aka 'Dave', 'Laz' or Dan

  • I live in Derby, England
  • I was born on August 20
  • My occupation is I'm not even sure at this point
  • I am Male

Welcome to Royston Vasey

You'll Never Leave

Papa Lazarous InfoboxEdit

Real me InfoboxEdit


Personal Mywife
- You're MY Wife Now
Personal LazarouDave You can't handle it
Personal LazarouDave Plusnet Useless
- I have (had to) put up with this shit, don't complain about your internet...


  • MW: Level 14
  • WaW: Level 47
    • PC: Prestige 10 Level 65 (Man...Fast XP servers are great)
  • MW2: Level 21
  • BO1: Prestige 6 Level 47
    • PC: Level 1
  • BO1 Combat Training: Level 50
    • PC: Level 50
  • MW3: Prestige 2 Level 77
  • MW3 Survival/Spec Ops: Level 50
  • BO2: Master Prestige
  • BO2 Zombies: Knife Through Skull (Blue Eyes)
    • PC: 1 Bone
  • CoDG: Prestige 10 Level 60 (Max)
  • CoDG Extinction: Prestige 25 Level 31
  • CoDAW: Grandmaster Prestige Master (Prestige 30 Level 50/Prestige 31)
  • CoDH: Level 44
  • BO3 Campaign: Level 20
    • PC: Level 1
  • BO3 Multiplayer: Prestige Master Level 308 [Glitched - yes i cheated because this multiplayer is total shit, fite me]
    • PC: Level 1 (Probably won't play it)
  • BO3 Zombies: Prestige Master Level 270
    • PC: Level 10
  • Infinite Warfare: Prestige 5 Level 6 (Talk about a fuckin' 180 degree turn from "this game is shit")
  • Black Ops 3 V2 Oops...i mean Infinite Warfare Zombies: Level 143 (Sick copy and paste IW <- this point still stands)
  • Modern Warfare Remastered: Level 40something...not playing it again because Supply drops and other bullshit and lies

My LoadoutsEdit


Personal Callofduty4 441px-Playstation3vector.svg
This user owns a PlayStation 3.
PSN logo free This user's PSN ID is DAUK_1996.
' This User got up to round 24 on Nacht Der Untoten with 4 players

Treyarch logo This user thinks Treyarch is a better developer than Infinity Ward.
Personal SXe Fiend Achievement Hunter Logo This user is an Achievement Hunter.
Personal VICE xRebelion ANti Boost This user is a Designated Booster hunter!
Origins poster BOII This user absolutely loves the Zombies map Origins!

Zombie 2 This User got up to round 21 on Shi No Numa with 2 players

MapPack2 This user is a Zombie Slayer!
PCxZR.png This user has gotten to round 40 in Nazi Zombies!
UWFRw.jpg This user loves Der Riese!
Survival Mode Screenshot 1 This user has got to round 30 in Survival Mode!
Default sniper scope reticle This user hates Quick-scoping!
NA-45 menu icon AW
This user loves the's just so good
2,345 LazarouDave has made 2,345 edits on the Call of Duty wiki mainspace, and 540 edits in file space. 540

AC-130 inventory icon MW2 This user has Rollback!


Gold Camouflage single player menu icon BOII
This user has earned Gold Camos on All Guns in Black Ops II, Ghosts and (Diamond) in Advanced Warfare

Gold M16A4 in MW3 2 Times Diamond EVERYTHING in Black Ops 2

Gold EVERYTHING in Ghosts

Royalty Everything!! in AW

Dark Matter (Legit on FFAR, MX Garand, Banshii, RSA Interdiction, Shotguns, Vesper and Launchers) in Black Ops 3


Quotes from people and other things (That i find amusing)Edit

"Nope" - TF2 Engineer (Also, this

"I'm not buying that door" - Black ops zombies loading Intel

EVERYONE GET DOWN! Oh, no wait...false alarm" - Samuel Stuhlinger throwing a Time Bomb in Buried.

"Five....Seven.....Shouldn't there be a 'Six' in there somewhere..." - Samuel Stuhlinger getting a FiveSeven in Buried

"Did i accidentally a war?" - Alucard in the TeamFourStar abridged version of Hellsing.

"Get that Bitch a Cannon...Bitches love Cannons..." - See above

"Eeny meeny miney mo, i will shoot you in the toe...UND THE FACE!" - Edward Richtofen when Pack-a-Punching on Ascension

This level of panic...
Enemy AC-130 above Spetsnaz MW2

Grif "What about HD DVD"

Sarge "Bad marketing, not enough repeated letters in the name to be catchy, so it's being replaced with HHDDVVDDBVD" - Red vs Blue Go Go Gadget special.

IMFDB Quotes regarding CoD series

  • "Note that "AMR" somehow stands for "automatic pistol rifle," so presumably it fires entire Beretta 93Rs at people." - IMFDB on the AMR9
  • The MW3 M4 with a fake M203, seen during a demonstration of the all-important levitating fish hurricane mechanics. - IMFDB on the M203
  • Following a failed attempt by Dignity Battalion to give Woods a suspiciously undignified death-by-baseball-bat, he takes a moment to look over their sidearms, figuring they must have mistaken him for whoever sold them revolvers with no triggers. - IMFDB on the 'Generic Revolver'
  • Earlier during the first part of "Time and Fate" when Menendez is the player character, the starting weapon is a SPAS-12. Menendez largely alternates between this and hitting people with a machete while shouting "arrrrgh!", and after firing beyond 3 shells he can reload the SPAS almost instantaneously, apparently just by being really angry at it. - IMFDB on CoD Logic
  • At the start of "Achilles' Veil," what appears to be a spawning bug causes many of Menendez's men to have AN-94s without magazines. While this in itself might indicate they are ceremonial, the AN-94 is not noted for being able to fire without a magazine inserted as one man in the background is currently doing. The militiaman with the missile launcher seemingly believes he is holding an RPG-7, given his hand positions. - IMFDB regarding the AN-94 magazine glitch in Achilles' Veil
  • Weasel holds an M14 as he ponders what passes for normality in Zombies mode. - IMFDB regarding Cerberus' head coming out of the wall.
  • Section wields a futurised GAU-19/A as he vows to infiltrate the jungle base in the loudest manner he possibly can. - IMFDB about the Future Death Machine in Celerium
  • Mason holds an M60 as he watches one of his allies attempting to threaten a large rock. This went about as well as one would expect it to. - IMFDB Picture with an AI team mate attacking a rock.
  • Mason sets the Cratering Charge. Precisely where or why he was carrying it in the first place is not clear. - IMFDB
  • An RGD-5 grenade is visible among Woods' gear as he complains about the inexplicable presence of sand in Afghanistan. - IMFDB on "Sand, Sand and more fucking sand
  • Using videogame logic, he correctly determines that if a weapon isn't loaded to begin with it can't run out of ammo, and is soon merrily blasting away using his invisible thumbs to operate the trigger. - IMFDB
  • Section takes a much dimmer view of sentry guns, since they are usually trying to murder him. - IMFDB
  • The "Stealth Chopper" aims its M197 Vulcan during a rare moment of not flying like a drunk in a hurricane. - IMFDB on the Stealth Chopper
  • Woods sights up the gunner of the ZPU, who, in addition to his AA gun, is apparently in possession of the dreaded levitating FAL. - IMFDB remarking on a ZPU controller having a Floating FAL next to them.
  • Mason sights up a BTR-60 in "Old Wounds" with his futuristic SAM, the BTR looking distinctly unimpressed as Mason belatedly realises that he can't fool this SAM into blowing up tanks. - IMFDB
  • Mason and the Mujahideen determine that charging tanks and aircraft with horses is in some way a good idea and ride for Kravchenko's giant silly land battleship, the BTR on the right firing its gun as the one on the left is destroyed by a stray bolt of logic. - IMFDB on appalling logic + Magic Death Beam killing a BTR in Old Wounds
  • Woods locates a mounted RPD in "Suffer With Me," wondering what manner of incredible glue technology has been used to achieve this. - IMFDB remarking on a poorly mounted RPD
  • Our skydiving protagonist takes "two is one and one is none" to a new level when he carries an AUG to complement his primary weapon: another AUG. You know, in case one explodes or something. - IMFDB noting how Hudson has 2 AUGs in WMD
  • Beta Steyr AUG without foregrip in hands of Agent Weaver. Note how he's holding it by the barrel; a bad idea in real life... - IMFDB noting how Weaver is holding the AUG by the barrel...
  • Agent Weaver with a Steyr AUG in the final version of the game. Note the foregrip, the presence of which Weaver seems to still be ignoring. - IMFDB noting how Weaver STILL holds the barrel despite the presence of a Grip.
  • Despite that in real life the HS-10 features a warning label that reads, "Caution: Do not fire from left shoulder" due to the ejection port's location, when it is dual-wielded, could easily result in hot brass (or, rather, plastic) flying in your face. - IMFDB about not duel wielding the HS10
  • A member of the Cuban Revolutionary Armed Forces (called "Tropas" in game) fires the M134. How the communist nation of Cuba got their hands on an American made minigun is what can only be described as "Treyarch logic". - Regarding the Minigun being in Tropas hands
  • The player character in Survival guns down some villains at the tube station with his Brügger & Thomet MP-9, grumbling about how it's always like this on Mondays. - IMFDB joking about Mondays on the Underground
  • One-off character Burns holds a P90 as he and other SAS soldiers fight a running gunfight with terrorists on a subway train. While most passengers at this station run for cover, one man seems to just be annoyed the gunfight is late again. - Regarding the chase in Mind the Gap and the distinctly unimpressed individual civilian AI
  • Westbrook holds his suppressed MP5A2 as he wonders when "modern" warfare came to involve naval engagement ranges more normally associated with galleons. - Noting the presence of Galleons during Hunter Killer
  • Yuri holds a mutant Striker as he ponders whether it will help him fight off a sandstorm. - Referring to the Sandstorm in Return To Sender
  • The player character in multiplayer reloads the M203 mounted under his M16A4. Note the fire selector set to "look I just broke the fire selector." - Noting the broken fire selector on the M16A4
  • Westbrook reloads his Mk 14 Mod 1 as he is assaulted by what appears to be a kamikaze trashcan.- Noting a Drum-shaped item on the left of the capture.
  • LTG Shepherd loading his Anaconda before helping the player get up. Note that even though Shepherd is a Lieutenant General in command of an elite Special Forces unit engaged in a heated battle he doesn't feel the need for any protective gear. Furthermore a high caliber revolver isn't exactly standard issue as a sidearm. No superior officer should be allowed to conduct such reckless behavior unless they were bulletproof. - Noting how Shepard thinks it's OK to go out into a warzone with no "real" protection and a .44 Magnum.
  • The mounted Barrett during the level "Of Their Own Accord". Even though it is equipped with a standard scope, it has a thermal sight. This particular Barrett is also equipped with proprietary levitation technology, allowing it to hover above the ground while being attached to a ledge. - Gravity issues with a Barrett .50 cal
  • A Brazilian militiaman with an SVD takes careful aim using his right nostril. - Regarding AI not using the right body part to aim.
  • Steyr AUG with A1 scope and olive body in first-person view. Note that the left side ejection port is not covered, this means the shooter should be getting hot brass in the face. - Denoting an open ejection port on the AUG HBAR.
  • Soap holds a Micro Uzi as he discovers a Russian soldier using the dreaded Ostrich Technique. - Enemy russian soldier doing what looks like a headstand in CoD4.
  • A player about to pull the pin on an M67 grenade and throw it. The grenade, not the pin. - Throwing the wrong part of an M67 could be lethal.
  • A player with the MP5K trying to decide if 9x19mm rounds will take down an AV-8B Harrier II. The obvious answer: OF COURSE IT WILL!" - A player with an MP5K in CoD: Online looking up at a harrier.

What I Dispise and/or LoatheEdit

  • Activi$ion
  • Tryhards
  • Quickscopers
  • Activi$ion
  • OP Weapons that EVERYONE USES that don't get nerfed (i.e Honey Badger, Ripper, AN-94, BAL-27, ASM1 etc.)
  • Squeakers (Kids on Mic that won't shut up, the number of those i have muted...)
  • Dropshotters
  • Activi$ion
  • Timing Out when i do REALLY well...
  • My internet (unrelated but it is the root of all evil.......and lag)
  • Corner Campers (Who even likes those guys)
  • Activi$ion
  • SMG's being better than Snipers
  • People who complain about snipers Hardscoping, THAT's WHAT YOU ARE MEANT TO DO!
  • Hackers
  • Glitchers
  • Activi$ion
  • Cheats
  • That annoying text that comes up when it a hacked lobby (I don't care where you got your damn mods from!)
  • My anger issues, it costs me so much in controller spending...
  • People who think they are funny by trolling
  • My hate of things i hate, and the fact i hate my own hate (that makes sense)
  • The Sharks on "Into the Deep"
  • Panic Knifers
  • Tracker Sight/Target Finder (Find your own targets noob)
  • Unstealthy players following me when i'm being stealthy
  • Trickshotters (360 NoScope Self proclaimed 'Pros')
  • Infinity Ward not Nerfing OP weaponary (See MTAR-X and Honey Badger, it's so important, i thought i'd mention it twice)
  • Self proclaimed 'Proz BeAS7moD3'
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion
  • People who type their Online ID while being struck by lightning. E.g. zZz_I_BeastZZZ_I_zZz (Random example, not a real person, i hope)
  • Being shot through walls that are blatantly far too thick to shoot through
  • People who spray in smoke and kill me...
  • WaW 'Nade Spam
  • Free Fall's crappy, god awful spawns.
    • Not to also mention that ONE SECTION OF ROOF that blocks your Care Package, even if you threw it miles away from it.
  • Strikezone being Dome in disguise
  • Most non-metal music
  • Activi$ion
  • Youtubers who think we give even the slightest shit about their channels.
  • Noobs in Extinction (Challenge Failers)
  • People who are being shot by 5 other people, whilst i am not one of them, i still die every fucking time.
  • Unhelpful teammates in Search and Rescue who leave your tags when they are 1 millimeter away from them, who then get killed at we both die...
  • Ghosts Lies: The in-game tip saying. "Want more control of your killstreak helicopter? Hop into the AAS-72X as a Helo Pilot." When it is inaccurate as fuck.
  • Getting a Loki in a Care Package and having it Stolen...
  • Getting Killed by my own Care Package when it acts like a bouncy ball.
  • Being conned in Ghosts, because my killstreaks are crap, see below.
    • Trinity Rockets that belong in the recall room. They have "Smart" drones and it's made of paper, so it blows 500 miles south, and misses the target.
    • Guard Dogs from the home of retarded German Shepherds.
    • Support Squadmates that came from a Failed Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
    • Battle Hinds from the Military Second hand depot.
    • Ballistic Vests from the Second Hand Shop.
    • Sentry Guns with a Damaged targeting system.
    • Vulture Drones that die by one bullet and can't kill anything.
    • Maniac Suits which turn out to be made of paper
    • Juggernaut suits that are already bullet riddled.
    • Helo Pilots that have dodgy rotors.
    • MAAWS Launchers that lock on, but have rockets fuck off elsewhere.
    • Air Superiority A-10's that are piloted by the Visually Impaired.
    • Helo Scouts that give me a hitbox the size of Russia.
  • I see you've called in 5 Care Packages...........SAT COM, SAT COM, SAT COM, SAT COM, SAT COM! **Enemy Teams calls in 1 CP*..."Enemy Control Loki overhead"..........Rage quit... 
  • Activi$ion
  • Spawn Trappers
  • Sensitivity 1
  • Sensitivity 20
  • Pointless Updates
  • People who say CoD is copied and pasted, and they play FIFA................Need i say more?
    • I'll make an exception if they are talking about Infinite Warfare
  • Looking back on my talk page and realising what a cunt i was...
  • People who use Hellstorm Missiles and Trinity Rockets like they are using a Predator Missile.
  • The FaZe Clan
  • The Optic Clan
  • The Team Kaliber Clan
  • Activi$ion
  • ANY other fucking "MLG" cunts
  • EMZ
  • Nigerian Infantry Gear
  • Sentinel Medic Gear
  • You know what, ALL gear which it's class is Enlisted Only...
  • Pre Patch ASM1
    • Post Patch ASM1 (It's still OP)
  • Carrying a team that still fails (e.g. When i go 28 - 2 and we still lose...)
  • Activi$ion
  • Putting on high streak items after multiple games with long streaks, then no longer being able to get them.
  • The cancerous being that is Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare
    • It's 99.9% copied off other games, the multiplayer is basically ripped straight from Black Ops 3
    • Glitched trophies and an Easter Egg so tumourous that i'm actually calling it more bullshit than Mile High Club on Veteran
      • The fucking SetiCom is impossible in solo and the Alien fight is just flat out impossible without glitching.
      • On that note - Boss Battle, whoever thought that game mode was a good idea...just fucking die, it's the biggest pile of wank in the known universe - you go down once, it's over, that it, goodbye, now just go back to the arcade and buy all your perks agai...oh wait, nah you don't need Jugg/Tuff Nuff to complete this, that'd be ridiculous...
    • The TTK is just as bullshit as Ghosts was
    • Infinity Ward added zombies instead of continuing with their actually likeable original storyline that was Extinction - talk about lacking fucking originality you cunts
      • But then they brought them back in "The Beast from Beyond - a shoddy excuse for a map, where the Cryptids kept their jumping ability, but instead of having a reasonable amount of health to combat them, you are a 3 hit down - making the map near fucking impossible without Director's Cut on Solo.
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion
  • Activi$ion (No seriously, i genuinely fucking hate them and their shady as fuck practices)
  • My Existence

You get the idea

Venting hate about things that i know people don't care about...see above...Sometimes i don't even know why i play CoD, but i'm not great at Battlefield (Except as a Commander/Hacker), so it fills the gap :P

What i approve ofEdit

  • People with Rare/Uncommon/Hard to earn Patches and Backgrounds
  • People using Underappreciated Guns
  • Black Cats (Legit the absolute best campaign mission in Call of Duty...ever)
  • TEH UZI in BO1!!!!
  • Counter Camper-ing
  • Counter Sniping
  • Counter Countering (Countering a Counterer)
  • Counting the Counts of things i like Countering
  • Extinction
  • Zombies
  • PC Console Modding in Solo Games.
  • Listening to some Avenged Sevenfold, Shinedown, The Blackout, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Dream Theater, U.D.O. etc. while playing.
    • Spotify - Seriously...i'd normally have maximum of 700~ songs on my tablet...and i had 2000+ in my first week on Spotify!
  • Trolling Boosters
  • Diamond Camos
  • Spec ops Mission Firewall is MW3 when playing as the Turret, who doesn't like that, right?
  • Getting 5 Gryphon Drones in one game of Drop Zone. :D
  • Guardians, they're actually underrated.
  • Using EMP Systems to destroy a Lightning Strike.
  • Shooting a Hellstorm Missile with a Pistol.
  • Getting 10 Headshots with the Executioner in a Free for All
  • Going 15 - 1 with a Riot Shield in 1 v 1
  • My representative having more wives than Nikolai Belinski
  • 20 Killstreak in 3 Minutes with a Gold CBJ-MS on Showtime.
  • Triple Kill with the Shotgun (attachment) on the Remington R5
  • 36 Assists...(No, seriously)...with the MDL playing Momentum on Retreat.
  • ROYALTY FUCKING EVERYTHING!!! (Yes even the Launchers)
  • Getting a Paladin with only 3 Ground kills and no objective play.
  • Beating Grenade Simulator 2008...wait no...World at War on Veteran.
  • Getting a Paladin in Search and Rescue
  • Completing All the BO2 zombie easter eggs
  • Getting a 5 man feed with the Explosive Drone
  • Getting the calling cards for all Exo abilities, and the Explosive Drone
  • Completing 100% of the Black Ops 3 Zombies challenges


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The CreatorEdit

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Recognition(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)Edit

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  • [X] Drown out the voices, THE VOICES!
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  • [] Win a losing fight?(╯°Д°)╯︵/(.□ . \) (I merely added this because it works well with the 'Flipping you upside down' thingy.
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Broken Stuff(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻Edit

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