hello i am damac. u may remember me as damac1214 from the call of doot wikia. u may also remember me as spokesperson Billy Mays, promoter of such products as Oxyclean Laundry Stain Remover and Chipotle away. some of u may just call me dad.
now as many of u boi's may have realized, Call of Doot: Dawn of Justice was announced the other day, and includes Call of Doot: The Good One GOTY Uncharted 4: Civil War edition if you pay 80000 shmeckles. at third i initially did not like this price point. i only earn 12 shmeckle a day, cleaning the poo buckets in the crawl space below the government agenda room. however, ive come to feel the price may be justified based on some recent infomation i acquired from my informant. we shall not name smol pupper and shall simply refer to our boi as pupper from here on out.
alright so first off, after watchin the trailer u must have had the same thought i did. what uninspired, low life, degenerate piece of human garbage could create a game so uninspired and so horrifying with such an interesting concept as to warrant such an out cry as 1 trillion skeletors disliked the simple concept trailer.
boy was i wrong
behold ur king, editor in chief of Call of Doot: Jurassic World, Zack Snyder everybody, lets give him a round of applause.
Now i know what you're thinking.
"but dad didn't he write the movie with the owls that no one saw or remembers"
and my answer is no
because everyone remembers it
but irregardless of your opinion on such a fantastic and entirely rememberable movie, i would like to present you with the script to Call of Doot: Special Victims Unit, leaked to me by smol pupper himself and written by our king, Zack Snyder.
it takes your breathe away doesnt it
this is the Fan4stic of video gaming, the absolute peak of video game storytelling. move over the walking dead survival instinct, there a new donger in town. This is Infinity Wards series of unfortunate events if there ever was one. upon playing this game, you will scream for god and he will not answer, for you will be god. we will all be one. we will unite for the common good. there will be no more sadness, no more anger, no more envy. all will be gifted to us through Snyder, lord commander of the nights watch.
but wait, this isn't all smol pupper has for me, some other more minor details include
- all guns in Modern Good Game Remastered have been replaced with walkie talkies
- all enemies in Infinite Dislikes are going to be ewoks
- day 1 patch will turn all ewoks into walkie talkies
- for just 9.99, you can unlock the second campaign mission of the game!
- Characters will include
- A protagonist you have no interest in
- A female character who will feel inorganic and like she's only there to be the team girl
- my father who never came back from the corner store with milk 12 years ago
- a british dude who always seems to know what to do
- probably a robot who you'd only think was cool if you were 8
- Billy Mays, with another fantastic product, Mighty Putty! Hi, Billy Mays here for Mighty Putty, the easy way to fix, fill and seal virtually anything fast and make it last! Mighty Putty is not a glue, but a super-powered epoxy that you can mold to any shape and apply directly to most any surface for an everlasting bond. Ordinary epoxies are a mixing mess. With Mighty Putty, you just cut like dough, simply knead to activate, apply and let dry. It has the muscle to support up to 350 pounds. Rebuild a damage tool to work like new or make car repairs and save money. Drills, holes and screws can ruin your project. With Mighty Putty, you just cut, activate and apply. Here’s something you can’t do with glue: Mighty Putty seals leaks instantly. Use it on pipes and faucets for a permanent seal. As you knead, it activates, turning from green to white to show it’s ready to hold on tight. It has the strength to pull this fully loaded 80,000-pound tractor trailer! Now that’s the power of Mighty Putty! Whether it’s tile to wood, metal to glass, any job big or small, Mighty Putty repairs them all. Fill cracks in ceilings, walls, and floors. Mold it to furniture, sand and paint for a seamless repair. And it’s ideal for all your crafting projects. There’s nothing you can’t do with Mighty Putty. Call now and we’ll send you two powerful sticks of Mighty Putty for only $19.99 shmeckles. But through this exclusive TV offer, we’ll double it and send you two more sticks free. Mighty Putty will pay for itself the very first time. But I’m not done yet. Call right now and I’ll triple the offer, and send you six sticks of Mighty Putty for the same old price of $19.99 shmeckles. Order now!
- and a guy who'll die during the story and you'll probably get upset about it, cause you're an idiot! fuck you!
- there will be space shit cause no one asked for it! just like no one asked for Ghosts! and no one asked for spec ops mode in the modern warfare games!
- other planets, cause nothing spells "Destiny: The Taken King" like other planets.
- i keep screaming but god won't answer
anyway thats all i have for now. until next time when u see dat boi rollin down ur street.
also smol pupper
hate to break it to ya
but there's been a change of strategy (ง’̀-‘́)ง