot would protect me!"
— When out of ammo.

"I was a six-time knife-fighting champ, I ain't afraid of nothing!"
— When out of ammo.

"Let me show you boys how unarmed combat is supposed to go down!"
— When out of ammo.

"I smell a knife-fight comin'!"
— When out of ammo

"Whos in charge of giving me bullets? Oh me?"
— When reaching 1-5 ammo left


"One, two, I'm killing you!"
— Upon receiving Double Points power-up.

— Nuke

"And that's the big boom!"
— Upon receiving a Nuke.


"Anyone hurt?... Yuck, what is that taste?"
— After drinking Quick Revive.

"*Burp* Heh... So unlady-like."
— After drinking Juggernog.

— After drinking Stamin-Up and/or Double Tap Root Beer.

"Anyone feeling lucky? I do!"
— After drinking Tombstone

Mystery Box

"Rappidy dabbidy, let's kill some stuff!"
— When getting a good weapon from the Mystery Box

"All right! Time to fire the Misty-fier!"
— Upon aquiring an Galil from the Mystery Box

"You'll do, little man, you'll do... No, I don't mean you, Stuhlinger."
— Upon acquiring an SMG.

"Oohh, start talking, never stop!"
— Upon acquiring the HAMR.

"It's a lady's right to be fussy about her weapons!"
— Upon acquiring a sniper rifle.

"Why don't we bake them some cookies while we're at it?"
— Upon acquiring an SMR from the mystery box.

"At the risk of sounding sexist, this is a girl's gun!"
— Upon acquiring the Chicom CQB.

"This thing talks almost as much as I do!"
— Upon receiving the RPD.

"Can somebody trade me a rake for this thing?"
— Upon receiving the FAL.

"Ugh, Mr. Boxy, why are you so expensive!?"
— Said when unable to afford a weapon from the Mystery Box.

"Oh, I even get rejected by the mysterious Mr. Box?"
— Upon the Mystery Box respawning.

"Typical man, takes what he wants then leaves."
— Upon the Mystery Box respawning.

"Teddy Bear? What kind of sexist crap is this?"
— Upon the Mystery Box respawning

"Ugh... Looks like some kind of substitute penis... If you ask me."
— Upon receiving the Python.

"Look what my daddy left me, I must've been good this year!"
— Upon receiving the S12.

"Two in the hand, and one in the bush!"
— Upon receiving the Five Seven dual wield.

"I point, you die."
— Upon receiving the Five Seven.

"A gun that shoots bombs. What's next, A knife that shoots spoons?"
— Upon receiving the RPG.


"Um, what's that word Marlton uses? Splendiferous? Yeah, this is splendiferous!"
— Upon receiving a Pack-a-Punched weapon.

"C'mon Mr. Pack-a-Punch, g'imme g'imme g'imme g'imme g'imme!"
— When waiting for Pack-a-Punch.

"It's these, empty moments between zombie attacks, that makes me feeling sad."
— Said when waiting for a pack-a-punch

Finding Parts and Crafting

"This looks like it might be good for something..."
— When finding a crafting ingredient.

"Hmm, I wonder if this thing might fit with that other thing..."
— Upon discovering a buildable part.

"I sure hope I'm doing this right..."
— While building.

"Gotta prioritize."
— When switching parts to build something.

"Ghouly ghoulies, here I come!"
— After a successful craft.

"Huh. I bet that idiot Stuhlinger couldn't do this."
— Upon crafting.

"I won't hurt Marlton's feelings by telling him I built this. I'll just say I found it."
— Upon creating a device.

"Huh. Some kind of wind machine...I'll ask Marlton what it does."
— Upon crafting the Turbine.

"I don't need Marlton to do all this... but it's nice to make him feel necessary."
— Upon crafting an item.


"I can't see three feet in front of my face!"
— Said when entering the fog.

"Lets just wander around until we are all dead! How's that for a plan?"
— Upon walking into fog.

"I can't see a Stuhlinger but I can still smell you!"
— Upon walking into fog.

"Stuhlinger, is that smell you?"
— Upon walking into fog

"Whoa, I thought I was a goner for sure out there."
— Upon walking out of the fog.

"Next one who walks in there on purpose, I'm leaving 'em."
— Upon walking out of the fog.

"You guys go for a walk in the fog if you want, but I've had my fill."
— Upon walking out of the fog.


"Watch out! I did something"
— Said when turning on the power.

Locations and the Bus

"Hey Marlton, maybe we could build a tree fort together."
— Said when passing the forest between Diner and Farm

"Ah, the smell of a farm! Not quite the same since they came around."
— Said when reaching the Farm.

"Aw, I wish this diner had a jukebox! We could dance, Marly."
— Said when inside the Diner.

"This place is bringing back all kinds of good memories! Aw, there's even a clothesline like mom used to have."
— Said when at the Farm.

"Okay, alright, enough of the trip down memory lane. This is no longer a farm, it's a ruin."
— Said when at the Farm.

"There's nothing weird about an abandoned power station, right?"
— Said when at the Power Station.

"Ugh, this place just gets creepier and creepier...just like you, Stuhlinger."
— Said when at the Power Station.

"Aaaand here we are again in thrillsville...woop-de-fuckin'-doo."
— Said when reaching the Bus Depot for the second time.

"Maybe I'll get off ahead. I need some...uh...gun oil. Yeah, gun oil."
— Said when on the bus.

"Ugh, Stinklinger, would you take a bath already? I can't escape your smell in this tunnel."
— Said when passing through the tunnel in between the Bus Depot and the Diner.

"Ugh, being in a tunnel with Stupinger...claustrophobia, plus the smell of vomit."
— Said when passing through the tunnel between the Bus Depot and the Diner.

"Aw, no, no more corn fields to wander around in!"
— Said when heading past the cornfields.

"It may be a burnt-out shell, but it's the only one we got."
— Said randomly about the bus.

"Dirty, smelly, and wet. *Gasp* Are we inside of Crapinger?"
— Said randomly on the bus.

"Hey, Stu, look, a brand-new town we've never been to!"
— Said when reaching the Town for the second time.

"Stay in front of me, Gropeinger! I don't want you behind me in the dark."
— Said randomly when on the bus.

"Can't say I'm sorry to leave..."
— Said when leaving the Town.

"Bridges are made for driving over, not falling through!"
— Said when the bus drives over the broken bridge.

"Right, I'll shoot the left one, you shoot the right one and let the one in the middle eat Stuhlinger."
— Said when some zombies latch onto the Bus.

"Huh, figured the pus-nuts would've swarmed this bus by now!"
— Said when no zombies are attacking the bus

"Huh, the bus is clear for once."
— Said when no zombies are attacking the bus

"Stupinger! Go around the bus and check if there are any zombies hiding back there."
— Said when bus is clear

"Aw, you scared Marlton? Would you like a hug?"
— Said in the bus on the way to town

"We've got unpaid passengers here boys."
— Said when there are zombies on the bus.

"No tickey no ridey, jerkball."
— Said when there are zombies on the bus.

Avogadro and Denizens

"The zap weasel is hanging off the bus!"
— When the Avogadro is attached to the bus

"This lightning's making my piercings tingle. All of them!"
— Said when the Avogadro is creating a lightning storm

"Arh, I HATE the smell of lightning!"
— Said when the Avogadro is creating a lightning storm

"There's better things to do than get zapped by lightning!"
— Said when the Avogadro is creating a lightning storm

"What did I do?"
— Said when a Denizen digs a portal after walking under a green light while it was latched on to her

"Ugh... these things cling too good!"
— Said after killing a Denizen that had tried to kill her.

"Nothing good comes out of weather like THAT!"
— Said when the Avogadro is creating a lightning storm

"Maybe I'll stay away from that storm."
— Said when the Avogadro is creating a lightning storm

"You ain't so tough, you ain't so tough at all"
— Said after defeating the Avogadro

"One second it was trying to claw my eyes out, next thing, gone!"
— Said when creating a portal


""Keep your eyes peeled, Marley. I gotta pop a squat behind a bush."
— It is unknown what causes Misty to say this

"All these burnt-out ratholes look the same to me after a while."
— Randomly.

"Again. I get that kinda thing a lot."
— After performing an action that earns a trophy/achievement


"I thought you were supposed to be some kind of real man!"
— Said when Stuhlinger is swarmed

"Would you look at that. No, seriously, look at it!"
— Said when Stuhlinger is swarmed

"So long big baby. I won't miss you while your gone!"
— Said when Stuhlinger is swarmed

"Okay, That's one for you, 78 for me, but yeah, one for you!"
— Said when Samuel Stuhlinger gets a headshot

"You want some lunch, Stuhlinger? 'Cause I'm about to drop a lot of meat for ya!"
— Said to Samuel Stuhlinger when in combat.

Samuel Stuhlinger

Quotation.png Samuel's QuotesQuotationReverse.png


"Gonna have to flip on the lights somehow."
— At the beginning.

"Lets get these lights on people!"
— At the beginning

"Hey, is anyone else... Oh dear. Are the lights out?"
— At the beginning

"It's dark, I hate the dark!...bad shit happens in the dark..."
— At the beginning


"Okay, now you're just making me hungry!"
— After killing a Zombie which hit him

"Killing is my business... and business is good!"
— After killing a zombie with a Ray Gun

"Can somebody help me?! If you do, I promise to tell you what's REALLY going on!"
— While surrounded by Zombies.

"I've got enough bullets, for everyone in Atlantis!"
— While surrounded by Zombies. A reference to Atlantis.

"You act like you're mindless flesh burritos, BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH!"
— While surrounded by Zombies.

"I don't wanna die! I haven't figured out who's behind it all yet!"
— While surrounded by zombies.

"Wait, what's that noise?! OH, IT'S JUST ME SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!! SORRY!"
— While surrounded by zombies.

"Just because I'm paranoid does not mean they're not after me!"
— After surviving an attack from a Denizen or Zombie.

"I disarmed the enemy! Get it? Disarmed?"
— After killing a bunch of zombies with a grenade.

"Question: What makes the grass grow? Answer: Zombie blood!"
— After killing a bunch of zombies with a grenade.

— After killing a zombie with a Zombie Shield.

"Oh no! You don't bite me, I bite you!"
— Said after killing a zombie that hit him.

Downed or Revived

"I don't wanna die face down in someone's spit!"
— Upon being downed.

"I just wish that bimbo wasn't around to see me go out like this..."
— Upon being downed.

"AARGH HELP! One of 'ems got me!"
— Upon being downed.

"I'm dying! I just slipped in the blood of millions of gut gobblers that I killed! Let it be known!"
— Upon being downed.

"I'm going down...for the last time..!"
— Upon being downed.

"I saw...a tunnel of light, an..and my mother was there."
— After being revived

"You only saved my ass because without me you're dead meat and you know it. Mmm, meat..."
— After being revived.

"Samuel J. Stuhlinger pays his debts. Too bad I don't think I owe you a debt."
— After being revived

"I Know what's really going on here. Oh no you don't fool me, no I know ALL about it, all about that secret stuff. Don't you look confused! You know..."
— After being revived

Mystery Box

"Oh, now that's a score! The supernatural box from Atlantis must like you. Oh, wow, okay, I've said too much. "
— Getting the Monkey Bomb from the box. A reference to Atlantis.

"Hey Misty, I found your vibrator."
— Getting the S12 from the Mystery Box.

"I wouldn't spend cash on that box even if I wasn't broke."
— Unable to afford the Box.

"I came here to shoot meat and eat Sandwiches, and I am fresh out of sandwiches!"
— Getting the Ray Gun from the box. Reference to They Live or Duke Nukem.

"I receive a gift from the magical voices."
— Getting the Ray Gun from the box.

"Oh, this'll both kill and cook those barf-garglers!"
— Getting the Ray Gun from the box.

"Hey female, got another girl gun for you."
— Getting a shotgun from the Mystery Box, referring to Misty's preference with shotguns.

"Aww, look at this junk! I KNOW you got something good in there, crate. STOP HOLDING OUT!"
— Getting a bad weapon from the box.

"Oh, are you kidding me? Am I wearing a bra!?"
— Getting a bad weapon from the box, possibly referring to Misty's bra underneath her shirt.

"Great...with my luck, I'll probably decrapitate myself with it."
— Getting a bad weapon from the box.

"Whisky Tango Foxtrot! "
— Getting the Chicom CQB. Spelling WTF with the Military Phonetic Alphabet.

"Huh. I wouldn't use this thing to trim my mustache, and I NEVER trim my mustache...!"
— Getting a bad weapon from the box.

"Oh, just another trick played on my by the conspiracy crate. Ever notice how the conspiracy crate never gives me nothing nice? It's a conspiracy!"
— Getting a bad weapon from the box.

"Ohh, fingers and toes. Hope I don't blow my damn foot off with this thing."
— Getting an RPG/War Machine from the Mystery Box.

"What am I supposed to do? Play tennis with grenades?"
— Getting a War Machine from the Mystery Box

"All these shit shamblers better get to meet their makers. "
— Getting a duel Five-Seven. A possible reference to Lovecraftian tales.


"Huh, I'm gettin' a little too close to click, click, click."
— When running low on ammo.

"Looks like I have been too trigger happy."
— When running low on ammo.

"I need more ammo; AND CHEESE! I need ammo and cheese!"
— When running low on ammo.

"Okay. Shoot first...beg for ammo later."
— When running low on ammo.

"Why am I out of bullets? Hello? Who's responsible for that?"
— When out of ammo.

"I need more ammo... and cheese. I need ammo and CHEESE!"
— Said when running low on ammo.

"Damned nation, I knew I was supposed to buy something, what was... BULLETS! I KNEW IT WAS BULLETS!!!"
— When out of ammo

"Aww, paint-chips! Now I really went and did it!"
— When out of ammo.

"Ugh, there's a reason I carry a knife...this is only one: It's less counting."
— When out of ammo

"I don't need a gun."
— When out of ammo

"I heard they put something in the water to make you forget to count your bullets. It's the game..."
— Said when running low on ammo. Possibly a Half-Life 2 reference.

"Looks like I brought a spoon to a gunfight!"
— Said when running out of Ammo


"Is that some sort of trick of the light?"
— Upon turning on the power and witnessing the Avogadro's release.

"I'm a regular Thomas Fredison, or whatever his name is... was."
— When switching on the power. Referring to Thomas Edison.

"Oh, you like them lights, huh? You're welcome!"
— When switching on the power

"Looks like Samuel J. Stuhlinger isn't so stupid after all."
— When turning on the power

"Well, i guess you can all line up now and thank ol' Samuel J. Stuhlinger."
— After turning on the power


"Ugh, it's like a horse puked in my mouth!"
— Said after drinking Quick Revive.

"I didn't think Samuel J. Stuhlinger could get any louder! Tougher, tougher, whatever."
— Said after drinking Juggernog.

"Yeah! The POWERRR!"
— Said after drinking Stamin-Up.

"Huh! I Just learned Kung-Fu."
— Said upon drinking Speed Cola. Possibly a reference to The Matrix.

"Huh, what was in that, man? Chloride?? CONSPIRACY!"
— Said upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer

"Oh man, that tastes like liquid chalk!"
— Said upon drinking Tombstone


"Uh... uh...  Where is everyone?! Don't leave me!"
— Said when entering the fog.

"I can’t see shit in here!"
— Said when entering the fog.

— After hearing a denizen's scream

"Oh my, what an exciting tour."
— When leaving the fog

"Boy oh boy, that sure was fun, huh?"
— When leaving the fog

"Hey! Can we go back in? Can we? Like, right now!"
— When leaving the fog

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Remember that time that I couldn't remember what it was that I couldn't remember? Remember? Conspiracy! "
— Upon crafting an item.
"Oh... Some kind of um... device... for um... yeah."
— Upon creating the Turbine

"*Quietly* Powered by conspiracy!"
— Upon placing the Turbine

"Wait a minute, you mean...I actually turned something on?"
— Upon placing the Turbine

"Never trust a machine."
— Upon placing a Turbine.

"Yeaha! This will be great for the uh... what you... hah, whatever."
— When finding a part

"I know what this is for, hm. Uh, what is this for?"
— When finding a part

"This is definitely part of that other... thing that I saw that... time."
— When finding a part

"This is definitely a thing."
— When finding a part

" Anything can be fixed by hitting it with a hammer! Rule 38!"
— When finding a part

"If I wanted to build stuff, I would have gone to Build Stuff School!"
— Upon crafting an item.

"Remember the time I couldn't remember what it was I couldn't remember? REMEMBER? CONSPIRACY!"
— Said adding an item to a workbench

"Ohhhh, if this ain't right, I'll just hide it so no-one knows I messed up! Genius."
— Said adding an item to a workbench

"Let's see, let's see, insert Tab A into Slot B then pound it with a hammer! Got it."
— Said adding an item to a workbench.

"I just hope that slut isn't here to see me screw this up!"
— Upon crafting

Insufficient Funds

"Me? I don't have any money, ohh, but the global banking conspiracy can buy themselves ALL the zombies they want, how fair is THAT?!"
— Said when attempting to purchase a door with insufficient funds

"I don't have cash for a gun, but someone's paying the zombies. Oh yeah, they're getting secret government payouts."
— Said when attempting to purchase a wall weapon with insufficient funds


"Uh, what's that thing?"
— Upon seeing the Avogadro for the first time.

"Holy shnikies it's an alien!"
— Upon seeing the Avogadro for the first time. A reference to the movie Tommy Boy.

"AHH WHAT, He shoots LIGHTNING! Where's my lightning gun?"
— When the Avogadro trys to shoot Samuel with lightning.


"I know what the aliens do in their spinning discs!"
— Said randomly.

"The aliens try to talk to me at night, but I'm trying to sleep!"
— Said randomly.

"*Cries* Mommy, i don't wanna die."
— Said when zombies get inside the bus.

"That bridge, was amazing. It's a miracle it's still standing"
— Said when the bus crossed the bridge.

"That didn't surprise me, oh no. I know ALL about those things, I read about how 'they' plant them everywhere."
— After performing an action that earns a trophy/achievement


"Stay alive, Russman! I'll find you!"
— Said when Russman is swarmed.

"Russ! Noooooooooooo!"
— When Russman is swarmed.

"I'm coming Russ buddy!""
— Said when Russman gets swarmed

Marlton Johnson

Quotation.png Marlton's QuotesQuotationReverse.png


"Finally, all my electrical engineering studies will yield results."
— Upon starting.

"Seems like an obvious challenge!"
— Upon starting.

"Preparing this location should be no trouble at all for Marlton! Dun dun dun, engineer of destiny!"
— Upon starting.


"You are the only thing I could ever cradle in my arms without vomiting."
— Said when buying an Assault Rifle.


"Lay on, Macduff!"
— After killing a Zombie. A reference to a line in Macbeth.

"And that spells the end of you!"
— Upon killing a zombie.

"Ah, I did it!"
— After knifing a zombie.

"Turnabout, is fair play."
— Upon killing a zombie that hit him.

"Released from this mortal coil!"
— Upon killing a zombie.

"Ashes... to ashes!"
— Upon killing a zombie.

"Chemical bonds shattered in the most glorious fashion!"
— Upon killing a zombie with a grenade.

"Have I mentioned I despise personal interaction?"
— Said when killing a zombie after being hit.
"I am the very model of a modern major general!"
— Upon killing a zombie. A reference to the Pirates of Penzance.

"I put down chunks of you like assembly code!"
— Upon a bunch of zombies. A reference to the Assembly programming language.

"Come to death by science!"
— Upon killing a zombie with an RPG or grenades.

"Go ahead! Come at me! See if you end up regretting that decision, fiends!."
— When surrounded by zombies.

"Just as long as Russman does not see me expire."
— When surrounded by zombies.

"Jellied fuel will teach you to keep your distance wretches!"
— When killing a zombie with a grenade.

"That is Indeed the explosive compound trinitrotoluene!"
— When killing a zombie with a grenade or Claymore.

Downed or Revived

"The floor, so dirty!"
— After being downed.

"Urrrggaaah, this floor is disgusting!"
— After being downed.

"Thank you for reviving me. Now please, step away."
— After being revived.

"Russman, I will not beg, but I will allow even you to render aid!"
— When downed

"If you let me die, you are only dooming your own efforts of success!"
— When downed

"Oh woe is me! Slain on the most plebeian of transportation by a herd of reanimated husks!"
— When downed

Mystery Box

"The M8A1 automatic rifle with a 5.56mm 32-round magazine could be...ugh, I could just say, 'It's fine.' I guess..."
— Upon receiving the M8A1.

"Now, I am become death, destroyer of worlds!"
— Upon receiving the DSR 50. A reference to Bhagavad Gita and J. Robert Oppenheimer with his famous speech.

"Oh, I would not trade this for all the tea in China. If there even is a China anymore..."
— Upon receiving the S12. Perhaps referencing Die Rise

"You see, to any underdeveloped mind, science is indistinguishable from magic."
— Upon receiving the Ray Gun.

"The Python .357 magnum revolver. No thank you, I have reproductive organs of my own."
— Upon acquiring the Python.

"This seems like a weapon for men with small penises, paging Russman."
— Upon acquiring the Python.

"Ah, seems like a penile substitute for someone like Russman."
— Upon receiving the Python.

"KAP-40...will this thing allow me to 'Kap' the zombies when I get swarmed?"
— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"The KAP, an automatic pistol with the recoil system of a rifle? The designer was indecisive and has created a sub-par weapon!"
— Upon receiving the KAP-40.

"KAP, KAP, I'll be lucky if this thing will allow me to cap myself when I get swarmed by the shamblers."
— Upon receiving the KAP-40. A possible reference to Lovecraftian tales.

"The Executioner...a five-chambered portable shotgun-pistol. Really? I should execute you, you cuboid of chaos, for giving me this unwieldy thing!"
— Upon receiving the Executioner.

"If nothing else is available, I suppose I shall endure it."
— Upon receiving a semi-automatic rifle, such as the FAL or SMR.

"If I wanted a semi-automatic rifle, I'd make one of my own!"
— Upon receiving the SMR.

"Fascinating... C4, insulated wire and a cheap toy and blammo! Crude, but effective."
— Upon receiving the Monkey Bomb.

"Ah, the Soviet RPD light machine gun with a 100-round 7.62mm drum magazine...I will not be changing clips very often."
— Upon receiving the RPD.

"Oh yes, the FAL. First manufactured in 1947 this decrepit old thing is missing only the I in its name, making it more accurately say FAIL."
— When getting the FAL. A reference to the weapon's Pack-a-Punch name.

"I believe it is GO TIME! Is that how one normally says such things?"
— When getting the HAMR. A reference to MC Hammer.

"What is this feeling? Is this FUN?!"
— When killing zombies with the Ray Gun.

"Spectrum! Mighty spectrum!"
— Upon receiving the EMP Grenade.

"Ahh, I can feel myself being bathed in science's holy light!"
— Upon receiving the EMP Grenade.


"My diagnostics skills seem greatly enhanced!"
— Upon drinking Quick Revive.

"Does it make sense that I sense a sense of acceleration to my senses?"
— Upon drinking Speed Cola

"(Very quickly) My coordination has been greatly enhanced!"
— Upon drinking Speed Cola

"Ahh I feel like a virile ox. "
— Upon drinking Juggernog.

"I can sense the longevity."
— Upon drinking Stamin-Up.

"Something odd is going on with my perception of time..."
— Upon drinking Double Tap Root Beer.

"Blech! I don't know what's going on, but I feel as if I need to vomit"
— Upon drinking Tombstone Soda.


"I have no more carrying capacity for ammunition. Oh, that's a good thing!"
— Upon receiving a Max Ammo.

"I have accumulated maximum ammunition! "
— Upon receiving a Max Ammo.

"Atomic fission!"
— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"Fission,'re dead either way."
— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"Lick the atomic light!"
— Upon receiving a Nuke.

"I will now engage in a killing spree!"
— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"HAH! I have been granted the power of death!"
— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"I touch you, you touch the infinite. But I don't like touching you."
— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.

"DEATH TO YOU, Double Points to me. An equitable accommodation."
— Upon receiving Double Points

"Ashes, to Ashes."
— Upon receiving an Insta-Kill.


"Bullet conservation, Marlton, bullet conservation!"
— Said when running low on ammo.

"How could you have forgotten to count your ammunition Marlton!?"
— Said when running low on ammo.

"*Sigh* Why did I fire off all my rounds?"
— Said when running low on ammo.

"Out of ammunition? Disgusting! That means I will have to engage these monstrosities with a blade...uhh..."
— Upon running out of ammo.

"Stand away, necrophages! I do not wish to engage in physical activity with walking disease-lockers!"
— Upon running out of ammo.

"Perhaps it is socialist Stuhlinger, but someone needs to share ammo with me."
— When running out of ammo.

"I must martial my ammunition more efficiently."
— Said when running out of ammo.


"Currency is a fluid medium with no intrinsic value. That's short for I'm broke."
— While trying to buy something without enough money.

"I have no medium of exchange for goods or services."
— While trying to buy something without enough money.

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Portable wind generator, courtesy of your resident genius!"
— Upon creating the Turbine.

"Here. Definitely here."
— Upon placing the Turbine.

"This seems like an ideal placement."
— When placing the Turbine.

"Others may build similar devices, but mine are superior in all fashions thank you."
— After building something.

"I am conserving power in more ways than one."
— Upon placing the turbine

"My creations shall aid all mankind! Well, me primarily but through me all mankind."
— After building something.


"And Marlton says, 'Let there be light!' Aaaaaah! And, of course, with light comes heat and energy."
— Upon turning on the power. A reference to Genesis 1:3

"Education soars to the rescue once more!"
— Upon crafting and then turning on the power.

"Great Tesla coils!"
— Upon turning on the power. A reference to Nikola Tesla's electric coils.


"Russman, run to the storm and see if you can measure the gigawattage."
— Said after the storm begins. A reference to Back to the Future.

"This signals the advent of something very unpleasant."
— During an intense storm.

"I feel safe in asserting that such monstrosities typically do not live inside power cores."
— Upon seeing the Avogadro for the first time.

"There is nothing natural about that weather system!"
— When the storm is occurring

"The lightning is so intense!"
— When the storm starts

"What type of creature could thrive in such an environment?"
— Upon seeing the Avogadro for the first time


"Visibility in here is near zero. What is the point?"
— Upon walking into the fog.

"If I wanted to die, I would have jumped off a bridge!"
— Upon walking into the fog.

"The air is thick with the sounds of carnivorous beasts."
— Upon walking into the fog.

"I cannot believe this is the best route to where we were going."
— Upon walking into the fog.


"This is a place I don't want to remember."
— When entering Nacht der Untoten

"Ahhhhh, this must be the sensation that they called Deja-Vu! "
— Upon getting close to the Pack-a-Punch room
"Uhhh, I have an odd sensory impingement, a union synchronicity if you will! "
— Upon getting close to the Pack-a-Punch room

"We should eliminate these wretches before they damage the vehicle."
— Said when the bus is swarmed.

"Riding the bus seemed like such a good idea at the time.."
— Said when the bus is swarmed.

"You're perfect...*coughs* y-your aim is perfect."
— Said randomly to Misty.

"Odd? I never heard that before."
— Said when getting a Persistent Upgrade.

"Proper study can always yield a good test score."
— After performing an action that earns a trophy/achievement


Quotation.png Russman's QuotesQuotationReverse.png


"If only we had a nerdy science geek to turn on the lights... Hey, Marlton!"
— At the beginning.

"Power's out... Who would've guessed..."
— At the beginning.

"I wonder if any of this electrical shit still works."
— At the beginning.

"I think I'm having cataracts! This is a restaurant, right?"
— At the beginning.


"Russman likes to ride a bus that's relatively zombie-free."
— Said when bus is clear of zombies.

"End of the line already?"
— Said when the bus reaches a stop.

"Here we is! Uglytown! Population: Us!"
— Said when the bus reaches a stop.

"Go catch another bus, sucker!"
— Said when the bus is swarmed.

"Bus is full, catch another!"
— Said when the bus is swarmed.

"Yea c'mon dummys, you chase the bus, see where that gets you."
— Said when Zombies are chasing the bus.

"Well look it here, I think we found a place that ain’t swarming with freak-a-lopes."
— Said when there are no zombies on the bus


"You touchin' me? No you ain't touchin' me."
— After killing a Zombie that hit him


"Ain't no one allowed to touch Russman!"
— After killing a Zombie that hit him

"You no good freak-a-lope!"
— After killing a zombie that hit him

"I'm too old to die!"
— When being swarmed

"Up down, turn around. Killin' a herd of zombies."
— Said when killing a group of zombies with an explosive weapon

"Hah, Space Gun, does it in one."
— Said upon killing a zombie with one hit with the Ray Gun

"One shot, one beeeeeaaauuuuutiful explosion!"
— Said when Killing a zombie with one hit with the Ray Gun

Downed or Revived

"Aw hell, I don't wanna die on no mass transit!"
— When downed

"Ugh, I knew I should have took the train!"
— When downed

"Never ride the bus."
— When downed

"Ohh I'm gonna die looking at gum at the buttom of a bus seat."
— When downed

"Help me! Some dummy's chewin' me up!"
— When downed

"Too slow by a half you damn freak-a-lopes!"
— When revived

"Almost went down for the count... Allll-most."
— When revived

"Back to life, get out my knife."
— When revived

"He who lives and runs away, lives to run another day."
— When revived


"Who's in charge of giving me bullets!? Oh, it's me? Uhh, nevermind."
— After running out of ammo.

"No bullets and I ain't shit in a week? Ugh! Getting old sucks."
— After having no ammo

"My.... wells.... run... DDRRYYYYYYYYY!"
— Said when low on ammo

"Russman's flat out!"
— After running out of ammo.

"Oh mercy mercy Mr. are fresh outta kill-tacs."
— After running out of ammo.

"Stewy! you got some bullets for the old man? I'm plum out!"
— After running out of ammo.

"Russman doesn't like to run outta bullets!"
— After running out of ammo.

"Gettin' low on thunderplugs!"
— When running out of ammo.

"Stewy! Lend me some bullets, im running low!"
— When running out of ammo.


"Aww man! Russman outta cash."
— Said when trying to open a door with Insufficient Funds.

"Russman's flat busted, no gun for me."
— Said when trying to buy a wall weapon with Insufficient Funds.

"Where did I leave my cash?"
— Said when trying to open a door with Insufficient Funds.

"I remember when this used to cost only a dime."
— Said when trying to open a door with Insufficient Funds

"I want some drink you stupid machine! I don't care if I ain't got no money!"
— Said when trying to buy a Perk-a-Cola with Insufficient Funds

Mystery Box

"Uh huh. Magic glowing box that gives out free stuff. I know the devils work when I see it"
— About the Mystery Box.

"Get ready to kiss the sky, necro-fuckers!"
— After getting the War Machine from the Mystery Box (a reference to the song "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix).

"You love it, I love it, I got it from the devil-box!"
— After receiving the War Machine from the Mystery Box.

"You tryin' to say I need a shotgun 'cause I'm old, devil-box?"
— After receiving the S12.

"Haha! This bad boy awake these old bones awake!"
— After receiving the Ray Gun or the RPD.

"That's okay, I don't need your devilish tricks no how!"
— Upon attempting to purchase a random weapon with insufficient points.

"This here is a gun for children, or Marlton."
— When getting a sniper rifle from the Mystery Box


"I bring light and joy to girls and boys!"
— After switching the power on

"Arh, damn that's bright!"
— After switching the power on


"What... the fuck... is that thing?"
— After witnessing the Avogadro being released

"What's that, weird lookin' gnomey thingy?"
— After witnessing the Avogadro being released

"It's too bad he had to leave, he was so much fun."
— Upon defeating the Avogadro


"Full up, wipe out!"
— Said after getting the Max Ammo power up.

— Upon getting the Nuke Power-up

"Two for one on the freak-a-lopes."
— When getting Double Points


"What's that? I heard something..."
— After hearing a Denizen's scream.

"It's like a bad habit you can't get rid of!"
— After killing a denizen latched on him.

"Where are you going? Im still dancin'!"
— Said when a Denizen digs a portal after walking under a green light while it was latched on to him

Finding Parts and Crafting

"Work, damn you!"
— After placing a turbine

"Do it, to it!"
— After placing a turbine

"Blow, man, blow."
— After placing a Turbine

"Come here, you."
— After picking up a Turbine

"Fuck you, Darlington, I can build shit too!"
— Upon crafting an item.

"Maybe I should ask Darlington what this does? Like hell I will."
— When picking up a part

"Hmm, I smell a plan comin' together! Hahaaaaaaaa!"
— Upon finding an item to craft.

"Yeah! Russman don't need no book-learning to build stuff!"
— Upon crafting an item.

"Great Day in the Mornin' This shit fits together!"
— Upon adding a part.

"Probably leave the building to the folks from now on."
— Attempting to craft while prone.

"Ballerina? That looks WAY too hard."
— Attempting to craft while prone.


"It's like I got a whole new hip!"
— When buying Stamin-Up.

"Arthretic fingers are feeling better already!"
— Said upon drinking the "Speed Cola"

"Oh! Strong as an ox!"
— When buying Juggernog.

"Hm, not bad!"
— After drinking Tombstone

"These old knees are bending easy again."
— When buying Quick Revive.


"One day, just one day without killing a bunch of zombies! That's all I ask."
— Said randomly.

"Ough, agh! I got pine needles in my socks!"
— Said when traversing through the forest in between Diner and Farm.

"It's getting too heavy to carry this all the time. I'm old, dammit!"
— Said when putting down a Zombie Shield.

"Give me my stars!"
— After performing an action that earns a trophy/achievement.

"Somebody called down the thunder."
— Said when the Avogadro is creating a lightning storm.

"There is a storm coming.. And hell's coming with it."
— Said when the Avogadro is creating a lightning storm.

Multiple Characters

Short conversations spoken by multiple characters at any given moment.

"See, this is where my plan just went south!"
— Misty
"Take shelter, fair maiden! Ugh, what are you, Marlton, a paladin?"
— Marlton, in response.

Ludvig Maxis

Finding Parts

"That's it! Now, complete the device! Do it!"
— Upon finding the last piece of the Turbine.

Tower of Babble Easter Egg

"Excellent! You have freed it! But now, you must turn off the power. An active power grid will disrupt all communications between us, and make it impossible to accomplish the mission I have for you. Shut down the power."
— After turning on the power for the first time.

"Yes! Outstanding! Now we can continue our other tasks!"
— After turning the power off.

"Nein! The electromagnetic pulse has worn off! You must act with haste. The electrical grid is interfering with my signal."
— When you turn off the power and turn it on again.

"Excellent! You have activated the two obtuse vertices of the scalene. Quickly, complete the tertiary node!"
— When a player places one Turbine under a lamp post.

"You have done well. Now activate the spires' power. Are you circumcized? Oh, hold on-ugh spät (too late)."
— If the step of placing the turbines at the green lights is accomplished before killing the Avogadro under the Pylon.

"Not enough power. Bring additional energy systems."
— When the player(s) only places 1 Turbine at the Pylon.

"Yes, power! We need more of it. But only power which is portable and possibly even alive!"
— When the players place 2 Turbines at the Pylon.

"Ah! Your power supplies are drained, now start again. Portable power devices are running out. You will have to re-do a step. Hurry! You have left power to drain below acceptable levels. Return to the previous locations."
— Said before successfully killing the Avogadro under the Pylon when the Turbines begin to not give power.

"Kill the creature! Kill it now so we may capture its essence."
— When you lure the Avogadro into the Pylon while there are 2 Turbines down.

"Nein! Don't do that! We need the creature's energies! Killing it will only set back your purpose."
— When a player melees the Avogadro.

"You have done well. But yet we need more energy."
— When you kill the Avogadro in the center of the Pylon using an EMP while there are 2 active Turbines down.

"Good. The Trichotomous system is now complete."
— When you finish the Easter Egg.

Unknown Quotes/Cut Quotes

"You! You are not one of those foul creatures! Excellent. I have been searching for decades, listen now. What I have to say is of the upmost importance to mankind. If you would see this planet free from the curse of these wretched undead creatures, and the monster's evil which controls them, you must obey my every command. I cannot defect physical change... Yet. You must be my hands. Only you can stop that awful worm, Richtofen."
— Said to Misty, Marlton and Russman when reaching the Power Plant (unused line)

"The creature is too far away. You need his energies or all your efforts are for naught."
— After the electric Zombie spawns far the Pylon. (unused)

"The creature is near. Lure him to the spire."
— After the electric zombie spawns near the Pylon. (unused)
"This is a great power source! Although, it will have to be amplified. With any higher output, our communications are likely seized. We will require a burst of tremendous voltage!"
— Unknown /potential cut quote.

"You have done well. But we need yet more energy! This is but the tip, of what needs three sides! Now, create the Trichotomous system!"
— Said during the Easter Egg. (Unknown/unused)

"That is but one of the required three points, to complete the design!"
— Unknown/potential cut quote.

"Nothing to see here... for now. Maybe down the road, we will re-visit this place. Such a lovely place..."
— (cut quote)

"It seems some new cargo is aboard and needs to be delivered."
— Unknown/potential cut quote.

"The Spire. The Spire is nearby."
— When you enter the cornfield. (unused)

"We have other ways. This power is too intense for my purpose, I cannot communicate while it is..."
— Unknown/potential cut quote.

"Nein! That makes him stronger! NO!"
— Possibly when shooting the Avogadro. (Unused)

"Yes! the spire is online. Now, if the other sites can only be likewise empowered, then perhaps there is still a chance to complete that which had begun, so many years ago. Your help has been invaluable. Farewell."
— Said when the spire is active (cut quote)

"You have constructed a control mechanism. But to program the computer, you will need to secure an application Navcard. You will have to seek it out then return here and activate the Spire. To save mankind."
— When you complete the NAV table. (unused)

Bus Driver


"Welcome aboard, please secure all personal belongings and take your seat. Now departing for the H.A.A.R.P. research station."
— When entering the bus.

"Welcome aboard Speedway Bus Lines!"
— When entering the Bus..

"Welcome aboard! Please have a seat. Thank you for choosing Consolidated Coach Corporation Bus Lines. We know it is a big decision who you ride with, and we are privileged to have been chosen."
— While getting on the bus.


"It is unsafe to distract the driver while the bus is operational."
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Interfering with proper bus control is unsafe for all passengers."
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Authorities have been alerted to your destructive actions."
— Attacking the Bus Driver.

"Please display courtesy to the automatic driver."
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Vandals will be ejected without a refund."
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Stay behind the yellow lines at all times or you'll be sorry, asshole!"
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Door privileges have been fucking revoked!"
— After the Bus Driver locks the doors due to attacks.

"Warning, warning. Software failure imminent."
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Keep fucking with me. See if I don't crash this bus and kill you all."
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Stay behind the yellow lines or face termination!"
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Hey asshole, I'm telling you to stop or I'm driving you off a cliff!"
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Fuck you, get your ass off my bus!"
— Attacking the Bus Driver

"Fuck you, now I am not stopping!"
— After the Bus Driver skips a stop due to attacks.

"This bus is out of order. A replacement driver has been notified and will be here in approximately one-hundred twenty-three years... We're all fucked."
— When disabled by a EMP.


"Please pay the bus fare in exact change."
— Said randomly.

"'Now crossing the Grand Canyon"
— Said randomly.

"Please remove all baggage from the seat next to you, to make room for new passengers!"
— Said randomly.

"All passengers who engage in violence will be forcefully ejected!"
— Said randomly.

"Passengers must restrain small children when the bus is in motion."
— Said randomly.

"Please do not board or exit the bus while the bus is in motion."
— Said randomly.

"Pismo beach. there's nowhere quite like Pismo beach."
— Said randomly.

"Now arriving at Groom Lake. Last call for Groom lake."
— Said randomly; a reference to the zombies map Moon).

"Bohemian Grove. Put on your hoods and disembark at Bohemian Grove."
— Said randomly.

"Yellow Stone Park. Step off the bus to see beautiful Yellow Stone Park."
— Said randomly.

"Attention passengers, the next stop is the island of Hawaii. You're all going to drown!"
— Said randomly.

"If you look out the windows on your right ladies and gentlemen, you will see the beautiful Great Slate Lake. The greatest freshwater lake in the region."
— Said randomly.

"Attention passengers, please activate clean-suits and disembark for Mount Weather."
— Said randomly.

"Harvard Yard. Everyone off for Harvard Yard."
— Said randomly.

"Ladies and gentleman, we are now arriving at the Fast Flux Test Facility."
— Said randomly.

"Please gather all Top Secret files, and disembark for Deep Springs Gravitational Anomaly."
— Said randomly.

"Now approaching tunnel entrance for Dulce Base."
— Said randomly.

"Grand Central Station. End of the line, Grand Central Station."
— Said randomly.

"Greenbrier Resort. Every one off for Greenbrier Resort."
— Said randomly.

"Darkened Hole in a Cliff just ahead."
— Said randomly.

"Santa Monica Promenade. Ride the Ferris wheel, surf the pier."
— Said randomly.

"Tehachapi Ranch, just ahead. Please gather your biohazard suits if Tehachapi Ranch is your stop."
— Said randomly.


"Error Error - Global Positioning System Navigation error. Maintain current course. Implementing automatic course upgrade protocol."
— Said when arriving at Diner

"Error Error - False transponder non-operational. Defaulting to programmed route cycle. Now arriving Savannah River Tritium K reactor."
— Said when reaching the bridge.

"Error Error - Transport is under attack by city population. Engaging emergency riot software."
— While bus being attacked by zombies


The Bridge

"NO! FUCK! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD GOODBYE! Oh. We made it. Consolidating Coach Corp would like to remind you to stay calm in any emergency situations."
— Said when crossing the bridge for the first time.

"Broken Bridge to nowhere, coming right up!"
— Said when they are crossing the bridge

"HOLY CRAP! THE BRIDGE IS GOING DOWN! Wait, it stopped. Let's just test its structural integrity by continuing to drive this heavy bus over it, shall we?"
— Said when crossing the bridge for the first time.

"Falling down depths of a broken bridge ahead, been there, done that!"
— Said when they are crossing the bridge

"If you look to your left, you will see the river of lava that we appear to be falling into. Time to panic!"
— Said when crossing the bridge for the first time.

"Now as we drive over through this collasping bridge, please remember there is no afterlife that your loved one will be joining you in!"
— Said when they are crossing the bridge


"What could go wrong in a darkened Diner with gasoline covering the ground?"
— When arriving at the Diner.

"What could go wrong in a darkened diner in the middle of nowhere?"
— When arriving at the Diner.

"Now approaching a run-down gas station and a diner filled with undead things which wanna kill you!"
— When arriving at the Diner.

Power Station

"Abandoned power facility just ahead. What could go wrong?"
— When arriving at the Power Station.

"Abandoned power facility up ahead. Disembark and light up the neighborhood why don't 'cha?"
— When arriving at the Power Station.

"I'd warn you about this place, but I doubt you'd listen."
— When arriving at the Power Station.

Bus Depot

"New route announcement engaged. Now approaching Consolidated Coach Corporation bus depot."
— When arriving at the Bus Depot.

"Next station: decrepit bus stop filled with undead."
— When arriving at the Bus Depot.

"All off for a one way trip to Deadsville!"
— When arriving at the Bus Depot.


"You could disembark for a nice walk in the forest here. I'm sure there's nothing that wants to kill you out there."
— When passing by the forest.

"Mysterous and dangerous forest just ahead!"
— Said when driving through between the diner and the farm

"And yet, another mysterious and dangerous forest just ahead!"
— Said when driving through between the power station and the town

"Go ahead, get off here! See how long you last!"
— Said when driving through between the diner and the farm for the 5th or more times


"Everyone off the charming country cottage covered with creeps!"
— Upon entering the Farm.

"Everyone off for Charlie's country cottage covered with creeps."
— Said when arriving at the farm for the 4th time. Second repeat.

"One road cannibalism zone, coming up next!"
— Said when arriving at the farm for the 5th time

Edward Richtofen


"*Coughing* Excuse me, just getting used to the aether. Wreaks havok on the pipes. Ah, right."
— When the first power up is picked up in a TranZit match with a new player.

"Max Ammo!"
— When getting a Max Ammo power-up.

— When getting an Insta-Kill power-up.

"Double Points!"
— When getting a Double Points power-up.

— When getting a Carpenter power-up.

— When getting a Nuke power-up.


"Nyahahahahaha, bye bye!"
— When a player gets a teddy bear from the Mystery Box.

"Fetch me their souls..."
— On a Hellhound round if the host has enabled Hellhounds in a Custom Match.

Tower of Babble

"Ah, good job, wunderbar! You've done well, my friend. But this is not a sprint. This is un marathon. Of your group, you are the only one who seems to be able to hear me, so you must convince your deaf friends to heat up the obelisk! Setting a puny fire will not be enough. It must reach an extreme temperature. Now, if only you knew how to build a portable engine of some sort which might grow very hot. Hmm, some sort of jet engine with an afterburner? Oh what, you do? Oh, goody goody! So, why are you still standing here listening to voices in your head? Get to it, schweinehund, or Maxis will kill you all!"
— Said to Stuhlinger when the power is turned on for the first time.
"Verdammt! idioten! (damnit fools!) You need the power! Make for the flicker flicker again dummkopf!"
— Said to Stuhlinger when the power is turned off.
"Ja, ja! I can feel the tingling in my toesies."
— Said when the power is turned on again after it has been turned off.

"Ahh that is the last piece! Now you have everything you need to make the jet engine. Quickly!"
— When the last part of the Jet Gun is picked up.

"Excellent! Your skills are superb. Now get this thing to the obelisk! We must hurry, for Maxis is a busy little beaver, und the dam he builds will (high pitched) kill you all! Trust me!"
— When the Jet Gun is built.

"You fool! The obelisk must be hot! Very, VERY hot! Like me... ahhhhh."
— When killing zombies with explosives under the Pylon before successfully completing the step in which you destroy the Jet Gun

"Idiots! You have missed a step somewhere! First the hot, then the flesh, then the electricity. You are almost useless. If I wanted a mindless thing to save the Earth I would send a zombie!"
— When throwing an EMP on a lamp without completing a previous step.

"Nein schwachsinnige (half-wit)! Try again! The obelisk must be as hot as you can make it! So hot...!"
— When pulling out the Jet Gun under the Pylon while it's not fully charged

"Now we need the 115, and the only place to get that is from the flesh. THE FLEISCH! You must wrest the 115 from the undead by killing them. Oh, boy, do you need a bunch of it. Get busy!"
— When the players successfully completes the step in which they destroy the Jet Gun under the Pylon.

"That is a large group of lebenden toten (undead). Now lure them to the Obilisk, then make them go boom!"
— Said when a large group of zombies has been gathered after the Jet Gun step has been completed

"Ah, wunderschön (beautiful), but now too much power is flowing into the obelisk. You must reduce the incoming power by a factor of four!"
— After killing enough zombies with explosives under the Pylon for the Tower of Babble EE

"Eins, zwei, drei, vier! Jawohl (1-4, yes)! Reduce the electricity now, reduce it all at once."
— When four teleporters show up.

"Almost. All four must do it simultaneously. Together, idiot, TOGETHER! Must I do everything? Look how much I do for you already. It's the least you could do to save your pathetic planet. I swear some people, no ability to work as a team."
— When the players fail to throw an EMP grenade into the teleporters at the same time.
"Ja, ja, you did it! Soon this beautiful planet will be healed once more, und the flesh will cover the Earth... Ahh-what a glorious day that will be for you. You will be the hero that has saved all of the Earth, for me to play with! Hahahahah!"
— When completing Tower of Babble.

"Ja, das ist gut (Yes, that is good)! You have accomplished much, but to activate the computer, you must have the little Navcard thingy, which plugs into the computer thingy. Don't worry your little head about what it does or how it works, just go find it!"
— When Stuhlinger builds the NAV table.

Cut Quotes

"Oh look! You got the Wunderwaffe DG-2! HA! Just kidding! Hahahah!"
— Unknown
"It's like playing "Don't Touch the Lava", but with real lava! Ahahaha."
— When getting burnt by lava.
"Is that really all the damage those missiles did? I was hoping for less ground, and more lava."
— Unknown
"I remember doing that just to anger that little girl!"
— When throwing a Monkey Bomb into the lava.
"Oh, his screams are so delightful."
— When throwing a Monkey Bomb into the lava.
"Ah, this building looks familiar..."
— Unknown (Possibly when going to the Prototype)
"No power, no Juggernog. You have it easy compared to how they had it."
— Referring to when Juggernog loses power, rendering the perk useless to those who bought it.
"That gift was just for you, und you threw it away!... I think I'm offended."
— Unknown
"It looks like a Max Ammo, but I can can't be sure, I can only see everything at the same time."
— Unknown
"You know, I used to be in your shoes, then I became an all-powerful, omnipotent being! Hahahahaha!"
— Unknown
"Speed Cola! Oh, how I miss that invigorating taste."
— When getting Speed Cola
"Ah! Ze best drink of them all!"
— Unknown
"Ja! JA! JAWOHL! It's so hot that it's burning up! Ahhhhhh! Sexy! Sexy!!"
— Unknown/unused
"Sometimes my pretties need help... ATTACK!!!"
— Unknown
"Drop one of these right here und..."
— Unknown

Bus Depot Automated PA system


"The red zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only, no parking is allowed in the red zone."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"Clean up required in the men's restrooms. Station personnel please report to the men's restroom."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"Speedways Bus Lines does not allow solicitation in its waiting areas. Please do not give money to peddlers."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"All persons waiting in the Speedways Bus Lines terminal must be holding a valid ticket."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"For your safety, please stay clear of the mechanical repair bays."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"All children under the age of seventeen must be accompanied by an adult."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"Bathroom stall fraternization is strictly prohibited. Speedways Bus Lines personnel are patrolling at random intervals."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"There is no sleeping allowed on the bench seating."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"Please do not block the aisles with personal belongings."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.

"Please alert station agents to unattended baggage or packages."
— Said randomly when a player is around the Bus Depot.