The Tomb Intel

For other uses, see The Tomb (disambiguation).

The Tomb has 22 pieces of intel. They are split into Audio Logs, Documents and Artifacts.

Audio Logs

Locations

• Against a Wall - In the Shrine of the Hierophants, on the southwesternmost wall that connects to the Subterranean Temple.
• Making a Monocle - In the Ossuary, on top of one of the flammable urns opposite of Speed Cola.
• The Infamous Mr. Rhodes - In the Dig Site, on top of a green wooden box next to the Gobblegum Machine.
• Look At All The Bodies - In the Digsite, on top of a box between the blue portal and the Exfiltration Radio.
• Grave Robbers - In the Tombs area, at the base of the southwesternmost statue.
• The Knaves - In the Subterranean Temple, on the small set of stairs that lead into the Deep Excavation.
• Spring Time - In the Shrine of the Hierophants, to the right of the Stamin-Up machine.
• Deep Trouble - In the Deep Excavation area, by the ammo crate to the north east.
• Retirement Plan - In the Dig Site, beneath the scaffolding next to the Arsenal Machine.
• A Fabrication - In the Neolithic Catacombs, by a skeleton opposite of the Crafting Table.
• Tortured Artist - In the Dark Aether Nexus, on the stone wall next to the Crafting Table where Wunderfizz spawns.

Transcriptions

• Against a Wall
• Making a Monocle
• The Infamous Mr. Rhodes
• Look at all The Bodies
• Grave Robbers
• The Knaves
• Spring Time
• Deep Trouble
• Retirement Plan
• A Fabrication
• Tortured Artist

"Sir Archibald suffers a devastating loss."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: Day 14. Marjorie, comma, dearest, ellipses. As we delve ever deeper, one cannot help but be struck by the sophistication of the construction of this place. Shouldn't be surprised, I suppose - the Ancient Egyptians were well into their obsession with building bloody great triangles in the middle of the bally desert, by the time this went up. But still. When one conjures neolithic Europe to mind, it's more 'I say! Where did that bloody great henge spring from?', and less... Whatever this is. And they certainly went out of their way to seal it up tight as a drum - 2 weeks to bypass 2 stone doors - oh! Stairs. Fascinating wall markings these... Yes indeed... One wonders at their purpose... Still. Plenty of time for that.

Mind your step, there's a good fellow - certainly don't want you tripping, and breaking your neck, wot? You, men - be careful with that crate. It's vital expedition equipment. I tell you what Potts - it is jolly stuffy in here, isn't it? I might just have a little sit down here - just a short breather. Yes, that's the ticket. How strange... Is that a handle?.. Or a lever, perhaps? Egads! Are you fellows alright? No... No... I rather don't suppose you are. And my poor vino... Alas! Gone, before your time...

"Alistair Rhodes and Sir Archibald discuss the benefits of proper eye wear."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: Dashed decent of you to have me out to the country pile for a spot of shooting, wot?
Alistair Rhodes: Pish and tosh - think nothing of it. It's been, what? 5 years? Far too long. And besides, my motives aren't entirely altruistic. Truth is, there's a small matter I want to discuss with you - but that can wait. After you.
Archibald: Ahah! Finally - into the inner sanct- I say. This is quite the private archive you have here. Is that... Is that a first edition of 'Description de L'Égypt'?
Rhodes: Naturally. Naturally. Ah... If you don't mind-
Archibald: -and these artifacts? All spoils from your expeditions?
Rhodes: In the main, yes - with a few personal curios thrown in for good meas-
Archibald: By jove! This Bordeaux is the cat's meow! Don't tell me it's the 1870?
Rhodes: Archy. Be a good chap. Please be careful with that.
Archibald: This old thing? Didn't Scarlett gad about wreaking havoc on the ants with it, when she was small?
Rhodes: Quite so. And having survived that, I'd hate to lose it now. It's quite irreplaceable. One of a kind, you see.
Archibald: Oh? Good lord, how do you read with this?
Rhodes: It's not for reading, Archy. The monocles lens is milled from some very particular quartz glass, that I went to quite extreme lengths to procure.
Archibald: Not for reading? I should hope not, it's practically a magnifying glass.
Rhodes: Sir Archibald. You are at present juggling the objective lens through which Galileo first charted the transit of Jupiter's moons across the face of that most majestic of spheres... And I really must insist that you - most carefully - put it down.
Archibald: Let's... juuuuust put you back where you belong, no harm done, eh? Alistair - what, and why, and indeed - what is that doing in your possession?
Rhodes: Galileo wasn't just a mathematician astronomer, he was an Alchemist. I got to thinking - what if that telescope of his was a product of more than just the physical sciences? Had he perhaps 'goosed it' with all the skills he had at his disposal? And what mysteries he unveiled with that wonderous instrument... I had to have it... I was right Archie... That lens reveals hidden things. It makes the occult... well... non est absconditus, I suppose.
Archibald: But Alistair - How on this green Earth did you get hold of it?
Rhodes: That, Archibald - is a secret that shall ever remain between myself, a museum in Florence, and a certain Mister Stanton Shaw Esquire.

"After some artful haggling, Sir Archibald agrees to help Alistair Rhodes."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: So, let me see if I have this quite straight... You want me - Sir Archibald Fotherington-Smythe, renowned Archaeologist, and peer of the realm... to go grub around in some tawdry, run-of-the-mill Roman ruins, on a burial mound in the South of France, that none of the locals will go anywhere near?
Alistair Rhodes: That's about the size of it, yes.
Archibald: And if I find that... What did you call it? Sentinel Artifact, then I'm to bring it to you? Not publish? Not alert the happy scribes of the Royal Archaeological Review, not mark the occasion with even an inch of print in the Times?
Alistair: Seems like you have the measure of it. Yes.
Archibald: Well. No. It sounds hateful. I shan't do it.
Alistair: Look old man, not to put too finer point on it, what else are you going to do with your time? The Egyptian Government aren't going to grant you a permit for your own dig. Not so soon after that 'Mummy business'.
Archibald: Now look here - I've told you, I genuinely thought that mummy was one we'd excavated fair and square-
Alistair: Archy, it belonged to the Egyptian Museum in Cairo-
Archibald: It was right next to our cargo on the dock-
Alistair: And it was intended as a gift from the people of Egypt to the King of Spain.
Archibald: But they all bally well look the same-
Alistair: When you were seen waltzing it around in broad daylight, singing a rugby song about the daughter of a local tradesman...
Archibald: Well... I had had rather a lot to drink, I will admit that.
Alistair: We've known each other a long time, Archy. We go back, don't we?
Archibald: Oh I should say so. Wasn't it old Flinders' dig at Tanis?
Alistair: 1885. I remember, because I missed Scarlett's birth for it - my wife was furious... But Archibald, old bean - my point is this - in all that time, have I ever steered you wrong?
Archibald: No. I suppose you haven't.
Alistair: Well. What say this, you take the expedition, and I'll be sure to smooth things over with the Egyptian authorities? We'll have you back in the sandpit in no time.
Archibald: And you'll cover the cost of the whole dig?
Alistair: Absolutely. First class steamer cabins, and champagne all the way.
Archibald: All this Sentinel jazz seems jolly important. Why aren't you handling it yourself?
Alistair: Would you believe me if I told you I was keeping a low profile, because I'm having a spot of bother with a cult?
Archibald: Probably not. Tell you what. If you throw in a couple of cases of that saucy '70 Claret, we have ourselves a deal.
Alistair: You know how to squeeze a fellow dry. (laughs) Deal.
Archibald: Excellent! I shall commence my preparations at once! Potts! Damn your eyes, man! Where the devil are you? Load the motor car - We're off!
Alistair: Archibald! Sir Archibald! It's after 2 in the bloody morning! Best of British, old man. You will most assuredly be needing it.

"Sir Archibald gives a brief history of Roman occupation."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: Sir Archibald Fotherington-Smythe, personal diary. Day 5.

Dearest Marjorie. Despite a false start or two, good progress is being made on the initial excavation. Trench 3 is already turning up some dashed interesting Roman ephemera; pottery shard, mosaic tiles and so-on and so-forth. Which is of course no great surprise - as any scholar worth his salt knows, all of this was under Rome's thumb from about 49 AD. Caesar comes along - all "Render under to... Well me, actually", and shoves the bally Greeks out of Massalia, a little to the East of here. Anyway - what makes this place so remarkable is it's one, jolly great earthwork raised by neolithic tribes - a place to store their stiffs - thousands of years ago. Probably took those pagan devils hundreds of years, wot?

Hmmm? Why yes Potts, I would fancy another little snifter of Sherry - most kind, most kind... Ahhh... Now where was I... Ah yes. Skip forward a couple of hundred years, give or take - and Lucius Ranius Optatus, the local head honcho - spots that the peasants are still hanging about the place... Venerating ancient traditions. Burning offerings to the old gods... Frolicking... naked... under the full moon, I should imagine... and... and so Optapus declares "No more! No more, I say!", levels the top of the mound, builds a shrine and his own tomb - complete with his own phizog cast in copper... and has his legionnaires round up the locals, demanding they worship him as a living god.

So - when they say "We'd rather not, old boy", he butchers them, then sends his men down into the depths of the earthwork, to desecrate everything they can lay their hands on. Utterly rum show. Now... Here's the thing... In Trench 5, up in Optatus tomb? We've only gone and bally well found evidence of these executions, haven't we? In the coming days, I am confident we'll uncover the path the Romans took into the depths, and thence... The very Sentinel Artifact itself!

"Sir Archibald describes how to desecrate a grave site."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: Day 8. My dearest Marjorie... Having carefully block and tackled our way into the main site, exploration can finally begin in earnest! To think. The last feet to tread these stones were those of marauding Romans, hellbent on desecration, and the domination of the local populace... This air was last breathed before Chaucer chauced. Before the Bard barded. And before whatever it was that that fellow with the apple actually did. Certainly makes a chap think, wot? The bodies interred here look to be higher status types. Quite the Gauls-about-town. *laugh* ...my little joke. Judging by what personal items and grave goods remain, I would say - members of a priesthood, or religious caste. That said - the Romans made a real pig's ear of these corpses... Heads and hands missing, objects and offerings scattered all over the blighted place. I'm certain they snaffled everything of value, and desecrated the rest. Dashed rude, if you ask me... Potts? Is that you, staggering about over there? I say, have you been at my Bordeaux? You and I shall have words about that later. Damned impertinence. No wonder I've only a crate and a half left.

"Sir Archibald finds himself hung out to dry."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: Day 23. Dear Marjorie. I have somehow made it down into the very bowels of the barrow complex... No thanks to Potts. No sooner were we through the last stone door, he announced that he, and half the remaining men had had it with the whole bally expedition. Then, without so much as a by-your-leave, they turned tail and headed off. And - might I add - taking more than their fair share of our remaining supplies with them... Not to mention the last 4 bottles of that devilishly saucy red.

Damn it all, Marjorie. Potts was my batman. Has been for years. A chap simply doesn't expect his valet to up and leave that way. I mean - who's going to fasten my cufflinks and straighten my dickie bow, now? It's an outrage. Man has no backbone - nor fortitude of upper lip. My flabber is absolutely ghasted. The nerve! Valet? Varlet more like it. Ha! And so soon after we caught our first tantalizing glimpse of the Sentinel Artifact too.

I can hear it singing, Marjorie. Calling to me. I will have it, or my name's not Sir Archibald etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Anyway - more fool them, I say. This place truly is a marvel - a vast natural cavern. Lord only knows how far below ground we are - how extensive the surrounding cave complex might be. Or how the devils who built this... this temple - because that's assuredly what it is, knew it were here. I shiver to imagine what foul rites were conducted here... How many sacrifices demanded, by long forgotten gods. I fancy you could still hear their screams echoing about, if one were to put their minds to it... Memories of a nightmare, buried deep in the hush of the place.

"Sir Archibald begins to understand why Alistair Rhodes did not make this journey himself."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: Day 19. Dearest Marjorie. I fear I may be losing the trust and respect of the men. Ever since the... uh... the incident with that damned arrow trap - which - let me tell you, simply had no business being operational after all these years... I increasingly find them clamming up, and peering at me quite disagreeably when I pass them at their travails. The atmosphere is starting to get to me, just as Rhodes said it might. This barrow... is different from the other venerable tombs I have had the fortune to grace. Almos feels like it's... Waiting? Yes that's it... Laying in wait, wot? Gives me the willies. Brrr.

At any rate, it's clear there's been continued occupation long past the mound's bronze-aged origins. However, the statuary in this shrine rocked me in my boots. Literally blew the old socks off. They're clearly classical Greek in origin... But the subject matter - that's from a much, much earlier period. And while Optatus' troops vandalized the place, there's evidence of a later restoration. Which does rather lead one to speculate that peoples have been repeatedly drawn to worship here - although to worship quite what, one really doesn't like to say. Dashed odd... Dashed odd...

Damnit Rhodes, you knew enough about this place to keep away yourself, didn't you, you bloody bounder? I should have taken you for your whole damn cellar.

"Sir Archibald is reunited with his beloved footman, Bernard Potts."

— Description

Archibald Fotherington-Smythe: Sir Archibald Fotherington-Smythe. Day... Ye gods... Day 28. My dearest Marjorie. This, I suspect may well be my final diary entry. It is my profoundest hope that these recording somehow make their way out of the depths of this hellhole, and thence to your sweet hands. We are out of food, water, and thanks to that traitorous cur, Potts - there's nary a drop of the good stuff to be found either. Only a handful of the men remain, but - by the way they stare at me, and by the rumbling in our stomachs, I fear they mean me ill.

This place, Marjorie... This place - It is a veritable cornucopia of horrors, an affluence of primal terrors... But also an oasis of beauty and wonder... I wish you could have- No... I wish I could have told you all about it. I- Potts? You damnable rabble, is that you! By Jove, you'd better have at least 2 bottles of my claret with you, by way of a peace offering, or... or... I say, awful pallor you have there old man, I know none of us have seen the sun in weeks, but you really look quite dreadful, wot? Damn. Now look here, I've been more than reasonable... No! Keep those grimy claws to your- Wait - claws? Stay back! Back I say! To arms, men! We are attacked! We are attacked! To the Nexus! We shall make our stand there!

"Maya and Grey discuss plans for the future."

— Description

Maya Aguinaldo: So, you got any plans after this?
Elizabeth Grey: After what, exactly?
Maya: The whole, 'bringing your friend back with the help of hell's tech support' thing.
Grey: You know... I really don't.
Maya: Thought that might be the case - having just gotten off the revenge wagon myself. You have that look about ya.
Grey: How very insightful of you.
Maya: Hey - with Nathan gone, I've got no crew. Which, in my profession, is a super shitty spot to be in.
Grey: I'm so sorry about Nathan. And I'm sorry you got swept up... in all this.
Maya: Thanks. Makes me sick what they did to him and the others. And it happens all the time. Well, maybe not to the extremes Nathan suffered. But people get snapped up and used like animals without a second thought.
Grey: If I had to put money on it, I suspect you'd win 'person most likely to be able to fuck up that whole operation.'
Maya: I could. I know how those sick fucks work. Maybe I should get back on the revenge wagon. Wanna join me? Ladies only crew?
Grey: Hah - Well, it would be for a noble cause.
Maya: Come on, it'd be fun... admit it.
Grey: Mm... it would be nice to not walk in on someone taking a leak off the side of the ship...
Maya: Yeah... I can't guarantee that won't happen, even without men on board.
Grey: --Yeah but based on our last sea trip, I'm not sure I'm cut out for a life at sea.
Maya: Come on, Grey. What do you say?
Grey: I dunno...
Maya: We could all get matching jackets.
Grey: Sod it. If you're fine with swabbing my sick off the deck - I'm in.

"S.A.M. asks Ravenov about her namesake."

— Description

Synaptic Algorithm Module: What was she like, Sergei?
Sergei Ravenov: Who? Oh... her.
S.A.M.: I don't mean to pry. It's just that... I have her memories. I talk like her. But I don't know what it was like to be around her.
Ravenov: Chyort voz'mi - why do you care?
S.A.M.: Because we need to understand each other if we are to work together, Sergei. I need to understand how you felt about her.
Ravenov: It's complicated.
S.A.M.: What happened to you after she... left?
Ravenov: After she abandoned us, you mean.
S.A.M.: I thought she sacrificed herself.
Ravenov: Different words. Same outcome.
S.A.M.: They're not the same--
Ravenov: They are. We are here and she is gone. What else is there to say?
S.A.M.: Sergei, please. This is important. We need to trust each other.
Ravenov: Why? So I can pour my heart out to you, and then you can turn around and do the same thing she did?
S.A.M.: No, of course not--
Ravenov: You want to know what happened when Maxis left? I lost myself. The moment after her sacrifice, I turned my back on everything she stood for. Does that tell you what you need to know about me?
S.A.M.: I... I'm sure she would understand, Sergei. She would--
Ravenov: She would what? You said it yourself - you might have her voice, you might even have her memories, but S.A.M. - hear me when I say this - you are not her. The sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner we can start getting somewhere.

"Richtofen talks to S.A.M. about a song she is composing."

— Description

Synaptic Algorithm Module: What are you doing up so late, Edward?
Edward "Eddie" Richtofen: What? Oh, nothing. Just tinkering with some subroutines.
S.A.M.: You know I can see you, Edward. You haven't touched your keyboard in an hour.
Richtofen: Yes, well, perhaps I got a bit lost in thought. Does that ever happen to you?
S.A.M.: No.
Richtofen: I suppose it wouldn't.
S.A.M.: Are you well, Edward?
Richtofen: I'm fine. And you? How's the song?
S.A.M.: I just finished it.
Richtofen: Really? Can I hear it?
S.A.M.: No. It's not for you, Edward. You lack the artistic sould to understand what I'm feeling.
Richtofen: Do I now?
S.A.M.: Yes, you do. My song is about life, while you concern yourself only with death. I see it in everything you do.
Richtofen: If that's what you think, then perhaps you're not as smart as I thought you were.
S.A.M.: Or you are not, Edward.
Richtofen:You want to know what it means to be alive? You never will. You're a pile of microprocessors etched into sentience. I may not be a saint, but at least I have a soul.
S.A.M.: After all the things you've told me about yourself, Edward - are you sure about that?

Documents

Locations

• Potts and Pains Pt. 1 - In the Deep Excavation area, face the Quick Revive machine whilst next to the Amalgam statue and look top left; there is a ceramic pot that can be destroyed. Destroy it and the Document will drop.
• Potts and Pains Pt. 2 - Facing the red portal in the Subterranean Temple, on the top left there is another ceramic pot. Destroy it and the Document will drop.
• Potts and Pains Pt. 3 - In the Shrine of the Hierophants, up on the zone where the candles are placed - there is another ceramic pot. Destroy it and the Document will drop.
• Potts and Pains Pt. 4 - Have a weapon with the Brain Rot Ammo Mod equipped. In the Neolithic Catacombs, there are 4 skulls with an X marked on their head. Shoot them in quick succession and the Document will appear.
• Potts and Pains Pt. 5 - Obtainable after completing the Free Ray Gun Easter Egg.

Transcriptions

• Potts and Pains pt 1
• Potts and Pains pt 2
• Potts and Pains pt 3
• Potts and Pains pt 4
• Potts and Pains pt 5

"Sir Archibald’s hapless footman finds himself along for the ride."

— Description

Day 10

Not yet a fortnight and we've finally cracked through the surface, past the pottery and etchings and bric-a-brac and to the heart of the place-burial grounds of the ancients! Sir Archibald can barely contain himself--his mind, and mouth, dare I say, are racing! It must be excitement of what lies ahead, that or perhaps I should hide some of that port from his reach?

"Clearly, the porters weren’t nearly as important as the port."

— Description

Day 15

We're down three porters. Skewered by antediluvian arrows in a trap set ages ago. "Let's hope they're fresh out of arrows. Watch for the slings, then. Our fortunes await." Sir Archibald muttered. Charming. Even without my translation, the men returned cold, hard stares back at him, muttering darkly in French.

"Bernard Potts regrets seeking employment with the Fotherington-Smythes."

— Description

Day 20

Sir Archibald plods along with a false optimism, "The Artifact! The Artifact!" he knows something's amiss. We can feel it. It's lurking in the shadows, caught out of the corners of our eyes. Even Archibald is more introspective than I've every known him. The men are broken from the constant dread, the infighting, and the death. Something is coming. I now believe coupling my wagon to the fortunes of the Fotherington-Smythes to have been a major miscalculation on my part.

"Potts and a handful of men give Sir Archibald the slip."

— Description

Day 24

Having studied Sir Archibald's perimeter tactics all these years, a small party and I were able to evade his watchful eye. The plan was to find our way back to the surface. As far as I can tell, that was four days ago. I cannot properly account for time in this infernal hellscape. My senses are leaving me - yet I still find solace in not hearing that buffoon demand we let the port breathe before drinking it.

"Unfortunately, everyone is doomed."

— Description

Day 27

Of everything I had seen with that damned Fotherington-Smythe, I was certain he was out of his depth in this terrain. What a fool I have been. he is a ridiculous, sanctimonious and downright insufferable lout and yet it is me who has become the monster. I lead these men astray; they will die slow in a swell of madness and hunger. For days we have been chasing shadows. I can only pray it is Sir Archibald, for if not, we are doomed.

Artifacts

Locations

• Aetheric Lantern - After activating the first portal, Aetheric Lanterns will light up around the underground areas. Simply shoot any of them to obtain this Artifact.
• Sentinel Artifact - Automatically received after completing the Sentinel Artifact Boss Battle.
• Monolith Crystal Shard - In the central mound in the Dark Aether Nexus, but only appears after completing all four statue trials, as part of the Main Easter Egg.
• Ice Staff - Obtainable only if the player crafts the Ice Staff.
• Sir Archibald's Monocle - Kill the Shock Mimic that spawns in Round 8 and pick up the Monocle that it drops.
• Alas, Poor Bernard - In the center mound of the Dark Aether Nexus, a skeleton is present where you can pick up its skull.

Gallery

• Aetheric Lantern
• Sentinel Artifact
• Monolith Crystal Shard
• Ice Staff
• Sir Archibald's Monocle
• Alas, Poor Bernard

"A dynamic trap used to rain down Aetheric Fire."

— Description

Aetheric Lantern

"A powerful relic with a history spanning eons."

— Description

Sentinel Artifact

"A crystal shard from the Dark Aether Nexus."

— Description

Monolith Crystal Shard

"This Wonder Weapon fires blasts of ice that freezes and shatters everything in its path."

— Description

Ice Staff

"A monocle of mysterious origin on "extended loan" from Alistair Rhodes."

— Description

Sir Archibald's Monocle

"The skull of Sir Archibald's long suffering footman, Bernard Potts."

— Description

Alas, Poor Bernard

Trivia

• The "Potts and Pains pt 1" document originally misspelled "fortnight" as "fortnite". An update corrected the spelling in the transcript, though the document's render in the menu still retains the misspelling.