Call of Duty Wiki
Call of Duty Wiki

Willard Wyler[]

"Cut! That's a wrap people!"
"Worst. Death scene. EVER. Back to one, places everybody."
"You'll never work in this town again."
"Next time, you need to cry on cue, and die on cue."
"That performance makes me want you to be a better actor."
"Congratulations! You've clenched the nomination for lamest death scene in a horror movie. I'm so proud."
"Oh my, I'm afraid this one is bound for an early digital release."
"Oh! How far the star has fallen!"
"You can't even die believably! I have half a mind to recast you."
"Stop messing up my 'MASTERPIECE'."
"Continue bleeding. More bleeding. More bleeding. And, scene."
"The only convincing part of that performance was when you died, and if it wasn't for the gallons of your blood spilled everywhere, I don't think I would have even believed that!"
"Thank you for ending your woefully mind-numbing performance."
"You call that acting? You couldn't act yourself out of a paper bag. TRY AGAIN."
"Clearly there was some mixup with the casting director, because I was under the impression I was working with real actors! AND NOT THE REJECTS from an elementary SCHOOL PLAY."
"Hm. How can I put this... You're as dead AS YOUR CAREER."
"Bravo. A truly uninspired performance worthy of softcore porn or CABLE NETWORK SITCOMS."
"Auditions for the hemorrhoid commercials are next week."
"Why am I always stuck working with amateurs?!"
"The best thing about your performance was that IT ENDED. So I guess you got that part right."
"You missed all your cues and flopped every line that came out of that garbage hole you call a mouth, other than that, you did great."
"Perhaps next time you'll STICK TO THE SCRIPT."
"I don't pay you to think. I don't pay you to act. In fact, I don't pay you at all! Which is why this arrangement worked so well, and why I'm still alive and you are dead."
"You remind me of the cast that auditioned before you, they couldn't ACT EITHER."
"Stars are not. Born. In arcades."
"All actors are needed on set please! And when I say please, I mean STOP PISSING AROUND IN THE ARCADE and get on with the movie already!"
"You know playing videogames rots your brain, right? It gives the Zombies such indigestion when they eat it, and no one wants that."
"Cut, cut, cut! Arrgh! You're ruining this film! Why won't you just die on cue already? I knew you weren't fit for the part the moment I set eyes on you! You'll never work in this town again!"
— After completing the easter egg.

Multiple Character Conversations[]


Sally: Umm, like, where the hell are we?

Poindexter: I think we're somehow inside the film!

Andre: "Zombies in Spaceland"? Oh... I think I'm gonna be sick, yo.

Sally: I know, right? Your clothes... ugh. *gasps* My clothes! Ugh...

A.J.: You dweebs had better get it together. I think we got more coming.

Spawn (alternate)[]

Wyler: Welcome. I see you've made yourself at home. Oh and how quickly you've embraced your character! Bravo!

Sally: Where are we, Willard?

A.J.: Yeah, what gives?

Andre: Hey, get us the hell out of here, man!

Poindexter: Err, where are we?

Wyler: I love the energy you're giving me right now!

A.J.: Willard man, what kind of audition is this?

Wyler: The audition of a lifetime, my boy. Now listen closely, because your next round of guests are just chomping at the bit to join you in frame. Places, everyone! Places! And... ACTION!

Between Round 3 and 5[]

Sally: Like why the hell is Wyler doing this to us?

Poindexter: Maybe this is a test!

Andre: Maybe he just wants to kill us.

A.J.: Why the hell would he want to do that? We're awesome! I'm awesome!

Poindexter: If we continue to work together, we can find out!

After hearing David Hasselhoff for the first time[]

A.J.: Hey did you just hear that?

Poindexter: Someone is broadcasting in the park!

A.J.: Gee, ya think?

Andre: Yo whoever that was might be stuck here too!

Sally: For all we know, it's just some lame ass recording! I'm not about to get my brain eaten for a tape deck!

Poindexter: Not to worry, haha. They'd likely starve.

A.J.: Hey, this DJ could be our ticket out of this place.

Andre: Ey, so what are we waiting for? Let's go find this brother!